AIBU to feel guilty about this

[Yftg8]

I changed jobs a few months back. I'm now moving departments within the same job. All good so far. However because of a disability I have my other two colleagues will have to move out of their office into a shared part of the main office. This is a decision made from above in order to support me in my role. But I feel guilty as they've both been there longer. One of them is ok with it but the other colleague has not spoken to me since the decision was made. I'm a real worrier anyway but I feel guilty. Don't want to go into too many details and have name changed.

@Yftg8

It's all gone a bit bad. Person has complained to HR.

Do they maybe have a disability? If not I'm not sure what they are complaining about. If you need the office and they don't then it's not your fault there aren't enough to go round.

Did you request the move op?

@Yftg8

My disability is massively helped by having my own space.

Sorry cross posted.

I'd make sure you have put it in writing that although the space would make a big difference in terms of your disability a hostile atmosphere has occurred as a result and so you will sit in the main area but if a space becomes available you would like to be considered for it. And keep this in case it comes up in your review that your productivity is low etc.

I'm not playing martyr at all. I just hate conflict. The disability is something I've only been dealing with for the past couple of years or so. It's really knocked my confidence.

And you shouldn't have given up the office. HR could have dealt with it. If your colleague needed the office for a disability too then they would have sorted it fairly.

playing martyr is frankly ridiculous and I doubt anyone will take you seriously if after all this upheaval you stay put.

Aww you sound like a really lovely person

Op, stay put. Your employer legally has to make adjustments for you and your colleague is bullying you by blanking you. Do not send any more messages to her, it will not help. You owe her nothing. Why should you feel guilty because you have a disability? You need the office, she simply wants it. What sort of dick would be told "this person needs this because she has a disability" and then you kick off because you feel you have more right to something a disabled person needs? She's not worth your time, stick up for your rights and take what you're entitled to. It's easier to say than it is to do, but you need to put yourself first.

Why do you need your own space? I mean, in what way does it help you?

You are implying that space to yourself is not a requirement for you to do the job, so pissing people about will just piss them off.

So she should only get adjustments of she's actually incapable of doing her job otherwise?

What if someone can walk if they can use crutches but they get very tired and can't go very far. Would you begrudge them a wheelchair because they don't neeeed it? They can walk without it after all.

The disablism on this thread is disgusting.

Thanks need. People inferring I'm a martyr and I'm pissing people off. Not at all. I've taken many for the team during the pandemic. But my disability has deteriorated which is why the move is necessary. I feel that if people want to moan and kick off then in order to not rock the boat I'll just stick with where I am. People do not see how a day's work can leave me after being in a main, loud and busy area.

Wow - some harsh comments here to the OP.
I can completely see why she's backing down, though she shouldn't feel that she needs to. She's relatively new, not very confident and intimidated by the reaction of her colleagues (one of whom seems to be quite arsey. Fair enough to be pissed off about being moved, but it would be civil and mature to respond to e-mails about it).
Sounds as if management needed to handle this better so that you're not left managing the conflict, OP. I'm sorry.

What if someone can walk if they can use crutches but they get very tired and can't go very far. Would you begrudge them a wheelchair because they don't neeeed it? They can walk without it after all.

But..they would need a wheelchair to cover a particular distance/after a time. That's a need, not a want.

So Brit I have a hearing issue which has deteriorated.

It has been poorly managed I think.

Another thread where the vipers have jumped on the OP.
OP - you HAVE to realise that those above have made the decision to support YOU. Unfortunately, those who have to move just have to deal with it. You don't owe them anything, you haven't done a single thing wrong. I don't think you should have messaged HR to say you'll "lump it" because this decision was made by senior managers presumably.

If you're were in the same boat, I'd be disgruntled but I certainly would not react as my colleague has.

What your colleague said s doing is really wrong!

HR have to make reasonable adjustments and they have chosen how to do this. Of course she is not going to like it, but that’s an easy conversation with HR and a reminder that if she is rude or hostile to YOU because of this that she is in a dangerous space in terms of discrimination

This is a really simple situation being totally badly handled.

It was pebble . The dissemination of the info has been managed poorly. I didn't quite use the words "lump it" bit did say that in order not to cause further inconvenience I would adjust where possible.

@lughnasadh

Loads of people's MH would be helped by having their own space.

90% of my colleagues would be happier with their own space.

You are implying that space to yourself is not a requirement for you to do the job, so pissing people about will just piss them off.

You should really reflect on the shit you say to other people - this is really unacceptable.

You’re now being bullied as a result of reasonable adjustments made due to a deteriorating hearing condition

Appalling

@Yftg8

So Brit I have a hearing issue which has deteriorated.

Now you've accepted sitting in the main bit could you give it a go for a week then say actually it is making you more tired and you're really sorry to boot them out but you do need that adjustment. That or tell everyone around you to shut up constantly. I have a colleague who has hearing loss in one ear and they always get first dibs where to sit and when we have to move we're all fine if they then decide they'd like to try another desk so they can find the one that works best.

@Yftg8

I actually think that it was a huge mistake to have apologized and to have said you're happy to stay put.

The change was made to accommodate your disability.
The decision was not made by you.

Now, by saying you'll be 'fine' staying put, you are, in effect, saying to your colleagues ''I never needed the change to help me cope with my disability''.

So now, your employer will be unlikely to be as helpful/proactive again in the future. This may impact you if your condition worsens or if your work performance is impacted negatively.

Your colleagues think that you tried to 'pull a fast one' and were only stopped from 'getting away with it' because someone went to HR to complain.

And your 'colleague' is still refusing your apology and refusing to speak to you !

Please speak to HR personally and privately, and tell them about your anxiety and explain it was the behaviour of this 'colleague' that was the reason you said you'd be happy to stay seated where you are, as you were very anxious to 'not upset' anyone. (You can't win back the 'favour' of this colleague, because that was never going to happen anyway ! If they were a normal, average person they would have asked you about the move in a normal fashion, not 'sent you to Coventry' and run to HR with a 'complaint' ffs )

@MzHz

You’re now being bullied as a result of reasonable adjustments made due to a deteriorating hearing condition

Appalling

Agreed. You need to make a note of everything that has happened OP.