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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel guilty about this

141 replies

Yftg8 · 15/07/2021 21:28

I changed jobs a few months back. I'm now moving departments within the same job. All good so far. However because of a disability I have my other two colleagues will have to move out of their office into a shared part of the main office. This is a decision made from above in order to support me in my role. But I feel guilty as they've both been there longer. One of them is ok with it but the other colleague has not spoken to me since the decision was made. I'm a real worrier anyway but I feel guilty. Don't want to go into too many details and have name changed.

OP posts:

3Britnee · 16/07/2021 16:14

Can your employers build a small drywall/plaster board office in a corner, with the right acoustics?

Original poster

Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 16:23

Still not heard from the colleague who has complained but my "self pity" is turning into anger now. I feel quite upset.

OP posts:

QueenBee52 · 16/07/2021 16:48

you're being ostracised by this colleague because of a decision made my management...

Speak to HR ... you're being put in an impossible and uncomfortable position .. when you should be celebrating your promotion.. its a bloody disgrace OP 🌸

CastawayQueen · 16/07/2021 19:02

@Yftg8

Still not heard from the colleague who has complained but my "self pity" is turning into anger now. I feel quite upset.

Thé colleague’s behaviour is immature and despicable - and they shouldn’t take out on you by not replying.

However they are within their rights to complain that no alternative arrangement has been. E.g if they are of a certain grade where everyone has an office - they haven’t been given an alternative arrangement.
You still haven’t answered whether this is the case?

This is a similar situation to where an employee is long term sick/has health issues. Co-workers cannot mistreat the employee but it’s also fair to say that bad handling (e.g not getting cover) has adverse effects on them. They are right to go to HR with the workload complaint but they can’t say ‘it’s sick X’s fault’.

CastawayQueen · 16/07/2021 19:05

Just to reiterate once again OP it’s not your fault and them not replying or bullying is absolutely not acceptable.

However them complaining that the arrangement doesn’t suit them is acceptable if no alternative arrangements have been made. It has had an impact. Management can’t just tell them to suck it up (if it’s the case where the office is a perk of the job and not just something they happened to get out of circumstance).

Original poster

Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 19:06

We're all the same grade. I have more experience in terms of years bit we're all the same level. I haven't got a promotion. Just moved roles

OP posts:

Original poster

Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 19:07

I think they have to right to make their opinions heard as the way it has been managed is crap. but not replying to me in a message is silly. I've done nothing wrong.

OP posts:

CastawayQueen · 16/07/2021 19:09

@Yftg8

We're all the same grade. I have more experience in terms of years bit we're all the same level. I haven't got a promotion. Just moved roles

So do people in your grade normally have an office then? If not then why did they have one in the first place?

CastawayQueen · 16/07/2021 19:09

*people in your grade/with your role

Original poster

Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 19:22

It was just the layout before we moved

OP posts:

CastawayQueen · 16/07/2021 19:26

@Yftg8

It was just the layout before we moved

In that case then management has done nothing wrong... they got the office completely by chance and now that someone who actually needs it has come along they have to give it up. Fair enough. Doesn't matter whether they complained, they wont have a leg to stand on. IN any case YANBU for feeling guilty as it wasn't your decision anyway.. as reiterated

Original poster

Yftg8 · 16/07/2021 21:57

Flipping between feeling immensely guilty and fuming!

OP posts:

MargaretThursday · 16/07/2021 23:31

If all you need is a carpet and a door to shut, then could you fit all three of you in the office? I would have thought that was the obvious answer if possible.

Obviously it could fit two people in, so management might have created a better situation if they had discussed it with the two and offered the possibility of you sharing with one (either them doing part each, or drawing lots to choose etc) or given them the option of both coming out if they wanted to stay together. Giving people the choice, even if they feel the choice is hard, makes people feel mollified.

Hankunamatata · 17/07/2021 00:41

I find it hard to work in a large open plan office. Your colleague does have the right to complain about being moved o
if they feel it will affect their work performance, just as much as your disability means you have the right for a suitable work space.

Taking a 2 person office for 1 person was always going to cause some disgruntlement, sadly its human nature

Hankunamatata · 17/07/2021 00:42

Would working from home be an option?

Hankunamatata · 17/07/2021 00:43

Also the person that complained may have been told by HR not to have any contact with yourself incase of bullying so that why they may have not replied.

QueenBee52 · 17/07/2021 01:29

@Yftg8

Flipping between feeling immensely guilty and fuming!

I hope you are ok ... 🌺

what happened today was a real unprofessional shit show and you were in the firing line.. nobody really had your back.. nobody really supported you and you were treated badly ..

Rest assured did nothing wrong and I hope HR are supporting properly and resolve this 100% come Monday 🌸

Original poster

Yftg8 · 17/07/2021 07:15

Thanks Queen.
First thing I remembered when I woke up. I normally get on really well with the person who has complained. How do I handle Monday?

OP posts:

Original poster

Yftg8 · 17/07/2021 07:16

WFH not an option. Although I wish I could now.

OP posts:

Noterook · 17/07/2021 07:30

To be honest the person complaining to HR wouldn't have got anywhere as they wouldn't have been moved if they were put there as a reasonable adjustment in the first place, and if they have do gave a genuine need for a smaller office space they need to follow the process. Them just having a tantrum and complaining just makes them look a bit pathetic to be honest, I think inwardly a few people would be quietly annoyed but realise that overall it's necessary.

It sounds like HR are rightly supportive, I'd contact them Monday and just say as identified I do really need the space (which they will know as they are the ones that arranged it), and i conceeded as I was made to feel bad about it, but now realise that actually I need to look after myself as work as well. If you don't get the room and your work suffers I'd worry that they will say well you had the chance for an adjustment that would have helped. I know lots would have done the same in the moment to avoid bad feeling, so be kind to yourself. They are ignoring you anyway which is their issue, I know it's hard but just leave them be and I'm sure when the dust settles it'll be fine.

Uramaki · 17/07/2021 07:36

@Hankunamatata

Also the person that complained may have been told by HR not to have any contact with yourself incase of bullying so that why they may have not replied.

That's what I was thinking. They might have been told to not discuss it with you.

Uramaki · 17/07/2021 07:38

@Yftg8

Thanks Queen. First thing I remembered when I woke up. I normally get on really well with the person who has complained. How do I handle Monday?

I'd go and speak to HR and explain it all and go from there. Don't worry about your colleague, if they want to act like this it's not your fault at all.

Amdone123 · 17/07/2021 08:06

Good morning op. Please try to put this away til Monday. You've got 2 days to relax ( I hope!?). There's nothing you can do about it for now. I understand your anxiety ; I think we all dwell on work issues sometimes ( maybe, most times).

The facts are you have a disability and your employer has a legal duty to accommodate you. Colleague is not imo, a very nice person. You can't control their reactions. Just your own.

StrangeToSee · 17/07/2021 08:19

Your managers shouldn’t have told them they were moving because of you! A made up reason like social distancing and making offices covid secure would have been sensible.

We’re having a similar situation at work, 2 of us have been asked to move (to be closer to rest of MDT but away from our old team). I don’t mind because I like my new location and find change quite exciting, plus I get on with the team I’m leaving and know they’ll come and see me in my new office.

But my colleague has thrown all her toys out of the pram. She’s refusing to pack, or move her stuff, crying about the change, thinking of every negative possible. It’s really annoying (not so much for me but for the rest of the team) who need her to move ASAP so they don’t breach covid regulations by having too many in one office.

I know people fear change but that’s part of being in a workplace, you don’t always get to choose. Don’t feel guilty.

Dancingsmile · 17/07/2021 08:52

I feel its not about you but what an office represents.
Being in an office shows a difference , a level of seniority. The manager , boss is usually represented on programmes as having their own office.
She may have shared an office but they were in it separate from the others in main office.
This is pathetic but it can create a false importance . When it's taken away it can feel like a demotion. Not only does she get demoted back to main office you get promoted to not sharing an office but having it to yourself.
Her nose has been put out of joint. It is ridiculous but I remember years ago when I worked in a bank they wanted to take manager and deputy manager signs off parking spaces. The outrage from them was ridiculous. Proper toys out being thrown out the cot.
This is not you it's about her perception of what working in the main office represents. She probably feels embarrassed emptying her office and setting up in a less worthy place.

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