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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky fucker texting my dh

437 replies

Mojitoqueen · 15/07/2021 17:46

Dd has a friend at school. I arranged a play date for her and her friend. Turned out I was working so dh picked up the girls and took them out. We’ve never met the girl or her parents before.
Dh said the mum asked him in for tea but he declined. They chatted at the door. Her husband works abroad.
Dh works away from home down south, we are up north. He’s home at weekends.
After the play date she texted dh the usual thank yous.
She’s texted dh today and asked if whilst he’s down south if he could meet her brother and get a box of her things in his car to bring to our home so she can pick up.
Dh replied and said he was four hours away from her brother so won’t be able to do it.
She has since texted him again with approx distances from train stations etc.
I’ve told dh I don’t want a relationship with her, I’ve never met her and it was just to let the kids play. I don’t want her texting my dh for favours and have snapped at dh wanting to be the nice guy and help out, he thinks it’s funny but I’m not happy she’s texting my dh.

Aibu to tell him to stop replying to her?
I now feel uncomfortable arranging anything again.

OP posts:
Teaandjam · 15/07/2021 20:22

This has to be a joke!

Charley50 · 15/07/2021 20:22

@thebeachismyhappyplace2

What does CF mean?
It means Cheeky Fucker
lovelybitofsquirrell · 15/07/2021 20:23

@Notmoresugar

Block her on his phone.
This is terrible advice and insanely controlling.
MyriadeOfThings · 15/07/2021 20:24

@Bluntness100, not any woman though.

One that is insistent he is going to help her. One that doesn’t take NO for an answer. And basically one that is a real CF.

I personally think it sets the scene and gives much more reason for the OP to not trust that woman in particular.

FWIW somehow the OP must trust her DH. He is away most of the week. If she was that jealous or insecure, no way their relationship would have survive that.

Original poster
Mojitoqueen · 15/07/2021 20:24

@Bluntness100 you just use my words to twist and bully. You are a bully.

You know thats not what I meant. I don’t trust people I don’t know generally, and yes I don’t trust her intentions. I do trust my dh it doesn’t mean I want a random woman thinking it’s appropriate to text him asking for favours.
Yes I have insecurities. I will say it again…I have insecurities. Sometimes they come out and I have to deal with it. Shoot me I’m such a terrible controlling person. Call the people in white coats.

OP posts:
fan90 · 15/07/2021 20:24

She's definitely a CF trying to wrangle a favour somehow.

But my goodness, are you twelve and on your first crush? So possessive. Your husband isn't going to take her stupid box so just let it be.

Bluntness100 · 15/07/2021 20:25

Ok my apologies op that was not my intention. 💐

I’m simply trying to say, you’ve nothing to worry about. Your husband loves you ans trusts you. That’s all that matters. What she does is irrelevant.

LifeinPieces21 · 15/07/2021 20:25

Mojitoqueen

Most of us know what you are saying.

Beachbabe1 · 15/07/2021 20:26

I would feel exactly the same as you OP. I would not be happy with her texting my DP and what a CF she is!! I would tell me DP to stop replying to her and give that friendship a wide berth. This is why I don't have friends anymore, you meet someone and are friendly with them, the next mi utre they are asking for lifts, money, favours etc!! Ummm sorry no! Sort your own life out, I'm busy enough running my own life!

Bluntness100 · 15/07/2021 20:26

Sorry that should say and you trust him.

Hillaria · 15/07/2021 20:26

@Bluntness100

Also think about it op, if you trust him, why does it matter if you don’t trust women round him? As long as you trust he won’t go there, then you’ve nothin to worry about. 💐
Stop it, Bluntness.

Unless you are happy to keep on having digs at someone who is human and has the kinds of anxieties that the overwhelming majority of people do in real life (MN is polarised between 'OMG, my "hubby" spoke to another woman in 2018, so he must be planning to leave me', and 'I'm cool with my husband shagging 23 school mothers').

Anybody with the tiniest inkling of understanding of human behaviour knows why these sorts of things can cause trouble. You are being disingenuous to suggest otherwise (I would said naive, but 20 years on MN suggests to me that you are very much not naive).

gabster33 · 15/07/2021 20:27

Yep - send her a link to shiply - but also try and sort out what else is going on. Surely it is going to cost in train fares - possibly as much as a courier.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 15/07/2021 20:27

I would never dream of texting a school mums husband

I think you mean school dads?

Maggiesfarm · 15/07/2021 20:27

@nimbuscloud

He’s an adult. He can deal with it. He doesn’t need your input.
I agree.

It is ridiculous to ask him to do a four hour drive just to pick up a few things from her brother. I daresay some people have no idea of the size of the London area but he has told her now so that should be the end of it. Her brother can surely pack the things up, or have them packed, and sent to her by courier or rail (if she pays for it all).

However, leave it up to him.

Hillaria · 15/07/2021 20:28

Things moved on while I was typing. Apologies.

lactofree · 15/07/2021 20:29

She can use a courier or post it

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 20:32

@NCJ2021

Doesn't
Well, it depends on what angle you're coming from, I suppose. I don't "trust" people I don't know (why would you) but I don't specifically "not trust" them either. Am I making any sense?
MiddleParking · 15/07/2021 20:33

I wouldn’t trust her either. Literally all one can glean about her is that she has no sense of maintaining boundaries with strangers.

youkiddingme · 15/07/2021 20:34

@Mojitoqueen

I do trust him actually and I know he would never cross the line. It’s her I don’t trust and I don’t want her calling my dh up for favours. He’s a nice guy who would help anyone so I could see how he could agree to help. I am insecure about opening that can of worms, next it will be diy and all sorts of things. I certainly don’t want a friendship with her, and dh has known her two mins at the door, so you can’t call that a friendship. If it makes me uncomfortable then dh will respect that. He would feel the same.
It sounds like you and DH have worked out roughly that you are on the same page OP. You do your marriage your way.

Genuinely? You suspect any woman might wish to go after your husband? That must be exhausting. - it probably is, the OP has already said she's insecure and is working on it. Dealing with people who love to rub her face in it must be more exhausting still.

I personally couldn’t give a shit if anyone fancied my husband or went after him, it’s irrelevant. I trust him. It’s not about them. It’s about him. Good for you.

OP is she really pretty? Is this because men only shag someone universally considered more attractive than the wife?

EmergencyHydrangea · 15/07/2021 20:35

@MiddleParking

I wouldn’t trust her either. Literally all one can glean about her is that she has no sense of maintaining boundaries with strangers.
But why would that matter if the husband was trustworthy?
QueenBee52 · 15/07/2021 20:35

I personally couldn’t give a shit if anyone fancied my husband or went after him, it’s irrelevant. I trust him. It’s not about them. It’s about him.

🤣😂🤣😂🤣

sqirrelfriends · 15/07/2021 20:35

I'm going against the grain here and saying YANBU and to nip it in the bud.

I've had similar, playing the damsel in distress and in the end she tried to muscle in on my relationship. Ex bf was oblivious but loved playing the knight in shining armour.

The key is how your DH handles it, to me it looks like he's trying to preserve some sort of a relationship so not to look rude to your DD's friends mum. If he starts wanting to go out of his way for her then you need to have a chat.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 15/07/2021 20:35

I wouldn't be impressed with that yanbu

BoysTownGang · 15/07/2021 20:35

@LimeRedBanana

The Op had said herself in her posts that her DH has continued to answer this CFs texts.

viques · 15/07/2021 20:37

@TopBlogger

You knew her well enough to leave your daughter at their house for a play date!

Where did OP say that @viques?

Sorry misread. He took them back to the house and chatted on the doorstep. As you do.