Page 19 | To ask if you 100% believe your partner has never cheated?

zaraaraz · 2021-07-15T21:57:34+00:00

I think cheating is very common. I was with someone I loved, would have done anything for and he left me and was declaring his love for someone else the next day. Obviously he was seeing her behind my back. My boyfriend before him was going through a divorce because his wife had cheated. My sister met her husband when they were both with other people. My fathers first wife cheated on him. I’ve seen a particular colleague cheat twice on his girlfriend. It’s just very common in my opinion. I’m currently single but whosever I date next then I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out if they were a cheater.

OneTC · 19/07/2021 11:02

If you're the kind of person that believes there are perfect infallible people out there then your partner will do their best to never disabuse you of that notion

oreo2020 · 19/07/2021 11:11

Mine did and I absolutely know he would again. In fact I don't believe in men anymore hence haven't LTB yet - as I don't really have faith that I would meet someone loyal. So sad really.

WitchesNStuff · 19/07/2021 11:33

I just don't believe there are that many men who wouldn't. My experience in life is that so many married men are actually really easily tempted. I have very little faith in men in general when it comes to fidelity and recently have witnessed someone cheating who even his best friend would swear blind he is definitely not the sort. I think that has cemented my views on it. The men I socialise with who come across as players and are quite full on are actually the ones who I find are more trustworthy, they are not the cheaters IME but the ones you least expect I am really not sure about. Disclaimer - this is only my experience, I am not saying it is 100% fact!

I trust my DH as much as I would trust anyone however it the right (well wrong) circumstances I still think he might cheat.

I do think you should believe your partner wouldn't cheat otherwise what is the point in being together, you couldn't live feeling like you are worried all the time but being 100% certain you know they wouldn't, I just don't get that. Many of those 100%ers will be proved wrong.

uktrippin · 19/07/2021 11:44

"DH had never cheated on me and never will nothing to do with whether God is willing or not. DH has morals and is not a liar"

@lynsey91 does the 91 in your username reflect the year you were born? Give it time love, through your 20s they can be quite convincing. The 35-50 year old male is somewhat different. Less "moral" in a way

uktrippin · 19/07/2021 11:46

"So bitter girl"

Such a short sentence yet utterly misogynistic. Hmm

lynsey91 · 19/07/2021 12:14

@thepeopleversuswork

DH had never cheated on me and never will nothing to do with whether God is willing or not. DH has morals and is not a liar

Well, let's hope so. But god forbid if you ever found yourself back on this board in the event that he lost his morals and lied, you might want a bit of compassion and understanding from others.

Oh for goodness sake. DH has never cheated and never will so I will not find myself in that situation.

Why would he lose his morals? If you have morals you don't just lose them. Some people are crazy and don't seem to know what morals are

lynsey91 · 19/07/2021 12:16

@uktrippin

"DH had never cheated on me and never will nothing to do with whether God is willing or not. DH has morals and is not a liar"

@lynsey91 does the 91 in your username reflect the year you were born? Give it time love, through your 20s they can be quite convincing. The 35-50 year old male is somewhat different. Less "moral" in a way

Ha ha no 91 was not the year I was born. Me and DH are both in our 60's married very happily for just over 40 years.

Even if one of us wanted to cheat, which we definitely don't, we are too old, tired and knackered

Cactuslove · 19/07/2021 12:17

I believed 100% that he would never cheat. He had so much integrity and seemed to fully respect me. We had children and a home and a life together. We laughed all the time.

Then I found out he cheated and I realised the person I thought I knew was a lie. I knew a persona or a facade of the real person.

So yes I think anyone would/could cheat and I'm not sure anyone will ever have 100% of my trust again.

Blanketpolicy · 19/07/2021 12:17

@uktrippin

"DH had never cheated on me and never will nothing to do with whether God is willing or not. DH has morals and is not a liar"

@lynsey91 does the 91 in your username reflect the year you were born? Give it time love, through your 20s they can be quite convincing. The 35-50 year old male is somewhat different. Less "moral" in a way

That is very patronising.

My year of birth is 1968 and know dh has morals. I've know this about him from early on in our relationship, we got together the same year you think @lynsey91 was born!!!!!

For every anecdote about unfaithful men there are just as many who are faithful.

OneTC · 19/07/2021 12:18

If you have morals you don't just lose them.

lynsey91 · 19/07/2021 12:21

@OhWhyNot

Those morals that people believe they have can so easily be forgotten about

We mostly all go into relationships believing we will never want to be with anyone else, our partners fulfil our needs and we wouldn’t want to risk losing them. Then at times we feel attraction and lust takes over suddenly all that we believed was true no longer quite is

This can happen to anyone always has always will nothing has stopped people having affairs, it’s doesn’t make you a bad person but your not the great trustworthy partner you once was

Sorry but another bullshit post. You don't "forget" morals. You either have them or you don't.

Sadly the problem is that so many don't have morals which is why cheating is so often not seen as that bad. People talk about it being a mistake or not being able to resist temptation which is just rubbish and just a pathetic excuse.

My DH does fulfil all my needs. He is my best friend as well as my husband and lover. He feels the same about me. I can think another man is attractive but no way do I want to have sex with them. Why would I? Sex should be with someone you love deeply not someone who you just find attractive.

Also NO it cannot just happen to anyone. Everyone has a choice whether to cheat or not and many people (those with morals) choose not to. I might not make you a bad person as such but you certainly are not a good person

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 19/07/2021 12:26

I know everyone says this, but yes, I 100% believe DH has never cheated. It is possible I may be wrong, but I was friends with him before we got together (we were both seeing other people) so I got to know him without any romantic pressure (and before you ask, we were both very single before anything happened between us). We are very honest with each other, he's never weird about his phone or me looking at his stuff or talking to his mates (not that I do it much) and he has just given me no reason to ever think he may have cheated. I trust him. I hope I'm right!

Cactuslove · 19/07/2021 12:48

@MayorGundersonsDogRufus

I know everyone says this, but yes, I 100% believe DH has never cheated. It is possible I may be wrong, but I was friends with him before we got together (we were both seeing other people) so I got to know him without any romantic pressure (and before you ask, we were both very single before anything happened between us). We are very honest with each other, he's never weird about his phone or me looking at his stuff or talking to his mates (not that I do it much) and he has just given me no reason to ever think he may have cheated. I trust him. I hope I'm right!

@MayorGundersonDogRufus that sounds lovely and healthy. I'm sure you're right 🙂

dryasaboner · 19/07/2021 12:49

I'd say you were born later than 91 @lynsey91 as the way you talk is like a school girl. You do realise all those women who have been cheated on thought exactly the same as you did?

Mistressofnone · 19/07/2021 13:05

I'm 100% sure DH has never cheated. Most of my long term exes cheated and I always sensed it but I've never had that paranoia with DH.

Also he is always tired and really wouldn't have the energy!

gwenneh · 19/07/2021 13:33

@OhWhyNot

Those morals that people believe they have can so easily be forgotten about

We mostly all go into relationships believing we will never want to be with anyone else, our partners fulfil our needs and we wouldn’t want to risk losing them. Then at times we feel attraction and lust takes over suddenly all that we believed was true no longer quite is

This can happen to anyone always has always will nothing has stopped people having affairs, it’s doesn’t make you a bad person but your not the great trustworthy partner you once was

That's hilarious. What an assumption!

Your morals may be easily discarded. Mine are not.

gillysSong · 19/07/2021 14:06

I blame modern marriage, and lack of morals.
Vows said in a church in front of friends and family used to mean something.
"Forsaking all others" If you aren't prepared to say this, you shouldn't be allowed to marry.
We used to say divorce was too easy, that's never been the case, far too easy to say I do, without any comitment.

knittingaddict · 19/07/2021 14:13

@gillysSong

I blame modern marriage, and lack of morals. Vows said in a church in front of friends and family used to mean something. "Forsaking all others" If you aren't prepared to say this, you shouldn't be allowed to marry. We used to say divorce was too easy, that's never been the case, far too easy to say I do, without any comitment.

As a Christian I used to think like that too, 2 decades ago. Now I have an entirely different opinion. Back in the good old days of which you speak, women had to put up with infidelity, violence and other abuse from their husbands. Divorce was almost impossible, due to finances or social pressures. That's not a world I want to live in and I'm happy that people no loger have to stay in desperately unhappy relationships.

I've been happily married for over 35 years, my daughter divorced her abusive husband. I'm happy that we both had choices to do what we wanted in our lives.

gillysSong · 19/07/2021 14:16

That's exactly what I said. People used to say divorce was too easy. It was the wrong way round, marriage is too easy.
Divorce was never too easy.
We've been married almost 30 years, together for 34.

lifehappened · 19/07/2021 14:22

Mine wouldn't. Very grateful for that. Nor would I

Lampzade · 19/07/2021 14:52

@cupcakecourageous

Never say never.

Naive spouses are easier to cheat on.

The only person you can trust 100% is yourself. You cannot with complete certainty know this will never happen to you, what someone else is capable of.

The people saying that need to believe it because that's how they believe their relationship needs to operate. Admitting cheating is anything but impossible means to them they don't believe in their relationship or their partner. (It's kind of like saying 'I'd have never been in that car accident because I never drive like that' it makes us feel bulletproof, even though every time we get in a car we are at risk of being in an accident no matter how we drive)

A much more realistic outlook would be: 'I've chosen a good partner, we love each other and we are good people. My partner doesn't appear to be a liar, they appear to have my best interests at heart. However, life tests us, circumstances often change, sometimes feelings change over time, humans are not designed to be monogamous. Everyone is capable of making mistakes and sometimes feeling weak. I will look after my relationship, I will not take fidelity for granted, I will not put my head in the sand and will keep communication with my partner open, I will not blindly trust anyone (even myself) I will remain realistic, and never complacent but I will also not be jealous and insecure. I know what we have is strong and I will continue to reinforce that daily and make sure my partner feels loved and appreciated daily, but my partner will know I am not naive - just realistic and my eyes are always open, for this reason I appreciate and value their fidelity (and my own) even more - because I know it's not always a 'given' this doesn't mean I expect them to cheat and it doesn't mean I would ever see cheating as acceptable, I would still be disappointed and devastated if it happened to us, but I would never be so ignorant to make the statement that it 100% never could'

This

Echobelly · 19/07/2021 14:59

I'm pretty certain... mainly as about the only way he'd manage to sleep with someone else is if I organised it for him!

He's had a few jobs that have required nights away in the UK or abroad, so I suppose it's possible he could have slept with someone else during one or some of those, but they've been so few and far between (and quite a while ago now) that I honestly don't care if he did, anything that may have happened can't have been long term or meaningful and has had no impact on our relationship.

Echobelly · 19/07/2021 15:00

I'm not actually someone who says or believes 'My husband would NEVER be unfaithful', but that doesn't mean I think he will be either, IYSWIM.

thepeopleversuswork · 19/07/2021 15:29

@Echobelly

You see I think your attitude is much healthier. You currently don’t have any reason to think your DH will cheat but you’re not making absurd assertions that he never will because you know you’re not in a position to do that.

Trust is good. Blind, blinkered trust is not good.

Greenrubber · 19/07/2021 16:09

Why does it matter to anyone else if you don't think your partner will cheat?

Why is it when people say they are 100%sure their partners won't cheat that people are telling them they are stupid or naive

The thread asks if you 100% believe your partner won't cheat

I think it's great so many people are confident and believe in their relationship

Of course nothing is impossible I mean I don't think I will win the lottery but I still play it because well you never know

But would my husband cheat on me nah he wouldn't and I have total confidence in our marriage and I pity anyone who thinks their partner would cheat because I would not see the point in being in that relationship

I'm not naive I'm just not worried