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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel guilty about this

141 replies

Yftg8 · 15/07/2021 21:28

I changed jobs a few months back. I'm now moving departments within the same job. All good so far. However because of a disability I have my other two colleagues will have to move out of their office into a shared part of the main office. This is a decision made from above in order to support me in my role. But I feel guilty as they've both been there longer. One of them is ok with it but the other colleague has not spoken to me since the decision was made. I'm a real worrier anyway but I feel guilty. Don't want to go into too many details and have name changed.

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Cheerio21 · 15/07/2021 21:30

I totally get what you mean but, It wasn't you who decided it op and it's been done to support you.
They'll get over it Smile

Therunecaster · 15/07/2021 21:34

I can see why you are worried but I'd try and move past it. I'm glad your employee is supportive. Good luck.

Ponoka7 · 15/07/2021 21:35

If things get any worse or your colleague ignoring you affects the working atmosphere, go to your supervisor. It's a simple enough adjustment that means that you work better and stay in employment.

VeganCheesePlease · 15/07/2021 21:37

I wouldn't mind if I was moved to support one of my colleagues with a disability.

Original poster
Yftg8 · 15/07/2021 22:26

Thank you. I think it'll be ok. I'm surprised by colleagues blanking of me to be honest. We've all had a really tough few months with Covid and working conditions so I get she is frustrated but I literally cannot help it.

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MzHz · 16/07/2021 06:43

Stupid question alert, but does this colleague know about your disability?

JS711 · 16/07/2021 06:57

I've been in this exact situation. I broke my neck many years ago and as a result I have a central nervous system disorder. I struggle with ambient noise. If I am somewhere quiet I can focus and do my job. If I am somewhere with a lot of background noise I get overstimulated/overwhelmed and can't focus on the noise I am supposed to be listening to. (For clarity I was working as a bookings administrator for orthopaedic surgery and rehab at a hospital). I was taking calls that I needed to gain great detail from in order to book to the correct consultant etc. If the noise was too much I couldn't focus on the patient.

As a result I was given a small side office. This was a decision by the department head and the building manager. The original user of the office only used it a few days a month. He was very unhappy about it all. In the end I saw him in the canteen and asked to sit with him. I explained the situation and after he understood why and what was the problem he was absolutely on board and apologised for being rude.

Is this person aware of your situation? Perhaps approach them and explain your side of it and that it was not your decision. If you feel you can. I know that's a hard conversation and makes you feel pretty vulnerable.

J

SummerWhisper · 16/07/2021 07:13

Reasonable adjustments link to The Equality Act and it shows that your employer is treating you fairly. Perhaps ask your manager to do a quick team brief; part of your adjustments is bringing the team onside to support you. All the best in your new job Flowers

BusyLizzie61 · 16/07/2021 07:14

As a person with disabilities, I understand the need fully. However, as an employee, I also get why if the two have shared an office and are now in effect in a less preferred, shared area, whereas the junior member is in her office.

I don't think complaining about her is the way to go. I think letting the lie of the land settle, and let her get acclimatised to her new way of working. She also needs to get to know you, professionally, if you've moved departments.

People are in their work environment for most of their waking day, it's really no wonder it's side swiped her.

Original poster
Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 09:54

Just to clarify the person does know about the disability and we've been working together for about 18 months. Person has not responded still to a message I sent about it.

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Original poster
Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 11:16

It's all gone a bit bad. Person has complained to HR.

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Cheerio21 · 16/07/2021 11:21

Your joking!? What the hell.
That is so bad on her behalf

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 16/07/2021 11:23

People get jealous when they see others progressing and they are not. Their nose is out of joint and it’s got nothing to do with your disability, if anything they have become completely blind to it and are only seeing how they have been affected by your move/promotion. Try not to take this personally, it’s not really about you. It’s about them and how they feel the company does/ does not value them. Try not to get caught up in whatever is going on with them - let HR deal with it and don’t try to force a conversation with this person. Hopefully they will come to their senses in time.

Original poster
Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 11:24

Nope it's all gone wrong. I feel so bad. I've just told them I'll stay in open area. I literally feel sick about it.

I've not worked there as long but I do have more experience in the job. Not that this has anything to do with the issue but somebody mentioned earlier being a junior member of staff.

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Original poster
Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 11:25

Thanks for the advice. Sorry not sure how to reply to specific posts. I'm annoyed at how it's been handled to be honest.

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SpamIAm · 16/07/2021 11:31

I can understand you feeling guilty but equally, in your colleagues shoes, I can't ever imagine feeling resentful at having to move offices to accommodate adjustments for a colleague's disability. We get moved around desks for far more minor things than that all the time! I'm bad for getting attached to my desk and my particular set up but at the end of the day it's your workplace, not your home, and you just have to go where your employer says, no point being precious about it.

Have you told HR you'll stay in the shared office? If not I'd just keep quiet and let HR deal with it. Her desire to keep her desk does not trump your legal right to reasonable adjustments.

BobMortimersPetOwl · 16/07/2021 11:36

Your colleague sounds like a dick. Sure you might feel a bit miffed about having to move but you wouldn't vocalise that!

Ultimately nobody has a god given right to be at any particular desk in any specific office. If his ability to do his job will be compromised by moving due to confidentiality or something then fine to complain. Otherwise he's acting like a child.

Leave HR to deal with it.

IcedSpice · 16/07/2021 11:44

my other two colleagues will have to move out of their office into a shared part of the main office.

Sadly while your reasons are valid, to the people moving out of their office, it will feel like a demotion, and having something taken away from them.

That said - thats not your problem, the management should deal with it

MargaretThursday · 16/07/2021 11:44

I'm on the fence here really. My dd has disabilities and at times she does need to have what seems like preferential treatment to make her equal.

But I can also see that if they have been established in that office that moving them out for you is a bit of a slap in the face for them.

It would be a different matter if you'd all arrived at the same time, and been in that situation, or if they'd given you a separate office when you arrived.

My thoughts would be, yes, your work has handled it badly. No one likes being told to move to what is a work environment. I get that it is unfair on them. Your work should have tried to work it so they didn't feel it was just a step down, and preferably they didn't feel it was related to you.

user1471457751 · 16/07/2021 11:45

I don't think the colleague's a dick. I think it's not unusual to be upset when the standard of your work environment slips - they're not complaining about the OP but about the situation, maybe they are hoping HR will find some other office space for them.

Original poster
Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 11:46

I've just told HR I'll lump it and not move. I feel like I'll be gossiped and whinged about now. I've sent her another message apologising but nothing at all back.

Before anyone jumps on me regarding apologising or messaging again. I get that that's stupid and it's not my issue but I have real bad self esteem issues and this is totally feeding it.

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ChainJane · 16/07/2021 11:53

I think you are right to have apologised, nobody here should blame you for backing down. Ultimately it's about your health and wellbeing, there's no point "forcing" the other person out if it's going to make you unhappy. (I know you weren't the driver behind it, I just mean they felt like they were being forced out because of you.)

It's wrong of posters to blame the other person too. Nobody likes being bumped out of an office for a less pleasant working environment. It's not their fault the building doesn't have enough space for everyone to work in their preferred environment.

But the main thing is it's good you can now move on from this. You could always ask HR to try to come up with other solutions to help you, maybe partitions could create another office?

pigeonpies · 16/07/2021 11:58

So can you actually work in a shared office space?

lughnasadh · 16/07/2021 12:02

You're sounding a bit like those people who say 'oh I'm exempt, but I wear a mask anyway..'. No, if you can wear a mask you were not actually exempt Hmm

Did your disability actually require you to have your own space? If so, how has that requirement magically disappeared?

Original poster
Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 12:07

My disability is massively helped by having my own space.

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