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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky fucker texting my dh

437 replies

Mojitoqueen · 15/07/2021 17:46

Dd has a friend at school. I arranged a play date for her and her friend. Turned out I was working so dh picked up the girls and took them out. We’ve never met the girl or her parents before.
Dh said the mum asked him in for tea but he declined. They chatted at the door. Her husband works abroad.
Dh works away from home down south, we are up north. He’s home at weekends.
After the play date she texted dh the usual thank yous.
She’s texted dh today and asked if whilst he’s down south if he could meet her brother and get a box of her things in his car to bring to our home so she can pick up.
Dh replied and said he was four hours away from her brother so won’t be able to do it.
She has since texted him again with approx distances from train stations etc.
I’ve told dh I don’t want a relationship with her, I’ve never met her and it was just to let the kids play. I don’t want her texting my dh for favours and have snapped at dh wanting to be the nice guy and help out, he thinks it’s funny but I’m not happy she’s texting my dh.

Aibu to tell him to stop replying to her?
I now feel uncomfortable arranging anything again.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 19:31

@gobbynorthernbird

There was less drama about the box at the end of Se7en
🤣🤣🤣
LimeRedBanana · 15/07/2021 19:32

@Chartreuseglass

How old is your daughter? I’m presuming quite young given “playdate”. So what I think is unreasonable is that you let your young daughter go to get friends house having never met the mother and having no intention of.
The OP’s DH looked after the girls, not the other way around.
Butterfly44 · 15/07/2021 19:33

Seems the real problem here is your insecurity. He's an adult, he can deal with it.

Regarding the request - The request was cheeky, but possibly reasonable if the relative happened to be close and I would have helped out if that was the case. But 4h is a no. She should have left it there. Asking to go and giving train times. Wth. I would be laughing at how ridiculous it is.

Your DH probably does find it funny. I certainly don't think you've anything to worry about. I'd think weirdly of anyone who did what she did. It'll fizzle away. But going in and taking over makes you look Hele aloud and in her eyes she'd think there are cracks in your marriage. Better to just let be. Just ask DH not to entertain the convo anymore

Aaa456789 · 15/07/2021 19:33

I totally agree with you! CF needs to know her place and stop texting another woman’s husband who she doesn’t know plus he’s already said no.

LimeRedBanana · 15/07/2021 19:34

and your DH is playing along🙄

Where are you reading this, because I’m not seeing it. He’s said he’s not getting the stuff. He’s also said he’s not going on a 4-hour train ride to pick it up either.

Chartreuseglass · 15/07/2021 19:34

Ah! Thanks @LimeRedBanana. In that case the other mother is remiss

TheSaucepanMan · 15/07/2021 19:34

I understand op, as someone who would reply with a simple 'no sorry' and leave it at that it gets irritating when others around you feel they have to justify themselves in their no. Also I find that people who make all kinds of justifications end up doing the very thing they said no to then moaning about it.

People don't need to know why just yes or no the rest is none of their business.

MiddleParking · 15/07/2021 19:35

They would both piss me off too. Her for being a cheeky fucker and your husband for encouraging further contact from her and then rubbing your face in it with laughing emojis Hmm they both sound desperate and childish.

FlaminEckVera · 15/07/2021 19:36

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Deeply unpleasant thread. I never think twice about the numerous women who text DH, both colleagues and friends. Of course in most people's world that's fine. But I agree there's something 'off' about this. She's messaging a near stranger out of the blue demanding favours: that's strange in itself, especially when the favour isn't even necessary and it would be easy to simply have a courier deliver the parcel.

He's said no and she's still pestering: a person she barely knows. Muriel's right: she has no boundaries and people like this do invariably end up being more trouble than they're worth. If he is revelling in the attention to wind her up, I'd also suggest he needs to grow up.

As to what you do about it I don't know, but agree that interfering with your partner's phone isn't it. But I'd not be even slightly happy if my DH handled this kind of situation in this way. YANBU.

Agree with this. And I also agree it is a deeply unpleasant thread with - as I said, and several others have said - the usual nasty, scornful responses, (response number 25, 'you sound unhinged' has now been deleted thankfully.)

I agree with @MilesOfSand who said 'all the cool girls are on here for us to admire!' even though their post has been mocked and laughed at. Although, I strongly believe that they are only 'cool girls' on mumsnet, and in real life, they'd go fucking batshit if the same situation was occurring with their husband. And I agree with a few posters that the OP's husband is revelling in the attention.

@Mojitoqueen I'm out, as I can't stand the nasty comments aimed at you on here, and anyone defending you. If I were you, I would ask mumsnet to delete this thread as it's not going to get any better, and it's not going to help you. Too many people on it who enjoy kicking someone when they're down.... All the 'crying with tears of laughter' emojis and mocking and taunting..... Nasty as fuck. Hmm

As I said, I'm out. Hope this thread is deleted soon.

Confusedandshaken · 15/07/2021 19:36

@Taliskerskye

the old mumsnet adage You have a DH problem Not a CF problem
She doesn't have a DH problem. The woman asked and DH said no. What more is he supposed to do?

The woman is undoubtedly a CF but that's hardly the husbands fault.

Unless there is a massive drip feed coming that your husband is a serial cheater with a proven record of screwing around YABU OP.

Zlk02 · 15/07/2021 19:37

This woman sounds beyond crazy OP. Maybe your DH just thinks she’s funny, but I agree, a simple “no can do” would suffice. She needs to be shut down - now. This sounds ridiculous. “Down south” is hardly a destination - a 4-hour journey time is the difference between say, London and Cornwall! Hardly the same neck of the woods! Bonkers.

LimeRedBanana · 15/07/2021 19:37

@MiddleParking

They would both piss me off too. Her for being a cheeky fucker and your husband for encouraging further contact from her and then rubbing your face in it with laughing emojis Hmm they both sound desperate and childish.
More projection.

It sounds like the DH is laughing at the CF, and kind of expecting his wife to join in.

This is how much of a threat the CF is not.

hyperbole001 · 15/07/2021 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

iolaus · 15/07/2021 19:40

When you say he's engaging do you mean he's entertaining the idea and flirting with her (I wish I could help you youare so pretty' or 'whats in the box - is it all your lingerie?') is he just responding to her texts with a 'lol, no thats 4 hours away', then 'I don't care if the train station is 23 minutes closer, I'm still not doing it'

Because the first one I'd be on your side, if its just he's being polite by responding but remaining firm I'd have no issue with him answering her rather than ignoring

LimeRedBanana · 15/07/2021 19:40

and in real life, they'd go fucking batshit if the same situation was occurring with their husband.

You are not doing yourself any favours with these comments, @FlaminEckVera

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 19:41

and in real life, they'd go fucking batshit if the same situation was occurring with their husband.
No.
It's not a "situation" in that sense at all.

toocold54 · 15/07/2021 19:42

Lots of ‘cool girls’ on this thread for us all to admire.

Genuine question does your DH have/allowed to have female friends?

I have many male friends and wouldn’t think twice about texting a male colleague or my DCs friends dads. A couple of them only live with their dad so I have to text them instead of the mum.
I really don’t see the issue and not sure why you think someone is ‘cool’ because they allow their partner to talk to whoever they want.

Friday999 · 15/07/2021 19:44

*Tbh it is a bit over-familiar that she's just met him once and feels it's ok to badger him for favours even though he's said no. It's a kind of ownership thing; seeing if she can get him to do this ridiculous favour.

Hermes etc is very cheap, and it obviously makes no sense for your DH to waste petrol as he is 4 hours away from her brother. So not sure why they're still texting each other about it?

I don't think your controlling OP. I would never start texting an attached man I had just met like that.*

……………….

This ^ And very good point about “ownership”

Nancydrawn · 15/07/2021 19:45

How very strange this thread has become.

No, of course I wouldn't get mad at my husband if someone behaved like this. It's not very nice of me, but I'd be laughing with him at her cheekiness, not getting worried that he's trying to arrange an affair with someone so patently ridiculous.

And as for 'cool girls', this isn't something where reasonable people might have different boundaries, like a partner going on vacation with his female best friend. This is a man saying no to a woman who's being ridiculous and laughing at her ridiculousness.

This is not a threat, unless you are very, very easily threatened.

ilovesooty · 15/07/2021 19:45

@Umbra

I see the cool wives have arrived.
How tiresome.
LifeinPieces21 · 15/07/2021 19:46

@Orf1abc

She might be being cheeky, but you're being rude all round. You're rude to other posters, you're trying to dictate who your husband can speak to. Maybe step back and get some perspective?
There is a difference between speaking to someone than them keep texting asking someone to do favours. I the CF sounds unhinged not the OP.
Blossomtoes · 15/07/2021 19:46

real life, they'd go fucking batshit if the same situation was occurring with their husband

I’d laugh if it was mine. A sex god he ain’t.

Nayday · 15/07/2021 19:46

WTF is this cool girl nonsense?! If it was a man posting this he'd be getting his arse handed to him for being controlling and over-stepping, and rightly so.

Losing your temper with your OH for the way he handles a CF, and overseeing his responses is far from healthy. The CF js a CF but can't see anything that suggests she's stealing a husband!

Waiting for the OP to say that DH has form for playing away...

MiddleParking · 15/07/2021 19:46

@LimeRedBanana er, no, ‘projection’ doesn’t just mean ‘someone disagreeing with you’ Hmm This doesn’t sound like he’s enjoying a joke that the OP is on on, or that he thinks she’s in on:

I asked him to stop engaging in conversation with her and she will get the hint. He put a laughing emoji, feels like he’s enjoying it.

OP’s been clear with her husband that she feels uncomfortable and he’s replied with a laughing emoji, which in my book makes him a dickhead. So yes, I would be pissed off at him, and no, that’s not projection. Even if you wouldn’t feel the same way.

VinceBitMe · 15/07/2021 19:48

@Mojitoqueen

There is no need for a rude, narky response
She’s literally answering a question you asked 😂