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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky fucker texting my dh

437 replies

Mojitoqueen · 15/07/2021 17:46

Dd has a friend at school. I arranged a play date for her and her friend. Turned out I was working so dh picked up the girls and took them out. We’ve never met the girl or her parents before.
Dh said the mum asked him in for tea but he declined. They chatted at the door. Her husband works abroad.
Dh works away from home down south, we are up north. He’s home at weekends.
After the play date she texted dh the usual thank yous.
She’s texted dh today and asked if whilst he’s down south if he could meet her brother and get a box of her things in his car to bring to our home so she can pick up.
Dh replied and said he was four hours away from her brother so won’t be able to do it.
She has since texted him again with approx distances from train stations etc.
I’ve told dh I don’t want a relationship with her, I’ve never met her and it was just to let the kids play. I don’t want her texting my dh for favours and have snapped at dh wanting to be the nice guy and help out, he thinks it’s funny but I’m not happy she’s texting my dh.

Aibu to tell him to stop replying to her?
I now feel uncomfortable arranging anything again.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/07/2021 20:10

In fact dh says he wouldn’t be happy if I had texted a random school dad asking for favours and trying to make conversation, he would feel off about it too

For me the gender is irrelevant, the issue here is she’s a woman. So you think either she fancies him or he fancies her. That he might shag her. That’s what the key issue is, not her texting, it’s the fact you trust him so little.

thebeachismyhappyplace2 · 15/07/2021 20:11

What does CF mean?

custardbear · 15/07/2021 20:12

He needs to tell her
Postage would be cheaper than 8 hours of my time and expenses! Wink
I wouldn't be happy either - this is just the first request too ... it'll get worse

MiddleParking · 15/07/2021 20:12

I would be unapologetically unavailable for a ‘friendship’ with a lonely mum from school that started with one brief doorstep meeting followed by a texted request for a time-consuming and inconvenient favour, and so would my husband be.

BadNomad · 15/07/2021 20:13

I'd be a bit bemused too if someone I'd only chatted with for 5 mins thought that meant they could start asking for favours. Your DP us being an ass for keeping the convo going just to wind you up.

Mrstamborineman · 15/07/2021 20:13

Only on mn do cool mums congregate and not bat an eye at their dh’s befriending random women.

Original poster
Mojitoqueen · 15/07/2021 20:14

I do trust him actually and I know he would never cross the line. It’s her I don’t trust and I don’t want her calling my dh up for favours. He’s a nice guy who would help anyone so I could see how he could agree to help. I am insecure about opening that can of worms, next it will be diy and all sorts of things. I certainly don’t want a friendship with her, and dh has known her two mins at the door, so you can’t call that a friendship. If it makes me uncomfortable then dh will respect that. He would feel the same.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/07/2021 20:15

@Mrstamborineman

Only on mn do cool mums congregate and not bat an eye at their dh’s befriending random women.
God who else hates this stupid put down of “cool mums/wives”. It’s been done to death, just becayse someone trusts their husband and doesn’t have an issue with them conversing with someone of the opposite sex doesn’t in some way make them “cool” or worth of put down. It just means they trust their partners not to go shagging anyone who happens to text them,
Hillaria · 15/07/2021 20:15

@Bluntness100

In fact dh says he wouldn’t be happy if I had texted a random school dad asking for favours and trying to make conversation, he would feel off about it too

For me the gender is irrelevant, the issue here is she’s a woman. So you think either she fancies him or he fancies her. That he might shag her. That’s what the key issue is, not her texting, it’s the fact you trust him so little.

@Bluntness100, you may be blunt, but try to be kind, too.

OP has said she is sometimes insecure. She's not the only one by a million light years (despite how it might appear on MN).

Being insecure and not trusting someone else are not the same thing.

If we ignore the 'relationship' aspect of this, for a minute: a good, kind, thoughtful friend doesn't do things that make another friend feel crap. They might think the friend is mad for feeling crap, but they don't do it - because friendship is not based on "I know this will upset you, but I'm going to do it anyway". It's based on give and take.

Relationships should be this, but magnified.

It doesn't matter why the OP is bothered by it. The fact is, she is bothered by it, and her husband needs to stop fannying around and remember that his loyalty is to her, not to some woman he has met once.

Bluntness100 · 15/07/2021 20:16

It’s her I don’t trust

But you’ve never met her. You don’t know her. Does this mean you don’t trust any woman near your husband?

grapewine · 15/07/2021 20:17

@Notmoresugar

Block her on his phone.
Yes, let's treat the husband as a child and not an independent adult with agency. That's mature.

The man said no.

Original poster
Mojitoqueen · 15/07/2021 20:18

@Bluntness100 of course I don’t trust someone I’ve never met

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/07/2021 20:18

Also think about it op, if you trust him, why does it matter if you don’t trust women round him? As long as you trust he won’t go there, then you’ve nothin to worry about. 💐

grapewine · 15/07/2021 20:18

@Bluntness100

It’s her I don’t trust

But you’ve never met her. You don’t know her. Does this mean you don’t trust any woman near your husband?

Sounds like it. OP, you need to chill.
toocold54 · 15/07/2021 20:18

WTF is this cool girl nonsense?! If it was a man posting this he'd be getting his arse handed to him for being controlling and over-stepping, and rightly so.

I completely agree.
There’s been no mention that’s there’s been any flirting or inappropriate behaviour so I don’t understand what the issue is.
If a grown man wants to text someone he can and he can decide if she is overstepping the mark and deal with it, just like a grown female is able to resist the advances of men.
This women and the DH may end up good friends or he could think she’s a CF and not talk to her again.
This is being completely blown out of proportion.

NCJ2021 · 15/07/2021 20:19

@Bluntness100

It’s her I don’t trust

But you’ve never met her. You don’t know her. Does this mean you don’t trust any woman near your husband?

I think it's clearly obvious OP meant she does t trust her intentions. You don't have to meet someone to not trust their intentions. Actually, you don't have to meet anyone not to trust them. Stop clutching at straws.

She said she is insecure, leave it.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/07/2021 20:19

I do trust him actually and I know he would never cross the line. It’s her I don’t trust
This makes zero sense when you've never even met her. The statement literally contradicts itself.

NCJ2021 · 15/07/2021 20:19

Doesn't

LifeinPieces21 · 15/07/2021 20:19

It's not about the OP's DH talking to other women, it's more her asking him for favours which is just cheeky, pathetic and a bit "Oh, I'm a little woman who's DH is away. I don't have the brains to arrange a courier so I'll ask that bloke who I've just me to sort it for me".

toocold54 · 15/07/2021 20:19

OP is she really pretty?

I do think it’s strange you are jumping to such big conclusions even if you’ve had trust issues in the past this scenario wouldn’t make me worry at all unless your DH can’t be trusted and you said he can.

Bluntness100 · 15/07/2021 20:20

[quote Mojitoqueen]@Bluntness100 of course I don’t trust someone I’ve never met[/quote]
Genuinely? You suspect any woman might wish to go after your husband? That must be exhausting.

I personally couldn’t give a shit if anyone fancied my husband or went after him, it’s irrelevant. I trust him. It’s not about them. It’s about him.

LifeinPieces21 · 15/07/2021 20:20

Just met

LimeRedBanana · 15/07/2021 20:20

If it makes me uncomfortable then dh will respect that. He would feel the same.

Then you don’t have an issue at all - and I think all most people are trying to say is, yes she’s a CF! And she sounds so annoying as to not register on most people’s radar as any kind of threat.

It really doesn’t sound as if you have any thing to worry about.

A word to wise - maybe don’t post on AUBU asking for opinions. I don’t mean that in a harsh way. I say it because I never would myself! Just come on and read other people’s threads - don’t post your own. Safer that way. Wink

MyriadeOfThings · 15/07/2021 20:21

@OlympicProcrastinator

onlyhereforthecake

The woman is being cheeky. The DH is entertaining it. The OP is feeling a bit insecure and unhappy about it. A lot of women would. That doesn’t make her, controlling, unhinged, a nightmare, batshit or any other nasty shit people on here want to call her.

I agree with you.

And tbh the issue here is that the DH is enjoying the ego stroke of that woman contacting him, asking for help WHILST his DW is insecure/unhappy about it.
I mean surely he should have cottoned out by now that him contacting her makes her uncomfortable?

MilesOfSand · 15/07/2021 20:21

‘Cool girl’ is overdone, I agree and I used it. But it’s overdone because it’s shorthand for exactly this type of behaviour - where compassion and human feelings are overridden for the purpose of people to show off how ‘straight talking’ they are and how immune to these types of feelings they are. So yeah, cool girl. I’ll use it again.