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Original poster

DH's behaviour getting stranger and stranger

170 replies

Pandaredbear · 14/07/2021 13:02

DH has been showing some strange behaviours over the past few years (he may have always been like this but perhaps I haven't noticed?). The older we get (currently late 30s), the less tolerance I am having with a grown man tantrumming. Whereas before it would have upset me, i am finding myself no longer caring if he makes a fool out of himself. I just have no time for dramas at all anymore. Life is too short.

Anyway, his latest thing is whenever he sees me busy with something around the house, he will purposefully call me over and get my attention. Then when I go to see what it is he wants, he will talk about something trivial and then ask why I am always lingering around, wanting to speak to him HmmGrin I just don't know how to react to these funny little games.... Confused

OP posts:
HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 14/07/2021 15:53

I'm struggling to tell if the OP is meant to be lighthearted, but either way his behaviour is quite sinister. Do you realise just how weird this is or you do think you're in a reasonably normal relationship? Your perception of normal can get really warped by bad relationships.

Shuffleuplove · 14/07/2021 15:56

Talk to us about what he’s like with the finances...

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 14/07/2021 15:56

If you're not ready or wanting to leave him then you need to correct his lies at the time he tells them. If he's embarrassed that's tough shit.
Also, when he calls you over you could say I am busy. are you planning to tell me something trivial and then pretend I'm obsessed with talking to you?

Like I said, if you're not planning to leave.

If.

Congressdingo · 14/07/2021 15:58

@AnOnly

This sounds very familiar, have you posted about this before? Especially the bit about making up lies.
Theres no shortage of men like this. Amazingly they all read the same playbook and do the same actions and use the same excuse.

The only thing that changes is that women can much easier find they aren't alone, they can leave (dont need a reason to dump someones ass) and discover that others have been through this and know all the actions/reactions/excuses. Once you know the pattern , you can realise it's better to leave than stay with an abusive partner.

ahoyshipmates · 14/07/2021 16:01

@Pandaredbear

To answer the question- the lies are usually about petty things that he doesn't want to get in trouble for or doesn't want people to think badly of him, so he will say it was my idea or I did it. I asked him why he did it and he said he didn't know Confused
What an arse. Lying to wheedle his way out of things and making you look bad in the process.

Have you ever wondered how much nicer your life would be without him?

ohfuckitall · 14/07/2021 16:03

I think you have been living with this so long that, although theoretically you know it is weird behaviour, you haven't really emotionally internalised just how weird and unacceptable it is. And also haven't realised that you don't have to live with it. You can leave all that stress and frustration and your unpleasantness behind by leaving him.

Think of all that energy you are needing to put into making him behave in a vaguely normal way, all that emotional and mental energy into being able to tolerate his behaviour.

Think how freeing it would be to able able to leave that all behind..

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/07/2021 16:21

"Anyway, his latest thing is whenever he sees me busy with something around the house, he will purposefully call me over and get my attention. Then when I go to see what it is he wants, he will talk about something trivial and then ask why I am always lingering around, wanting to speak to him HmmGrin I just don't know how to react to these funny little games.... Confused"

The best way to react to games is to not play at all. This particular 'game' of his, I'd simply stay where I was doing what I was doing and tell him if he wants to talk to me he can come over here.

But, I think his weirdness is really fucking weird. I think you may have been acclimatised to it slowly (the boiling frog analogy) and so may be missing just how weird he is. How tied to him are you? Because I'd be looking for an exit route by now. He's not going to get any better, only worse.

gillysSong · 14/07/2021 16:26

I'm surprised you've lasted this long, he's a prick.
How you react is up to you, put up and shut up, or divorce him and have a decent life.
Your choice, really.

iklboo · 14/07/2021 16:35

Retired men do pull this shit

He's in his THIRTIES!

SamusIsAGirl · 14/07/2021 16:35

I wonder if this is bringing your DH's dickish behaviour in a new light. Has some similarities to a former abusive DP of mine - I thought it was his depression talking but it wasn't. He really was a passive-agressive controlling dick, most of which wasn't apparent until AFTER I dumped him.

RadandMad · 14/07/2021 16:37

DH will happily ignore me/remain silent when I'm in the room or the car, but as soon as I go to leave or put headphones on in the car, he'll suddenly develop an urgent need to talk.

Pitmanshorthand · 14/07/2021 16:42

It sounds like DH is struggling to know how to react to a number of situations so reverts to what he always does, ie tantrums and lying. As he’s always had strange behaviours and says he’s doesn’t know why he lies, have you considered he may have undiagnosed Asperger Syndrome?

SamusIsAGirl · 14/07/2021 16:45

Whatever he has or not, does he do anything to fix them himself? A thing about being an adult is that it is up to you to fix something that is wrong?

If he doesn't than you must ask the question, why are you still with him?
You cannot fix someone unilaterally.

MargosKaftan · 14/07/2021 17:04

OP - you haven't answered if you have children. That will make the idea of leaving a lot harder- and separating from a man who plays mind games will be a lot harder if you have to co-parent.

If you have no children, leave. It will never get better because this is who he is.

Go find better. (And single is often better)

FrankButchersDickieBow · 14/07/2021 17:11

I am unsure as to why you keep putting laughing emoji's and silly confused face emojis's at the end of your messages.

Your husband is a gslighting twat and things are only going to get worse for you if you stay with this POS.

Coyoacan · 14/07/2021 17:16

It doesn't sound like there is much love lost between you and your DH.

Unanananana · 14/07/2021 17:16

Women are not rehabs for men.

He sounds quite deranged. No diagnosis is enough of an excuse to be a cunt.

Stop answering his attention seeking bleating. Call out his furious looks and stupid lies loudly and publically. What is your job/house/children situation? Is this what you see for your future?

TwilightSkies · 14/07/2021 17:36

have you considered he may have undiagnosed Asperger Syndrome?

Hmm
MargosKaftan · 14/07/2021 17:42

He might have any number of undiagnosed conditions. That would be an explanation for his behaviour, but not change the fact he is a bad partner.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 14/07/2021 17:50

@Pitmanshorthand

It sounds like DH is struggling to know how to react to a number of situations so reverts to what he always does, ie tantrums and lying. As he’s always had strange behaviours and says he’s doesn’t know why he lies, have you considered he may have undiagnosed Asperger Syndrome?
That took a long time to come up.

No, being an abusive cunt does not mean he's Autistic. It means he's being an abusive cunt.

Redruby2020 · 14/07/2021 17:56

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

The more behaviours you're describing, the more unpleasant he sounds. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Sounds like an abusive twat to be honest.

There is always more to these stories.
bluebeck · 14/07/2021 17:57

Why are you still with him?

ohfuckitall · 14/07/2021 18:01

Women are not rehabs for men

I thought that was worth highlighting.

Crabwoman · 14/07/2021 18:08

Christ almighty. I would not put up with that shit..

Jux · 14/07/2021 19:37

You're right, life's too short, love. Do you have children? Are you entangled financially? Lose him anyway.