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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you 100% believe your partner has never cheated?

535 replies

zaraaraz · 15/07/2021 22:57

I think cheating is very common. I was with someone I loved, would have done anything for and he left me and was declaring his love for someone else the next day. Obviously he was seeing her behind my back. My boyfriend before him was going through a divorce because his wife had cheated.

My sister met her husband when they were both with other people. My fathers first wife cheated on him.

I’ve seen a particular colleague cheat twice on his girlfriend.

It’s just very common in my opinion. I’m currently single but whosever I date next then I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out if they were a cheater.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 18/07/2021 22:28

Of my friends that I know have cheated on their partner or spouse, most were women and two of the men that were cheated on were totally devastated, didn't have a clue, and always treated their other halves very well (as the cheating wives happily admitted).

ZforZebra · 18/07/2021 22:33

Mine is too lazy and couldn’t cope with the logistics and planning required to cheat Smile

1jan2020 · 18/07/2021 22:36

100% sure

adamant8 · 18/07/2021 22:42

@cupcakecourageous sorry, but the underlying message I got from your post is that you sound a little insecure in your relationship. I hope I’m wrong!

larkstar · 19/07/2021 02:28

100%. I've been with my partner (now wife) since we were both 12; 59 now. It's a big ocean to cross together - ups and downs with various things - mainly employment problems, work stresses, etc. I know she makes short shrift of me if I step out of line - and I know what her general feelings are about most men - she is a hard woman to satisfy let alone impress! So no I have no doubts whatsoever - she gets on well with guys in general and I don't mind at all - I can tell when guys enjoy her company - for all the same reasons I do but no - no worries at all - she has high standards and she's intelligent, intuitive and people-smart.

MissTrip82 · 19/07/2021 03:53

I would be so so shocked.

But plenty of people have been shocked before, plenty of people had no idea and would have sworn blind their partner was loyal.

I think I’d be pretty arrogant to discount their experience and assume I’m somehow immune.

OneAlabamaReturn · 19/07/2021 06:28

I'm 100% sure that some of the ' 100% , he would never cheat' women will get a nasty shock one day.

WeHaveComeSoFar · 19/07/2021 07:13

@OneAlabamaReturn

I'm 100% sure that some of the ' 100% , he would never cheat' women will get a nasty shock one day.
So bitter girl
Ikeeponkeepingon · 19/07/2021 07:16

No I don't. He is an accomplished liar.

Comedycook · 19/07/2021 07:20

@OneAlabamaReturn

I'm 100% sure that some of the ' 100% , he would never cheat' women will get a nasty shock one day.
Of course they will...law of averages and all that. Not to mention the number of posters who have come on here to say they trusted 100% and were cheated on.

Not bitter, just realistic.

RaspberryRoyale88 · 19/07/2021 07:22

I am 100% sure my Husband hasn’t and wouldn’t cheat.
I’m pretty sure my ex did.

lazylinguist · 19/07/2021 07:25

I'm 100% sure that some of the ' 100% , he would never cheat' women will get a nasty shock one day.

Yep. But some of them won't.

mafted · 19/07/2021 07:51

I think I'd know if he had because he is a terrible liar. He has plenty of opportunity though as he's away from home more than he's home.
The majority of couples I've known where one or even both have cheated would say they were a perfect couple etc when it was easy to see from the outside that they were absolutely not.

Kitten189 · 19/07/2021 08:11

Some of the dismissive attitudes to cheating on here are sad. It’s a vile, grubby act that puts your partner at risk of STIs and I have known people suicidal after being cheated on. It ruins your trust. Nobody forces you to jump into bed with someone else, it is very much black and white. If anyone does it, they’re nothing to me anymore.

lynsey91 · 19/07/2021 08:56

[quote dryasaboner]@lynsey91 you wouldn't find anyone more 'upstanding' and scathing of cheats than my DH. And all of a sudden- he was one! The only thing guaranteed in life is death and taxes [/quote]
Well he was obviously a liar then which my DH isn't.

thepeopleversuswork · 19/07/2021 08:56

@Kitten189

Some of the dismissive attitudes to cheating on here are sad. It’s a vile, grubby act that puts your partner at risk of STIs and I have known people suicidal after being cheated on. It ruins your trust. Nobody forces you to jump into bed with someone else, it is very much black and white. If anyone does it, they’re nothing to me anymore.
I don't think anyone is being dismissive of cheating: everyone who has been on the receiving end knows its an incredibly hurtful and damaging thing to have done. Hence the thread!

People are simply arguing that you need to have your eyes open to the possibility that it could happen and not just blindly assume that because your relationship is hunky dory for now it won't ever happen to you.

lynsey91 · 19/07/2021 08:58

@OneAlabamaReturn

I'm 100% sure that some of the ' 100% , he would never cheat' women will get a nasty shock one day.
Lots of us won't though thank you
thepeopleversuswork · 19/07/2021 08:58

Well he was obviously a liar then which my DH isn't.

Well this is just unpleasant and smug and carries a nasty judgemental undertone.

Just because your DH hasn't cheated on you yet to your knowledge and God willing never will, doesn't give you the right to imply other women have poorer judgement. This is the whole point about cheating. You just never know and there's no magic formula for preventing it.

lynsey91 · 19/07/2021 09:00

@Kitten189

Some of the dismissive attitudes to cheating on here are sad. It’s a vile, grubby act that puts your partner at risk of STIs and I have known people suicidal after being cheated on. It ruins your trust. Nobody forces you to jump into bed with someone else, it is very much black and white. If anyone does it, they’re nothing to me anymore.
Exactly. One of the reasons so many people do cheat is because they don't regard it as totally wrong.

Look at some of the comments on here. Oh it is just a mistake and we can all make mistakes, it happens because of "circumstances" etc. Just pathetic.

Just when and why did cheating seem to become almost acceptable? People that cheat disgust me totally.

OneTC · 19/07/2021 09:02

I know 100% that she has cheated on me. We decided to stay together. Think that was about 11 years ago

lynsey91 · 19/07/2021 09:03

@thepeopleversuswork

Well he was obviously a liar then which my DH isn't.

Well this is just unpleasant and smug and carries a nasty judgemental undertone.

Just because your DH hasn't cheated on you yet to your knowledge and God willing never will, doesn't give you the right to imply other women have poorer judgement. This is the whole point about cheating. You just never know and there's no magic formula for preventing it.

Well if the poster's OH was truthful when he was so scathing of cheats he would not have cheated himself would he? Pure and simple.

I am absolutely scathing of cheats. They disgust me and because of that I know for sure that I would never cheat. I am not suddenly one day going to change my mind.

DH had never cheated on me and never will nothing to do with whether God is willing or not. DH has morals and is not a liar

thepeopleversuswork · 19/07/2021 09:17

DH had never cheated on me and never will nothing to do with whether God is willing or not. DH has morals and is not a liar

Well, let's hope so. But god forbid if you ever found yourself back on this board in the event that he lost his morals and lied, you might want a bit of compassion and understanding from others.

KeflavikAirport · 19/07/2021 09:29

Men with strict morals are the ones who rewrite history the most spectacularly when they have their heads turned.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 19/07/2021 10:48

I don't believe that in this life there are any guarantees. Not about marriage; not about anything.

A realistic perspective is healthy but equally I don't see the point of catastrophising about it. It's like going through life with the fear that a close loved one will eventually be diagnosed with a terminal illness, which is statistically more likely than being cheated on, but in the meantime I don't want to go through life dwelling on it. These things are bad enough when they actually happen: the time to deal with them is if and when that day comes.

OhWhyNot · 19/07/2021 10:56

Those morals that people believe they have can so easily be forgotten about

We mostly all go into relationships believing we will never want to be with anyone else, our partners fulfil our needs and we wouldn’t want to risk losing them. Then at times we feel attraction and lust takes over suddenly all that we believed was true no longer quite is

This can happen to anyone always has always will nothing has stopped people having affairs, it’s doesn’t make you a bad person but your not the great trustworthy partner you once was