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Original poster

DH's behaviour getting stranger and stranger

170 replies

Pandaredbear · 14/07/2021 13:02

DH has been showing some strange behaviours over the past few years (he may have always been like this but perhaps I haven't noticed?). The older we get (currently late 30s), the less tolerance I am having with a grown man tantrumming. Whereas before it would have upset me, i am finding myself no longer caring if he makes a fool out of himself. I just have no time for dramas at all anymore. Life is too short.

Anyway, his latest thing is whenever he sees me busy with something around the house, he will purposefully call me over and get my attention. Then when I go to see what it is he wants, he will talk about something trivial and then ask why I am always lingering around, wanting to speak to him HmmGrin I just don't know how to react to these funny little games.... Confused

OP posts:
Drivingmeupthewall · 14/07/2021 13:53

@Faranth

DP has a tendency to phone me about something right when I'm in the middle of doing something (obviously he doesn't know that, but it's uncanny!) and then start some convoluted tale about how he saw John, you know, John. You do. He used to go to the pub, his sister is married to pete. You know Pete. Yes, you do. You do. He had a blue van. A vivaro. Like Simons. Simon from the corner shop. Tall, Blond hair... And on and on and on. Drives me fucking scatty.

I lost patience with it since wfh and started responding with 'is there a point to this, as I'm actually quite busy / need to get on?' it only took a couple of times, and now he just tells me whatever he needed to tell me, rather than everyone's inside leg measurement. Hmm

How do you think DH would respond if he called you over and you immediately said 'yes, what do you need? Will it be quick as I'm in the middle of something?

Your post was very amusing @Faranth Smile

Your husband, however, @Pandaredbear, sounds like a stupid, abusive twat. I’d leave him.

Lweji · 14/07/2021 14:05

Your husband, however, @Pandaredbear, sounds like a stupid, abusive twat. I’d leave him.

This.

In any case, when he plays those games, give him a job to do. It looks like he's not busy enough.

NameChange2PostThis · 14/07/2021 14:07

@Pandaredbear why are you with this man?

Please read what you have written. Understand that this is not a healthy relationship. You are living with a ‘Grown man tantrumming’, causing ‘Drama’, who plays ‘Funny little games’. A ‘fool’ DH who ‘Glares’ at you, ‘Makes up strange lies’ about you’, ‘Stamps, and shouts’.

I hope this is a joke that I’m missing, I’d really love you to be making this up, but have a horrible feeling you are genuinely putting up with this shit.

LTB

peridito · 14/07/2021 14:08

Yes ,loved Faranth description of a long winded conversation "everyone's inside leg measurement" Grin

over50andfab · 14/07/2021 14:13

Sounds like controlling, attention-seeking behaviour and the strange lies possibly intended to ostracise you from friends and family.

Perhaps next time he sees you busy and calls you over, ask him to come to you if he wants to chat while you're doing x, y or z. He'll probably then say it doesn't matter and you can respond appropriately. If you say you're too busy to talk he'll then probably accuse you of not having time to talk to him.

Winniewonka · 14/07/2021 14:13

Why is it men that always tantrum? I've yet to see a woman behave like this. We used to get this a lot in my line of work with public and came to the conclusion that there's an awful lot who haven't moved on developmentally emotion wise from when they were 3 years old.
You know the type of man who will punch a hole in the door because his favourite team lost.

I remember many years ago one guy in his late thirties who phoned my workplace to book 2 computers. We only had 3 in total so I told him that numbers 1 and 3 were available at the time he asked. He turned up with his girlfriend.
Computers 1 and 2 were next to each other and 3 was at right angle to them. All in a small space.
The guy then proceeded to berate me by saying "We want to sit together, why have you put us apart?!." He actually stamped his feet and I had to stop myself from saying "You're being ridiculous and you didn't specify this request at time of booking".
Anyway I asked the person on computer 2 if they wouldn't mind swapping. Guy and Girlfriend draped themselves over each other and just looked at Computer 1. I don't think she even switched hers on!
What a Wally! And before anyone suggests, definitely no SN. He reminded me of the guy in 'Toast of London' whose name escapes me.

Doublestar · 14/07/2021 14:13

It sounds like he's realised that you think he's a complete wanker and don't really have time for him any more so he's resorting to acting like a 3yo shouting "mum,mum,mum,mum" in that way they do and when you respond they go "nuffin'".

He's attention seeking bc he knows you've had enough of him and throwing in a bit of psychological manipulation "why do you always want to be around me"? to wind you up and make you feel like you're going mad.
And it's working - you're on here asking why on earth he's doing it as though you may think you yourself are in some way to blame.
Dump him, he sounds horrible and it'll probably get worse - it's a vicious circle - the more he tries to get your attention in this ridiculous way the more you'll lose interest in him

DavidTheDog · 14/07/2021 14:17

I don't know why you find this funny.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/07/2021 14:17

Q: Why do you always want to be around me?
A: I don't

Ilikeknitting · 14/07/2021 14:19

Just be brutal…..tell him “ I’m too busy, I don’t have time for your games. In fact, you can vacuum the lounge, clean the bathroom empty the bin…whilst I’m busy”
He sounds like a dick. Stop pandering to his childish ways.

EadnothTheStaller · 14/07/2021 14:24

I just don't know how to react to these funny little games

Well if you're not planning on LTB, every time he calls you, simply reply, "Busy!"

NCJuly2021 · 14/07/2021 14:24

@ChaToilLeam

Sounds like gaslighting to me.
No, it doesn’t! So exhausting how people throw that term around in situations where it doesn’t even apply.
Branleuse · 14/07/2021 14:27

Tell him that youre lingering around doing something else completely uninterested in speaking to him, so try again later

DismantledKing · 14/07/2021 14:32

Three pages in and no-one has suggested ‘early dementia’ yet? How very unlike Mumsnet.

Bythemillpond · 14/07/2021 14:34

What would happen if you said for him to come to you if he needs to talk to you.

2389Champ · 14/07/2021 14:34

This sounds a bit like narcissistic personality disorder. I’m not an expert, but I was once married someone with it. I didn’t know anything about it or realise what it actually was until I left. These are the main pointers:

  • having an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement
  • needing constant admiration and praise
  • expecting special treatment due to perceived superiority
  • exaggerating achievements and talents
  • reacting negatively to criticism
  • being preoccupied with fantasies about power, success, and beauty
  • taking advantage of others
  • having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of other people
  • behaving in an arrogant manner

Clearly, the one thing that would wind up someone with NPD, is ignoring them, so he sounds like he’s seeking alternative ways to demand your attention.

justasking111 · 14/07/2021 14:40

@DismantledKing

Three pages in and no-one has suggested ‘early dementia’ yet? How very unlike Mumsnet.
Well I did think suggesting to him he ought to get tested for this was one avenue @Pandaredbear could gently suggest to him if only to stop him in his tracks. Retired men do pull this shit
user1471442488 · 14/07/2021 14:41

Ugh, who could be bothered being with a pathetic man baby like this. So unattractive…

Redruby2020 · 14/07/2021 14:43

@TakeMeToKernow

To steal a phrase from another poster, this plus tantrums would make my vagina heal up.

Do you have DCs?

😂😂
Redruby2020 · 14/07/2021 14:44

@MarcusRashford

It sounds like a control thing. My ex DH did something similar. If I was trying to read an email or a text, or anything he'd pepper me with questions. Normally he barely cared if I was alive, until I was reading something else. I did ask him why he did this, he gaslighted. He's an ex.
Yes!! I was going to say the same, my DF does this, amongst many other things, it drives me mad! So glad I choose when or if to be around it!
Ladywinesalot · 14/07/2021 14:48

He’s a manipulative piece of 💩

twoshedsjackson · 14/07/2021 14:49

If you had earphones on, streaming some uplifting music to jolly the chores along, you might "miss" him calling you. Then make a performance of removing the headphones and fixing him with an unblinking gaze when he is forced to come and find you. Still annoying, but at least he can't delude himself that you are obsessively following him. If he says something strange about you, repeat it in an incredulous, slightly amused tone.

Thelnebriati · 14/07/2021 14:52

Start thinking about where your boundaries are so you dont end up in the boiling frog scenario and crossing them later - how bad does he have to get before you feel you are at risk from him?

Original poster
Pandaredbear · 14/07/2021 14:57

To answer the question- the lies are usually about petty things that he doesn't want to get in trouble for or doesn't want people to think badly of him, so he will say it was my idea or I did it. I asked him why he did it and he said he didn't know Confused

OP posts:
SchrodingersMat · 14/07/2021 14:59

What an insufferable twat. My DH would be long gone if he pulled that sort of shit.