Cheeky fucker texting my dh

[Mojitoqueen]

Dd has a friend at school. I arranged a play date for her and her friend. Turned out I was working so dh picked up the girls and took them out. We’ve never met the girl or her parents before.
Dh said the mum asked him in for tea but he declined. They chatted at the door. Her husband works abroad.
Dh works away from home down south, we are up north. He’s home at weekends.
After the play date she texted dh the usual thank yous.
She’s texted dh today and asked if whilst he’s down south if he could meet her brother and get a box of her things in his car to bring to our home so she can pick up.
Dh replied and said he was four hours away from her brother so won’t be able to do it.
She has since texted him again with approx distances from train stations etc.
I’ve told dh I don’t want a relationship with her, I’ve never met her and it was just to let the kids play. I don’t want her texting my dh for favours and have snapped at dh wanting to be the nice guy and help out, he thinks it’s funny but I’m not happy she’s texting my dh.

Aibu to tell him to stop replying to her?
I now feel uncomfortable arranging anything again.

Let’s agree to disagree then @MiddleParking - but it very much reads to me like the OP’s DH is laughing at this woman’s weirdo CF behaviour.

She could not be less of a threat.

She's unreasonable for asking.
You're unreasonable for your over the top response.

Also hate the cool wives term - pathetic that a mocking term has been created just because not all women want to control their husbands every move, or assume he's cheating because a female breathed near him.

@MiddleParking 'projection' seems to be the latest mumsnet buzzword to chuck around when someone doesn't agree with your opinion.. someone accused me if it the other day and got its meaning badly wrong. Loving the armchair psychology

If your husband sleeps with every woman who texts him then that's sad and I'm not surprised you're insecure. But the rest of us aren't "cool girls"... we're just not with shitbags.

its a complete no no her texting your DH - she's clearly got no boundaries

That’s the word I was looking for : boundaries

Oh, I don’t think the woman’s a threat at all (unless the husband is even more of a dick than he appears to be). I think she’s got a brass neck, which is why I’d be annoyed at her, not just for the general act of ‘texting my husband’.

@stellaisabella

She's unreasonable for asking. You're unreasonable for your over the top response.

Also hate the cool wives term - pathetic that a mocking term has been created just because not all women want to control their husbands every move, or assume he's cheating because a female breathed near him.

You do get some posters saying they wouldn't care if DH decided to travel Europe for a month with a fit blonde female friend who had just separated from her partner and they wouldn't feel threatened

[quote Nayday]@MiddleParking 'projection' seems to be the latest mumsnet buzzword to chuck around when someone doesn't agree with your opinion.. someone accused me if it the other day and got its meaning badly wrong. Loving the armchair psychology [/quote]
I suppose it’s slightly more palatable than the once-ubiquitous ‘narc’.

We all have different ways of dealing with things. Your DH has chosen to be friendly in the way he said no to the favour.

The issue here is your DH knows you're not comfortable with the situation and he's continuing it. I wouldn't be happy with this.

You do get some posters saying they wouldn't care if DH decided to travel Europe for a month with a fit blonde female friend who had just separated from her partner and they wouldn't feel threatened

Right. You see that all the time on here.

I’d laugh if it was mine. A sex god he ain’t

I must admit my first response was to assume that the OP's husband is so drop-dead gorgeous that women are always throwing their knickers at him

So, he's 'keeping it going' for his own entertainment?

Yes, she's a CF for sure. But he's being a jerk if he's entertaining himself at her expense or if he's enjoying the attention she's giving him in trying to get him to do what she wants.

He should have shut her down after she sent the train schedules with "No, I said I won't be doing that. Please don't continue to ask".

Neither of them comes out of this looking great, IMHO.

It does come across that you’re more upset because your jealous another woman is actually daring to message your husband (if this isn’t the case then why even mention her husband works abroad unless u think she’s making moves on your husband?) rather than the actually cheeky request itself that’s the issue.
Sending a few messages isn’t ‘having a relationship’. It’s a few messages. And he’s an adult and can actually message who he wants when he wants. You might not like her or want anything to do with her, doesn’t mean he has to follow you like a sheep.
Yes she’s a completely CF and no from her behaviour I wouldn’t want to be best friends with her either but tbf he has already said he’s not picking the stuff up for her and it’s quite amusing to watch how far with the CFery she would be willing to go. Trust your husband and let him deal with her.

You do get some posters saying they wouldn't care if DH decided to travel Europe for a month with a fit blonde female friend who had just separated from her partner and they wouldn't feel threatened

None that I’ve ever seen. Unless they’ve already decided to chin him off.

@Flowers500

Christ almighty sounds like you’re reacting like a dog who wants to piss all over everything…

He said no, it’s not practical. The only one who is being “rude and narky” is you

This

@CousinKrispy me too! Find it very strange that she is asking him to get that box for her. Why can she just have it delivered by a currier?
Personally I wouldn’t carry anything for anyone I don’t even know.
Just think when you go to the airport and they ask you if anyone put anything into your suitcase. I think it’s the same for a car. No bloody way!
Op YANBU! She is just strange!

She sounds like a CF to me.

Your husband met her once for a few minutes while he picked up and then dropped off her daughter, having never seen or spoken to her before.

And then she sends him a message asking for a fairly big favour that involves travelling for hours or meeting a stranger somewhere, and when he says no she doesn't accept the refusal and instead tries to come up with solutions to turn it into a yes?

That's the sort of thing you might ask of a relative or good friend, but not someone you've only met for a few minutes, no matter how friendly your kids are.

Actually I never let my daughter play at someone’s house I’ve never met. I arranged the play date and gave her my dh number as he was taking them to a trampoline park.
So yes I do feel uncomfortable that a total stranger is now texting him asking for favours and yes I am slightly insecure about it. I’m human, I have insecurities…I’ve had shit happen in the past that has made me that way, my whole life actually, not by Dh but yes sometimes they creep up im not perfect and dh understands.
In fact dh says he wouldn’t be happy if I had texted a random school dad asking for favours and trying to make conversation, he would feel off about it too.
I wish I could be more secure, im flawed but I sure don’t need bitter and nasty responses…those who have been vile your no better than me. Im insecure sometimes, I own it and I work through it.

@Mojitoqueen

I’m annoyed because he replies and justifies it to her about the distance, telling her when he’s coming home etc and keeping the conversation going. Yes don’t want her texting my dh and trying to get pally with him and I don’t want to get into a situation where we are asked for favours all the time. She’s acting like he’s her close friend.

Maybe she has no friends and is lonely, maybe she sees your husband and possibly you too as becoming friends. Won't work though, you are controlling.

If this was a man posting, mumsnetters would be saying red flag, controlling, leave them, what right have they got to dictate who you speak too.

You have no right to tell anyone, DH included who they can and can't talk too

OP, I would feel the same, both about the CF-ery and the texting generally.

Obviously anyone can be friends with whoever they like, male or female.

But a "new" friend, who suddenly pops up on the basis of one playdate between classmate children, and immediately wants favours? Not bloody likely.

Your husband probably thinks it's absolutely hilarious. I suspect he wouldn't find it so funny if it were the other way round, though, and some random CF man were texting you and you were not telling him, politely, to fuck off.

I don’t ‘allow’ or ‘not allow’ my DH to do anything. That’s not what the cool girl comment I made was about. What I’m referring to is the harsh comments referring to the OP’s feelings on this. They’re… human and normal and common. The berating and ridiculing and calling controlling and referring to allowing and not allowing is showboating basically. It’s not a discussion aimed to help the OP.

OP, our posts crossed. Everything you said in the most recent one makes perfect sense.

@LimeRedBanana

is revelling in the attention to wind her up, I'd also suggest he needs to grow up.

You have no idea that he’s ‘revelling in the attention’.

It sounds like he finds the silly bint’s antics funny and is laughing. At her.

That is why the beginning of my sentence, which you've conveniently omitted from your selective quoting, said 'IF'.

Of course I have no idea!

[quote EmergencyHydrangea]**@FlaminEckVera

Mojitoqueen Of COURSE YANBU. And anyone saying you ARE, would be reacting exactly the same as you if the same thing happened to them, so ignore them putting you down and dismissing your worries, and calling you 'jealous' - they would ALL be pissed off by what's going on.

What are you talking about? I wouldn't give one single crap about someone asking my husband to do them a favour[/quote]
I think the responses of @FlaminEckVera are peculiar too.

[quote WeLovePeaSoup]@CousinKrispy me too! Find it very strange that she is asking him to get that box for her. Why can she just have it delivered by a currier?
Personally I wouldn’t carry anything for anyone I don’t even know.
Just think when you go to the airport and they ask you if anyone put anything into your suitcase. I think it’s the same for a car. No bloody way!
Op YANBU! She is just strange![/quote]
Now thinking she's wanting the OP's husband to be a drug mule.

I kind of hope it's true, as it might teach him not to get involved in texting random mothers of his children's classmates.