To my half siblings shouldn’t get 50% of my parent’s house?

[reannneeee]

Paternal half siblings. They are 20 and 22 years older than me. Their mum joint owns with their stepdad and she was better off after the divorce as he left her the house. Me and my full brother raised in social housing as my mum and dad always struggled for money.

My parents ended up expressing a wish to purchase their property with Right To Buy in my late teens. They had a fair amount saved up but nowhere near enough. The property is in a desirable area and I saw it as a steal to get it with the Right To Buy Discount, so I agreed to save up and then give the money to my parents to use to be able to use Right To Buy. I ended up providing about 75% of the money (it took a good few years and meant I spent bugger all on fun and delayed my own life events) used for it. My full sibling has a learning disability and can’t live independently. The deal between me, my mum and dad was if I helped them to be able to buy the house, once they go I could have it and use 25% of the money on supporting my brother. None of the house is mine legally but we knew it’d benefit me and my brother in future if I helped them buy it now.

This was a few years ago. DF has now decided to write a will, he isn’t ill but wants to in the event of a sudden death. He has decided he’d feel guilty doing the original plan and excluding his older children. He now wants us to have 25% of the house each. He says that my financial support in making it possible for them to buy the house is negated by the fact that they let me live there rent free. I’ve not expressed this to him but I’m quite annoyed. My mum was also the bigger contributor for their portion of the deposit out of the 2 of them. I also know that when they go, all of the care for DB will go on me. I’ve already been told I’ll be his power of attorney, will manage his money etc. My half siblings are significantly older with their own well established lives. Mum is upset as well but doesn’t want to rock the boat.

Aibu to think DF is being unfair?

OP, please don't settle for the £42k back. Think of the opportunity cost. You might not have been able to afford their house without the Right to Buy discount but you might have used the deposit and income for smaller place that would be worth much more. Or you might have been able to study and have a much more lucrative career. It won't be easy but you might need to front up your DM and DF separately. And, although you know you would not leave your DB in the lurch, ask them what their plans are for his care rather than let them get away with assuming you'll do this.

Good luck.

That was another option as well, keeping the property as a ‘base’ for me as DB so to speak. A bit would have been remortgaged for half siblings.

I wonder if this was DF’s intention all along

It's possible - I know someone in a very similar position where it certainly was - but you're past that now and he'll certainly never admit it

I mean the next bit a lot more kindly than it'll probably sound, but I'm afraid it sounds as if you're still being pretty naive; indeed some might even say you're making a mug of yourself, particularly over your DB. Of course you want him to be properly cared for, but that doesn't necessarily mean it has to be by you, and certainly not just because "they expect it"

How would you do that anyway, with 25% of the house proceeds and another suitable one to buy in an expensive area? And that's assuming your DPs don't have to spend it all on care for themselves

Time, I'd suggest, to start prioritising your own needs rather than dancing to their tune any further

When you front up your DF, OP, ask him and your DM when they decided their current position was fair? Was it recently and did they previously agree the split with your DB and you was fair? If not, did they always intend for you to fund most of the deposit, contribute to the mortgage but to have equal shares? If so, why didn't they say this?

Ask them to set out their intentions regarding your DB? If they intend you to continue, how would that work when the place needs to be sold to give their other DC 25% each? If you get hit by a bus, will the other DC step up?

It might make them uncomfortable but try and make them unpick their thinking.

Good luck.

That was another option as well, keeping the property as a ‘base’ for me as DB so to speak. A bit would have been remortgaged for half siblings

Given that would mean a mortgage for 50% of an already expensive property, could you afford it - especially if your earning capacity was limited by DB's care needs if you decided to take this on?

And what would you do if the half siblings start pressurising you to sell in order to release the capital for them?

Is there not a paper trail for the money you gave? I know that when I got a gift off my parents towards a deposit they had to write a letter which I gave to the mortgage company saying it was a gift and there wouldn't be any recourse. Did you do similar?

I can only imagine your frustrations of your dad changing his mind.

100% agree you should seek legal advice. I think as a minimum it's fair that you get your deposit back & then the remainder is split between all siblings.

Oh Op, that's awful of your DF - I'd see a solicitor if I were you to establish your legal rights and see if there's a way to get your contribution to the deposit ring-fenced. From the sounds of it, you'll need that money to look after your DB in the future so if you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for him. Good luck!

DF says I’ll probably get more than the money I put back in from price rises anyway so doesn’t see what I’m ‘moaning’ about. DB and half siblings will get the same so happy days Doesn’t see why I’d want the £42k back when I’ll probably get more in my 25% share. It isn’t fair though. DB wasn’t able to help them by the house, my half siblings didn’t (not that they did anything wrong in not doing so), I helped them! They point blank wouldn’t own it without me!

And me getting more than my 42k from my 25% share isn’t guaranteed. They could decide to build bloody HS2 100 metres away for all we know. I know I should have considered that back when I decided to do this but I was only 18. They say me down and said “Would you like to help us do this as a great investment for your future?”.

I am so angry.

@reannneeee

This is very important, please read.

If your parents leave any assets to your brother and he needs social care, the assets will be taken into consideration when he is financially assessed. If, for example, it is decided he needs to move into supported living accommodation, part ownership of a property will mean he may be required to pay for some or all of his care. Currently, anyone who has property (that they’re not currently living in), shares or savings etc over £23,250 will be expected to pay for their care.
You need specific legal advice for this matter.

I have complained to DF a bit but haven’t pushed it.

Mentioned that I’m not happy but haven’t expressed to him I feel he’s planned it, I’m pretty sure he has though.

You should as a minimum get the £42k back and then 25%! Can't believe he can't see that!

FWIW, I think you should get much more, but at the very least you should get your money back and then your inheritance share.

I don't blame you for being angry, but you need to take action. Presumably there is a paper trail of your money leaving your bank account and going into theirs. If not get your dad to acknowledge this in an email as 'evidence.' Don't tell him. Then get legal advice. You don't need to go in hard with solicitors, but it will really help you decide what action to take. You obviously don't want your relationship with your parents to break down, but you also don't want to continue to be walked over.
Yes you only could have bought a small place of your own with that money initially, but it would have acted as a springboard to the next, bigger, place.
Although it's very hurtful, try and take emotion out of it now, and see what legally you are entitled to regardless of future inheritance.

@reannneeee

I was only 18 when it all started and quite naive.

He's an absolute dick to allow his 18 year old dd to finance his deposit, I won't argue against that.

You won't be complaining when you ask leading questions, OP. When did he decide this? Did he always think this? Why didn't he tell you as soon as he knew this was his decision? How much would a small place be worth that you could have funded with a £42k deposit? Would there be any inheritance to give to your step=siblings if you hadn't contributed to most of the deposit and to the mortgage? How is it fair to give 25% to four people, only one of whom funded most of the deposit and contributed to the mortgage? What are their plans for DB? Where will DB live when the property is sold to give 50% to the two other siblings? Ask detailed questions requiring factual answers so he has to own this. Did your step-siblings get a deposit given to them?

Get your DM to repeat those answers so she owns them or disagrees with them.

Good luck.

It was always meant to be:

I help them with the deposit=I make money from the house when they go hopefully with no/not that much mortgage left by then, use some money to support DB and give half-sibs a fair amount too.

Well it could be that 25%-when you get it! could be more than you paid in.

I'm in my late 50s & only recently lost my remaining parent.

House was sold for care fees.

I don’t think they’ll get the mortgage paid off or that close to it tbh though. But that’s not relevant to how the equity of what is paid of gets shared out.

If I knew DF would fuck me over like this I really wouldn’t have bothered.

I can’t save up for my own property now. I now rent and have bills to pay and have a child. My chance has been and gone because I helped my parents under a false promise.

Perhaps I will get legal help. I felt it’ll likely be a non-issue as DM is younger than him but if they both died suddenly next (god forbid) week I’d be snookered.

You are right to seek legal advice.

Is there any chance you could speak to your step siblings and see if they would back you up.

I’m not close to my half-siblings due to the age gap but when we do see each other we get on fine. They aren’t grabby and AFAIK they don’t even know of DF’s plans. They know I helped with the house deposit.

They absolutely are entitled to some of their DF’s estate and they would have gotten their fair share. I presume they are expecting a proportionate amount of their dad’s half of the house with the knowledge in mind that me and my mum are the main contributors. But also once my parents go I don’t think they’d refuse the money which is fair enough because who would?

So I don’t think they’d insist DF is right. They aren’t that type. I don’t know whether I’d want to drag them into all of this though when it’s a dispute that could go on for years to come.

@reannneeee

I don’t think they’ll get the mortgage paid off or that close to it tbh though. But that’s not relevant to how the equity of what is paid of gets shared out.

Never get mortgage paid off? What makes you think that?

When did all this happen?
What was length of mortgage?

It would be odd for them to have been sold a mortgage that goes beyond an age at which they could pay it off. Are you sure?

‘But also once my parents go I don’t think they’d refuse the money which is fair enough because who would?‘

By that I mean if DF got his way and they got 25% each. Not the original plan, their share would be theirs fair and square in that case.

This happened in my family but my aunt drew up a legal agreement as to her share of the ownership. If you didn't do that I'm not sure what you can do but your DF is being unreasonable. I think at the very least you should have your mothers 50 percent between you and you half sibling and then the other 50 percent split into four. I would take legal advice now