AIBU to feel guilty about this

[Yftg8]

I changed jobs a few months back. I'm now moving departments within the same job. All good so far. However because of a disability I have my other two colleagues will have to move out of their office into a shared part of the main office. This is a decision made from above in order to support me in my role. But I feel guilty as they've both been there longer. One of them is ok with it but the other colleague has not spoken to me since the decision was made. I'm a real worrier anyway but I feel guilty. Don't want to go into too many details and have name changed.

Phone your Union 🌸

I think it’s a shame that there wasn’t a meeting of all parties to discuss what was going to happen and why and to give the opportunity for feedback. It’s a lack of communication here that seems to have upset people. I feel for you as I have disabilities and anxiety and I think that the pandemic has made many situations harder for most of us to cope with change.

Sorry you're going through this OP, it's infuriating that some people are still this ignorant when it comes to needing adjustments for things you can't see. I guarantee if you had a physical disability she wouldn't be running her mouth or challenging the recommendation for you to have what is a very reasonable adjustment. Its such a shame that still people have to fight for what they need and people always want it justifying. I would definitely address it somehow as no one should be made to feel like that ever, but how you do so depends. If you feel confident in talking directly then do that, but if you don't and want it formally logged then go to your manager. It's her causing the trouble, not you.

@Joan1957

I think it’s a shame that there wasn’t a meeting of all parties to discuss what was going to happen and why and to give the opportunity for feedback. It’s a lack of communication here that seems to have upset people. I feel for you as I have disabilities and anxiety and I think that the pandemic has made many situations harder for most of us to cope with change.

But why should there have been a meeting about OPs health in which her colleagues were invited to ask questions :(

I really don't knock w what to do. I'd like to talk to my boss in confidence but I feel like I'll be seen as a trouble maker. I still can't get over the blatant question which was asked and simply the lack of compassion. The person in question has a special birthday on Friday so I organised a whip round and got a present and card signed. Have people lost compassion these days?

@Yftg8

I really don't knock w what to do. I'd like to talk to my boss in confidence but I feel like I'll be seen as a trouble maker. I still can't get over the blatant question which was asked and simply the lack of compassion. The person in question has a special birthday on Friday so I organised a whip round and got a present and card signed. Have people lost compassion these days?

Unfortunately a lot of people don't have much compassion anymore as they view their wants as more important than others' needs. I would speak to your manager, explain what has upset you, you haven't caused any trouble, the one making a fuss and being nasty and intrusive has; try and remember that.

The chain of events is frankly confusing.
Whom did you have the meeting with?
When did grumpy colleague ask whether you really needed it?

Rejecting it didn’t make you look good..so at this point you need to have a chat with your boss and explain the issue. Also with HR but it’s easier if you have boss on your side.

Alternatively other colleagues may stick up for you but none of them seem to be. If this happened in my team grumpy colleague would be told off by everyone

Also to add - did grumpy colleague get on well with you before this?

@Wafflethefuckinwonderdog is this a name ch ange fail…?

@Yftg8

I'd like to talk to my boss in confidence but I feel like I'll be seen as a trouble maker

I'm afraid that ship has sailed away last week

If things are still no better with the 'disgruntled' colleague by now, then I'd definitely be asking my manager for a private chat.

You've got fuck all to lose at this point, except 'some disgruntled colleague' then making a fuss and causing issues because your work is suffering (because you're struggling due to your bloody disability !)

At least if you have an office to yourself, you can shut the door and be able to hear ! (And you won't have to see 'disgruntled' colleague's bloody face 'pointedly ignoring' you all day) That will mean that you will be able to do your work properly, so no-one will be able to start rumors about you not 'cutting it' in your new job.

At this point, you really need to realize that no matter what happens from now on, the 'atmosphere' won't disappear. In fact, because you backed down, they will believe beyond doubt that you are just a 'cheeky fucker' who thought you'd get yourself a lovely office to yourself.

Spoke to manager today and conversation went well.

[quote updownroundandround]@Yftg8

I actually think that it was a huge mistake to have apologized and to have said you're happy to stay put.

The change was made to accommodate your disability.
The decision was not made by you.

Now, by saying you'll be 'fine' staying put, you are, in effect, saying to your colleagues ''I never needed the change to help me cope with my disability''.

So now, your employer will be unlikely to be as helpful/proactive again in the future. This may impact you if your condition worsens or if your work performance is impacted negatively.

Your colleagues think that you tried to 'pull a fast one' and were only stopped from 'getting away with it' because someone went to HR to complain.

And your 'colleague' is still refusing your apology and refusing to speak to you !

Please speak to HR personally and privately, and tell them about your anxiety and explain it was the behaviour of this 'colleague' that was the reason you said you'd be happy to stay seated where you are, as you were very anxious to 'not upset' anyone. (You can't win back the 'favour' of this colleague, because that was never going to happen anyway ! If they were a normal, average person they would have asked you about the move in a normal fashion, not 'sent you to Coventry' and run to HR with a 'complaint' ffs )[/quote]
I totally agree with this.

Op, I worry that by trying to be the nice guy, you possibly have made things worse for yourself.

I totally get the anxiety and how you just want to get on with your job. Hr made the adjustments to allow you to do that. Your colleagues just need to get on with what they've been told

@Yftg8

I'm so glad to hear you've spoken to your manager privately, and that it went well.

You've really been treated very badly by some of your 'colleagues', and and you did nothing to deserve this.

I really hope your manager can help sort this out so that you get the 'reasonable adjustment' you need, and that the 'disgruntled' colleague gets a thorough 'dressing down',( or even a disciplinary action) due to their unacceptable behavior.

Eventually, it will be office 'history' and laid to rest whenever the next 'gossip' in the office starts up (which is usually very quickly, especially when 'colleagues' like you have are involved ! ).

So, chin up, and remember, you were responsible for none of it !

Thanks for that message updown. It's been interesting to say the least and I'll be less trusting in future. Shocking how grown people have acted around this all.

how are you today @Yftg8 🌺🌸