DH booking himself a kayaking afternoon without including me

[IntergalacticP]

DH has booked himself a kayaking trip for tomorrow afternoon without discussing it. He will be gone for approx 7 hours. I'm quite annoyed about and told him I thought it was a bit selfish to book himself an activity without talking to me beforehand (although obviously I wouldn't tell him he couldn't go). He doesn't see where I'm coming from and has pointed out I'm working (which is true).

For extra context, he did this about 2 months ago- booked himself a three day walking holiday without discussing it with me (hotels etc) and left me to stay home, work and deal with the kitchen fitters that he knew were coming that week. I was pissed off that time and thought we had agreed booking things without communicating wasn't on. We're also due to be on holiday together next week for two weeks and don't yet have anything planned so we could have gone together next week.

So aibu to think he should have discussed it with me before booking it?

Oh yes booking the 3 day walking holiday is not on. I apologise for reading in a rush.

It's his day off..... he can do kayaking!

I'd be mightily pissed off if DH winged at me planning an activity on my day off!

Re. The walking holiday it is weird he didn't mention it but that doesn't make sense because he must have mentioned it at some point before he left?

He doesn't need to ask permission though. Just oh fyi I'm off on a trip is fine imo

@Sadiecow

It's his day off..... he can do kayaking!

I'd be mightily pissed off if DH winged at me planning an activity on my day off!

But wouldn't you also be pissed off if there was an activity your DP knew you loved and soon you had some days off together, so an opportunity to do it together but he went and booked it for himself alone when you were busy?

It really isn't about control or permission, it's about communication and thoughtfulness. I'm genuinely surprised at the number of people who don't see this.

@ILoveShula

Do you have children under 18?

It sounds like he has checked out of the marriage. Might there be an OW?

That's not just jumping to conclusions, it's pole vaulting.

But wouldn't you also be pissed off if there was an activity your DP knew you loved and soon you had some days off together, so an opportunity to do it together but he went and booked it for himself alone when you were busy?

No. Because DH can do the activity twice - once alone and once with me. Kayaking isn't a once in a lifetime thing.

I have hobbies that I share with my DH, I wouldn't stop him doing those things alone on his days off, because there's no reason he can't also do it with me when I'm off.

Being resentful of how your partner spends their free time while you are working is a bit 'dog in the manger' to my mind.

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

But wouldn't you also be pissed off if there was an activity your DP knew you loved and soon you had some days off together, so an opportunity to do it together but he went and booked it for himself alone when you were busy?

No. Because DH can do the activity twice - once alone and once with me. Kayaking isn't a once in a lifetime thing.

I have hobbies that I share with my DH, I wouldn't stop him doing those things alone on his days off, because there's no reason he can't also do it with me when I'm off.

Being resentful of how your partner spends their free time while you are working is a bit 'dog in the manger' to my mind.

Fair enough, if he is happy to do it again the following week.

If you enjoy kayaking, it's not exactly something you're going to get bored of after 1 session

He's obviously an outdoorsy type (going by the walking holiday to Skye), so will probably want to do outdoorsy stuff with the OP when she's off work as well.

I'm outdoorsy, and wouldn't stay indoors on my day off for no good reason. I'd go climbing, fell running or mountain biking, and then when my DH is off, I'll do exactly the same but with him. DH wouldn't say anything about my solo plans other than to ask my planned route and when I plan to be back.

In fact, the OP says she wouldn't have wanted to do the walking holiday... It's probably reasonable to assume that she's a fair bit less outdoorsy than her DH is.

He might have planned to go kayaking on his solo day off so that they could do something she enjoyed on their shared days off.

My DH and I both ski off piste, but he skis a lot harder than I do. He plans his hard ski days for when I'm not going to be around, then does stuff at my level when we're together. I don't resent the fact that he goes skiing without me, because I'm happy for him to have an opportunity to do the harder stuff that he enjoys.

The kayaking is fine. Pre-DC, I often went for lunch or a day out with a friend without telling my DH in advance (though I'd usually mention it the day before so he knew where I was). Now, of course, I message him before confirming so he knows he'll be in charge at home that day and shouldn't book anything himself.

The holiday is a bit odd. The thing I'd be most miffed about is that he left you to deal with the kitchen fitters. Having said that, YABU to stay in a house where a kitchen is being fitted if you can afford an Airbnb/self-catering/cheap hotel locally...it's complete hell! I'd have booked a nice one-bed locally to escape the chaos myself.