To my half siblings shouldn’t get 50% of my parent’s house?

[reannneeee]

Paternal half siblings. They are 20 and 22 years older than me. Their mum joint owns with their stepdad and she was better off after the divorce as he left her the house. Me and my full brother raised in social housing as my mum and dad always struggled for money.

My parents ended up expressing a wish to purchase their property with Right To Buy in my late teens. They had a fair amount saved up but nowhere near enough. The property is in a desirable area and I saw it as a steal to get it with the Right To Buy Discount, so I agreed to save up and then give the money to my parents to use to be able to use Right To Buy. I ended up providing about 75% of the money (it took a good few years and meant I spent bugger all on fun and delayed my own life events) used for it. My full sibling has a learning disability and can’t live independently. The deal between me, my mum and dad was if I helped them to be able to buy the house, once they go I could have it and use 25% of the money on supporting my brother. None of the house is mine legally but we knew it’d benefit me and my brother in future if I helped them buy it now.

This was a few years ago. DF has now decided to write a will, he isn’t ill but wants to in the event of a sudden death. He has decided he’d feel guilty doing the original plan and excluding his older children. He now wants us to have 25% of the house each. He says that my financial support in making it possible for them to buy the house is negated by the fact that they let me live there rent free. I’ve not expressed this to him but I’m quite annoyed. My mum was also the bigger contributor for their portion of the deposit out of the 2 of them. I also know that when they go, all of the care for DB will go on me. I’ve already been told I’ll be his power of attorney, will manage his money etc. My half siblings are significantly older with their own well established lives. Mum is upset as well but doesn’t want to rock the boat.

Aibu to think DF is being unfair?

Move this to legal issues. Providing that much money to the deposit on the house means you could have a legal stake if you act now and take legal action to recoup your costs.

It would be more fair for your parents to split your mum's half 50/50 and your dad splits his share 4 ways. As he has 4 children compared to your mother's two. Where does your brother live now?

In the circumstances YANBU. If he wants to leave “something” to his older DC then a couple of thousand (if his estate would support that without having to sell the house) for a holiday would be more appropriate.

I think you need to speak to him again about it. Be very factual about how you’ll need to look after your DB and that that’s going to cost money. Remind him that yes, the not charging rent was great, but you scrimped and saved for the house purchase on the basis of your original agreement with him and your Mum.

He’s pulling the rug from under you and it’s going to impact you and DB whilst doing little to materially alter the situation for your half sibs.

I'd be putting contacting a lawyer and getting a charge out in the house to ring fence your contribution to the deposit.

This sort of thing is upsetting. YANBU to feel it's unfair.

In the end it's down to him though. He has 4 children and wants to treat them equally.

Have you discussed it with him? Assume yes as you know what's in the will.

If that's what he wants then that's what he wants.

I know it's really hard but there's no point dwelling etc. Because it won't change anything.

You can’t be forced to be power of attorney for your brother.

As PPs said legal might help on the deposit.

If there's no formal agreement then what can be done. I dunno. Get this moved to legal OP.

Normally I think these types of threads are the op BU.
However, in your case I think your dad is completely out of order, considering you are the reason they have their house. Due to supplying deposit I would definitely do as PP have suggested and find a lawyer

Aside from all the other issues raised (your deposit etc) why does your father get to decide what is done with the house? Is it not half your mother’s? If he dies first would it not go to your mum?

Yes, it would go to mum. He is a fair bit older. It’s the principe of it that upsets me the most. I feel he tricked me.

YANBU. Someone needs to rock the boat! It doesn't seem at all fair, given your contribution, your mother's contribution, and the responsibility you will probably bear for your brother. Your mother should be brave enough to stand up for her children!

I would find that extremely unfair given the circumstances.
I’m skeptical you have much legal recourse, but he is being so unfair, I wouldn’t really worry about the personal relationship impact of seeing if there is any way you can stop this from happening.

YANBU. I would have to say clearly I’m very hurt. Living rent free is not a fair compensation, if I’d bought myself a house instead I wouldn’t have been paying rent nor watching my dad contemplate giving my house away. I won’t be able to look after my brother if I can’t afford it, and honestly will you ever speak to him again? Is he a nice dad? Or a very very selfish one who takes you for granted and expects a lot?

Do you have any proof or paper trail (evidence) to prove you provided 75% of the money towards the right to buy?
Was it a gift? Did you get the original agreement (before your dad changed his mind?) in writing?
His two eldest DDs will be entitled to some but it should be out of whatever amount HE contributed.
Does his eldest two DDs know you paid for 75% of it?
You need to speak to a solicitor to see where you stand. Good luck.

you have been royally tricked and your mother needs to grow a backbone here.

If he’s a fair bit older he will likely die first, the house will pass to your mum and she will sort it out.
Generally I think it’s out of order to exclude half siblings but given your contributions and your disabled DB I think ours fair enough.

And what if the mother develops dementia before the father dies? She should make a will now, advised by a solicitor, to deliver the outcome she would favour in the event of her husband predeceasing her. Also, what if either/both needs residential care? At that point, OP is potentially stuffed anyway.

You need to take legal advice about protecting your contribution if it was done on the basis of an agreement as to how the hoyse would be divided on your parents death & particularly if that was to address care & accommodation concerns for your own (full) sibling. Go & do that so you can be confident as to any next steps you can take. Then have a discussion with your DF. Does he understand that if he leaves 50% of the property to your older half siblings that it would mean you'd have to raise 50% of market value, by mortgage if necessary, to buy them out. A lenderwill not be so keen to advance a mortgage loan if your full sibling has a percentage share so Lender only gets security over 75% ( you having bought out the older two).. And if you can't afford to buy them out, they could force the sale of the property to realise their 50% share. Where does that leave you & your DB ? Could you afford to buy somewhere else with that amount? You need to do some straight talking to both of your parents. Usually I would advocate that half siblings should be treated equally but in the circumstance you describe this present proposal of your DF's is unfair. Check out 'legitimate expectation' & list all you've done & what you've paid towards that house in reliance of your understanding with your DPs & take it to a solicitor. Best of luck...

And check 'promissory estoppel'... there are specific tests for you to rely on expectation & estoppel & you'll need to show you behaved in a certain way because of promises made & particularly if it caused you detriment (such a forced scrimoing for years)...but a good solicitor should be able to advise if you can rely on either if it comes to it. You will need to have all the facts (dates, who said what, who was there when it was said etc) & figures to hand.

Speak to a lawyer

He’s definitely tricked you. What a horrible thing for a “father” to do. Move this to legal issues. Don’t let him get away with this. Good luck

YANBU. Firstly, you were deceived and secondly your disabled brother will be put out of his home, when it has to be sold. Your half siblings win all the way, without taking on any responsibility for DB.

Options could include a life interest in the property for you and your brother? That way, if this can't be sorted more fairly, at least you can live there. Or you could tell your parents DB will have to live in a home if they insist on doing this.

where I live, if you have any sort of financial interest in a property, you are able to place a caveat on the title to prevent it being sold or transferred until the debt is cleared or taken to court.

What you have written is exactly what DH went through but with a friend many years ago. All handshake stuff. Friend met a woman, who was aware of the deal as was I, but friend died first and woman became executor of the Will and distributed the assets to herself being his new wife.

Because nothing was in writing and the money transferred many years prior, very little records could be obtained from the acting bank, and the case failed miserably without the wife being put on the stand.

Please do something about fixing this for yourself now. DH was given many excuses during my time with him as to why his name couldn't be added to the title as co-owner, this only delayed matters further as DH felt compromised in his friendship and the original arrangement.

Your Dad has no right to act as a sole owner of the property.

That is unfair. Your mum’s share should be split between you and your brother, and your dad’s share between his 4 kids if he wants to leave something to them. Your mum’s share shouldn’t be going on kids that aren’t hers.

I mean, they can of course do what they like. But I understand why it seems so unfair.

Yanbu

It is fair enough for him to want to treat his 4 children equally but if he changes the deal he is stealing from one of his children (you) to give to the others. Whilst yes the deal you made when you handed over so much cash should have been put in writing, you didn't insist on it because you assumed your own parents would be honest and trustworthy and it didn't occur to you for a moment that they would cheat you.

Morally, the percentage portion of the value of the house that you paid for is yours already so it is ridiculous to say your contribution is "negated" by the the fact they "let you live there" - morally that building is partially your property and you have every right to live there and to keep it. The portion of the house that your parents paid for is theirs to do with as they wish and certainly they can choose to split it between their children in whatever way suits them. An equal split between the 4 isn't particularly morally required though - certainly the fact that your mum only has 2 children whereas your dad has 4 means that they could quite reasonably weight the balance in favour of you and your full sibling. The fact that you clearly have a greater earning potential could certainly lead to you getting a smaller share than your full sibling as a proper inheritance (over and above being assigned what is rightfully your already) but presumably your full sibling will always need you to manage their financial affairs on their behalf. The maximum that your half-siblings can morally expect is a quarter-share each of your dad's half-share of the portion of the house that he and your mum corporately paid for (not including the portion you paid for).

The minimum you should expect is the portion of the house you already paid for - if you get no more than this then your effective inheritance is zero, if you get less than this then you have been cheated and stolen from. The maximum you might reasonably expect would be the portion you paid for plus 37.5% of the remainder, with your half sibling getting 37.5% of that remainder and your half siblings getting 12.5% each of that remainder. Your parents are within their rights to choose a different balance for that bit though, so long as you get the minimum as per the above.