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Original poster

DH's behaviour getting stranger and stranger

170 replies

Pandaredbear · 14/07/2021 13:02

DH has been showing some strange behaviours over the past few years (he may have always been like this but perhaps I haven't noticed?). The older we get (currently late 30s), the less tolerance I am having with a grown man tantrumming. Whereas before it would have upset me, i am finding myself no longer caring if he makes a fool out of himself. I just have no time for dramas at all anymore. Life is too short.

Anyway, his latest thing is whenever he sees me busy with something around the house, he will purposefully call me over and get my attention. Then when I go to see what it is he wants, he will talk about something trivial and then ask why I am always lingering around, wanting to speak to him HmmGrin I just don't know how to react to these funny little games.... Confused

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 14/07/2021 13:04

Did he start doing the calling you over thing after you stopped reacting to his tantrums, by any chance?

TakeMeToKernow · 14/07/2021 13:05

… does he do that as a joke? Like, he thinks it’s funny. Bloody hell, your man needs hobbies.

Original poster
Pandaredbear · 14/07/2021 13:06

Yes, this is his new thing today. To make himself feel like I'm obsessed with talking to him...in reality, I'm just trying to clean the houseWink

OP posts:
shouldistop · 14/07/2021 13:07

I can't tell if you're joking or not? That's really weird behaviour.

ApolloandDaphne · 14/07/2021 13:07

What sort of things does he tantrum over? What does he do when you ignore them?

ineedaholidaynow · 14/07/2021 13:07

Do you ask him why he does that?

Does he do things round the house?

ChaToilLeam · 14/07/2021 13:07

Sounds like gaslighting to me.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/07/2021 13:07

Why don't you go out for a walk and suggest that he cleans the house?

FetchezLaVache · 14/07/2021 13:08

Well, it's quite subtle, I'll give him that...

TakeMeToKernow · 14/07/2021 13:08

To steal a phrase from another poster, this plus tantrums would make my vagina heal up.

Do you have DCs?

Original poster
Pandaredbear · 14/07/2021 13:08

@TakeMeToKernow no, he just has this self-importance about him. He must think I have nothing better to do with my time Grin

OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 14/07/2021 13:09

Don't leave what you're doing to go to where he is. You can be polite but carry on with your own thing.

He sounds like an annoying prat though.

FlorenceWintle · 14/07/2021 13:09

What forms do his tantrums take?

Awrite · 14/07/2021 13:09

Unless it's one of the kids screaming in pain, I never go when called. They want me, they find me.

MarcusRashford · 14/07/2021 13:10

It sounds like a control thing. My ex DH did something similar. If I was trying to read an email or a text, or anything he'd pepper me with questions. Normally he barely cared if I was alive, until I was reading something else. I did ask him why he did this, he gaslighted. He's an ex.

chatw0o0 · 14/07/2021 13:10

@PragmaticWench

Don't leave what you're doing to go to where he is. You can be polite but carry on with your own thing.

He sounds like an annoying prat though.

This is what I was going to suggest - can you respond with "Yes?" and carry on with whatever you are doing until he asks his question? Or not that simple with the way he does it...?
NotImpossible · 14/07/2021 13:10

I'd start telling him that if he wants to show/tell you something he can come to you. Then just carry on.

stupidstupider · 14/07/2021 13:11

Play your little game by shouting ' no, fuck off, I'm busy' everytime he does it.

I couldn't live like that - is he bored and using you to amuse himself and be the big man for attention? Or is he just a dick?

What do you like about him? Is it a longer list than things you dislike?

Sidge · 14/07/2021 13:13

Has he got nothing better to do? A job? Hobbies? Interests? (Apart from being a dickhead)

Original poster
Pandaredbear · 14/07/2021 13:13

@FlorenceWintle All sorts. If we are out with family and friends he will glare at me with a thunderous face, as he doesn't want to erupt in front of them. He is constantly making up strange lies about me.

If we are out on our own he will shout, stamp around, etc. If we are at home, he used to disappear everytime I said something he didn't like.

Now I don't put up with it, he has more or less stopped. I also told him that if he behaved like that in front of our family and friends again, I would no longer be attending any get togethers with him Hmm

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/07/2021 13:17

The more behaviours you're describing, the more unpleasant he sounds. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Sounds like an abusive twat to be honest.

Faranth · 14/07/2021 13:18

DP has a tendency to phone me about something right when I'm in the middle of doing something (obviously he doesn't know that, but it's uncanny!) and then start some convoluted tale about how he saw John, you know, John. You do. He used to go to the pub, his sister is married to pete. You know Pete. Yes, you do. You do. He had a blue van. A vivaro. Like Simons. Simon from the corner shop. Tall, Blond hair... And on and on and on. Drives me fucking scatty.

I lost patience with it since wfh and started responding with 'is there a point to this, as I'm actually quite busy / need to get on?' it only took a couple of times, and now he just tells me whatever he needed to tell me, rather than everyone's inside leg measurement. Hmm

How do you think DH would respond if he called you over and you immediately said 'yes, what do you need? Will it be quick as I'm in the middle of something?

Faranth · 14/07/2021 13:21

Oh, cross posted.

I thought he was just not very self aware, but actually he sounds horrid.

Fuck him off out of it - just imagine how much more serene you would feel if you weren't waiting for him to throw a strop wberytime you're having a nice time.

AryaStarkWolf · 14/07/2021 13:22

It sounds like neither of you like each other much (I can understand why you wouldn't like him)

SeaPinks · 14/07/2021 13:22

He is constantly making up strange lies about me
That's awful. What is he saying? That would be a dumpable offence for me

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