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Original poster

DH's behaviour getting stranger and stranger

170 replies

Pandaredbear · 14/07/2021 13:02

DH has been showing some strange behaviours over the past few years (he may have always been like this but perhaps I haven't noticed?). The older we get (currently late 30s), the less tolerance I am having with a grown man tantrumming. Whereas before it would have upset me, i am finding myself no longer caring if he makes a fool out of himself. I just have no time for dramas at all anymore. Life is too short.

Anyway, his latest thing is whenever he sees me busy with something around the house, he will purposefully call me over and get my attention. Then when I go to see what it is he wants, he will talk about something trivial and then ask why I am always lingering around, wanting to speak to him HmmGrin I just don't know how to react to these funny little games.... Confused

OP posts:
notactuallylolling · 14/07/2021 19:44

My DH used to (years ago) get stroppy and moody if we ever did anything with my friends or family. I hated it because I felt like I was always making excuses for him or trying to compensate for his ridiculous behaviour. I put it entirely down to some sort of insecurity at the time and as he’s grown up he’s grown out of it (we are 40 now)
Often find the best way to deal with these situations is head on. To avoid the gaslighting (ie making out that it’s all you) maybe keep a log of his wierd moments that you can reel off later.

Regularsizedrudy · 14/07/2021 19:46

Sooo.. why are you staying exactly?

LuxOlente · 14/07/2021 20:02

Imagine how peaceful and pleasant life would be without him.

ProfessorSillyStuff · 14/07/2021 20:12

@Pitmanshorthand

It sounds like DH is struggling to know how to react to a number of situations so reverts to what he always does, ie tantrums and lying. As he’s always had strange behaviours and says he’s doesn’t know why he lies, have you considered he may have undiagnosed Asperger Syndrome?
I have aspergers syndrome and guess what I don't lie or play stupid twat games... what an insult to autistic people...
Porcupineintherough · 14/07/2021 20:34

What's really strange here is why you are with him. Did I miss an explanation of why you like him?

Muchmorethan · 14/07/2021 20:47

@Howcanthisbe123

Your husband needs to be very very careful, looks like his antics have been pushing you away into a stage of no longer caring, won’t be much longer until he accidentally pushes you into not caring about him, his being a fool at his own game.
This is exactly what happened with my XH.

When he met the OW and left, l couldn't give a dam. I started a thread on here as l was so bothered about not caring and being glad he'd gone as life was so much lighter.

Dontwatchfootball · 14/07/2021 21:06

There are a lot of men who think it funny to wind up their partner. Dumpable offence. It is the height of passive aggression behaviour. It sounds like he is messing with you because you put your foot down. Don't stand for it.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 15/07/2021 11:32

The thought of putting up with that type of behaviour from a partner for another 40 or 50 years would have me running for the hills.

Original poster
Pandaredbear · 15/07/2021 13:56

We have 3 small children and I work part time.

We seem to be travelling on different paths. The stronger I'm getting, I stand up to him now, don't put up with any rubbish, am becoming more and more independent,do everything around the house and for the children, work is going great, I have a few good friends, I have lost weight recently,etc, etc.

He on the other hand seems to be on a downward spiral. Even though I work part time, he works far less than I do (working from home, go figureHmm), he has put on weight, he sits upstairs in his underpants, has a shower once every 3 weeks, and spends all of his time on his phone on social media like a teenager. He literally does nothing Blush

Writing it out seems so awful...Sad

OP posts:
Dunkindonuts8 · 15/07/2021 14:00

Do you mean he showers every 3 days? Still gross but.....surely not 3 weeks?

justasking111 · 15/07/2021 14:33

@Pandaredbear

We have 3 small children and I work part time.

We seem to be travelling on different paths. The stronger I'm getting, I stand up to him now, don't put up with any rubbish, am becoming more and more independent,do everything around the house and for the children, work is going great, I have a few good friends, I have lost weight recently,etc, etc.

He on the other hand seems to be on a downward spiral. Even though I work part time, he works far less than I do (working from home, go figureHmm), he has put on weight, he sits upstairs in his underpants, has a shower once every 3 weeks, and spends all of his time on his phone on social media like a teenager. He literally does nothing Blush

Writing it out seems so awful...Sad

If he's sitting in his underpants showering every three weeks, photograph this and tell him you're posting this to your social media accounts asking for advice. My teenagers shaped up when threatened with this. However I would dump the dirty barsteward
grapewine · 15/07/2021 14:51

He on the other hand seems to be on a downward spiral. Even though I work part time, he works far less than I do (working from home, go figurehmm), he has put on weight, he sits upstairs in his underpants, has a shower once every 3 weeks, and spends all of his time on his phone on social media like a teenager. He literally does nothing

He would be out on his arse. That's disrespectful at best. Time to get angry, isn't it?

NameChange2PostThis · 15/07/2021 16:09

Wow. He’s a total waste of space. I stand by everything I posted yesterday, even with, or indeed especially because you have young kids.

LTB

Daleksatemyshed · 15/07/2021 16:24

Maybe he's depressed, he doesn't wash or work, or maybe this is his next plan to try and pull you back into line. You've stood up to his insecurities/controlling behaviour and now he has to change tack and try another way to get you to engage again. Quite honestly, either way he's not on your side Op and I'd have a good think about whst you want to happen next

Penistoe · 15/07/2021 17:43

He wants to break you down because of his low self esteem and your increase in it. Controlling and abusive.

JustGiveMeGin · 15/07/2021 18:10

Carry on onwards and upwards! Dump his pathetic, dirty, lazy arse! And please please tell me you're not having sex with this filthy bugger Envy(not envy)

twoshedsjackson · 15/07/2021 18:18

Having read your further updates, I take back what I said about engaging in tactics to deal with him; I'm coming round to the opinion of other posters who have expressed the opinion that it hardly seems worth the effort. Please consider the example he is setting his children; hardly a role model to aspire to if they're boys, or an example to the girls of what is acceptable behaviour towards a partner.

Isthisit22 · 15/07/2021 18:25

Leave him. He is an absolute loser who doesn't like you. Sorry to hear you have 3 kids but you will all be happier without him

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/07/2021 19:13

he sits upstairs in his underpants, has a shower once every 3 weeks

Ewww! Disgusting.

Please take matters into your own hands and either boot him out or make plans to leave... x

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 16/07/2021 01:15

he sits upstairs in his underpants, has a shower once every 3 weeks, and spends all of his time on his phone on social media like a teenager. He literally does nothing.

Well, I can see how hard it would be to leave a malodorous, lazy manchild and his crusty underpants.

Lullaby88 · 16/07/2021 04:56

Id pretend i didnt hear him.

blubberball · 16/07/2021 05:33

You're clearly flying on your own any way. You're getting stronger, doing everything around the house and for the children. Your work is going great. You're going to be completely fine shaking off this loser. You'll be better off and so will your dc. You deserve better, and single is better. Imagine cracking on with what you want to be doing without him beckoning you. Imagine going out with family and friends without his thunderous face, tantrums and weird lies. It'll be so much better. Good luck op Flowers

Thewinterofdiscontent · 16/07/2021 06:01

So he’s clearly having some mental health issues.
I mean, I’d dump him but kinder than me posters are always talking about recognising mental health conditions and getting help and being understanding.

Pick which route you feel happiest with. Help him sort his depression out or bin him and let him sort it on his own. In truth, you are probably contributing to it in some way ( not in a purposefully being horrible way but as yet another thing that isn’t working for him).

Worldwide2 · 16/07/2021 06:24

He doesn't shower for 3 weeks???? That's beyond disgusting. I'd leave him on that basis alone.
Honestly why on earth are you with him? If I were you I would start planning my escape. You and the children deserve better.
You sound like you are more than capable of going it alone. He hardly contributes to anything you will probably find it easier without him.

Rowofducks · 16/07/2021 06:29

I swear I wrote this thread on here four years ago. I left and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. As the children got older that behaviour became worse as he would try and keep my attention on him instead of them and he was actually jealous of his own children.

The best thing I’ve ever done was leave him. The children are so much happier. I’m happier I have friends work and don’t have a smelly unwashed waste of space taking up my time. It wears you down living with someone like that and that’s what they want.

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