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Original poster

DH's behaviour getting stranger and stranger

170 replies

Pandaredbear · 14/07/2021 13:02

DH has been showing some strange behaviours over the past few years (he may have always been like this but perhaps I haven't noticed?). The older we get (currently late 30s), the less tolerance I am having with a grown man tantrumming. Whereas before it would have upset me, i am finding myself no longer caring if he makes a fool out of himself. I just have no time for dramas at all anymore. Life is too short.

Anyway, his latest thing is whenever he sees me busy with something around the house, he will purposefully call me over and get my attention. Then when I go to see what it is he wants, he will talk about something trivial and then ask why I am always lingering around, wanting to speak to him HmmGrin I just don't know how to react to these funny little games.... Confused

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 14/07/2021 15:00

@MargosKaftan

Oh and a wise woman told me, never try to change unacceptable behaviour in a man, just leave. Its not your job to turn him into a better man, its your job to find a better man.
I love this - I will use it forever.

And I agree with all you said in both of your posts.

babbaloushka · 14/07/2021 15:01

WTF...

Thelnebriati · 14/07/2021 15:03

OP, do you feel like you are in a relationship with an abusive partner? He's not just quirky or odd.

Thelnebriati · 14/07/2021 15:04

Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
tinyurl.com/LundyWhy

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 14/07/2021 15:05

Are you going to stay with him?

Howcanthisbe123 · 14/07/2021 15:07

Your husband needs to be very very careful, looks like his antics have been pushing you away into a stage of no longer caring, won’t be much longer until he accidentally pushes you into not caring about him, his being a fool at his own game.

ChargingBuck · 14/07/2021 15:07

@Pandaredbear

Yes, this is his new thing today. To make himself feel like I'm obsessed with talking to him...in reality, I'm just trying to clean the houseWink
Sounds very annoying OP. Next time he calls you over, don't go. You are not his dog, to respond when he whistles.

Just call back "if you want to talk to me, come here, I'm not trailing round after you."

But this runs a lot deeper than today's tomfoolery, no?

Lostmyself86 · 14/07/2021 15:07

He's trying to make you feel like you're the mad one, it's called gaslighting and is a form of abuse. He sounds horrible. Giving you angry looks in public almost as a warning. He's abusive. Leave asap

updownroundandround · 14/07/2021 15:12

I simply couldn't be arsed with all the daily hassle and bloody guessing games etc.

Have you told him that he is on the fast track for divorce ?

What do family and friends say when he's caught out lying again ?

grapewine · 14/07/2021 15:14

If we are out with family and friends he will glare at me with a thunderous face, as he doesn't want to erupt in front of them. He is constantly making up strange lies about me.

Why would you stay with a man like this?

ChargingBuck · 14/07/2021 15:16

All sorts. If we are out with family and friends he will glare at me with a thunderous face, as he doesn't want to erupt in front of them. He is constantly making up strange lies about me.

He's a colossal wanker.

What's in it for you, OP?

Do you have children, & what is your living situation?

I suspect you are going to have to go in guns blazing at some point, & ask him WTF he's playing at. When he denies, minimises, lies, & points the blame back at you ... that's when you decide if you are going to tolerate living with a tool any longer.

Carrotinsaladiswrong · 14/07/2021 15:20

I’d start treating him like a toddler. After 100 times of a 3 year old shouting mummy mummy mummy… you stop going over, you stop engaging and you do the slightly sarcastic “wow darling that’s amazing”, that they don’t quite get is sarcasm yet.

Treat him how he acts.

Muchasgracias · 14/07/2021 15:21

He sounds incredibly insecure and the constant put downs/mistruths and reverse psychology with you is how he copes with that. Which is completely wrong and you can't really go on with a man like this unless he acknowledges this, commits to changing his ways or gets some therapy. You don't need to fix him or a perfect man but he can do way way way better than this. He's just not trying. I'd be laying down a serious ultimatum.

TwinsAndTrifle · 14/07/2021 15:23

Oh and a wise woman told me, never try to change unacceptable behaviour in a man, just leave. Its not your job to turn him into a better man, its your job to find a better man.

I love this.

And leave this horrible man. It will only get worse, I speak from experience.

WhatAShilohPitt · 14/07/2021 15:25

I have no idea what to say - it’s such weird behaviour. I think at the very least, I’d call him out on it every single time. Literally every single time. ‘Why are you telling them that when it’s not true?’ ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’ ‘Why did you just make that up?’ ‘You look furious - what’s wrong?’

Make it crystal clear that you will not play his pathetic mind games or silently allow him to get away with doing it to you in public. He needs to be embarrassed by his actions, especially the lies he tells at your expense in order to avoid embarrassing himself! When he calls you over and you are busy, refuse. Tell him you’re tired of this silly game now.

QueenOfPain · 14/07/2021 15:27

My DP does something kind of similar, although I don’t think there’s anything malicious behind his behaviour. But whenever I’m having a fit of motivation and productivity, running round the house like a whirling dervish getting everything done that needs doing, he decides that’s the exact moment he wants to cuddle and kiss me. I’m sure he must be able to feel that I’m a vibrating ball of energy in that moment and I want to get on and do things rather than be tethered to and slowed down by cuddles and fussing but he still does it.

Bluntness100 · 14/07/2021 15:27

Bloody hell what a weirdo. Can I ask politely is he one of these who thinks he is a genius at work and should have been promoted much higher than he is?

GiantHaystacks2021 · 14/07/2021 15:32

Oh fuck, I would divorce that.
FTS now.

AmyDudley · 14/07/2021 15:33

Sounds quite similar to my older sister - she has a personality disorder. She's very manipulative and unpleasant, throws tantrums, wants to be the centre of attention, lies continually and gaslights.

I and my other sister are no contact with her because she is basically too nasty to be around.

If your DH is similar, he won't change (my sister is in her late sixties, she been like this since childhood, in fact she has got worse as she gets older).
Personally I'd leave him, I'd much rather be on my own than live with an arsehole. He will keep grinding you down until your self esteem is so low you'll think you can't cope on your own.

AnOnly · 14/07/2021 15:34

This sounds very familiar, have you posted about this before? Especially the bit about making up lies.

Shuffleuplove · 14/07/2021 15:35

I was astounded when you said he was so young.

My ex had a tendency to do some of these things. I agonised for ages about why but have concluded that deep down, the biggest motivator for his behaviour wasn’t his high functioning autism or difficult childhood, it was because he is an absolute dick. And hated me (and all women).

Secondbellini · 14/07/2021 15:40

Controlling men almost never change. Even when they do specialist courses to deal with it they generally remain controlling only in less life threatening ways.

It isn’t okay to keep calling someone over. Why doesn’t he walk over to you? You are not a dog to be called to heel.

Just leave. You could be leading a normal happy life right now.

sundaydisposition · 14/07/2021 15:41

He sounds like a man child.

Secondbellini · 14/07/2021 15:42

And it probably sounds familiar to people, because it isn’t strange behaviour really.

Controlling men are very stereotypical and lacking in imagination. They all do very similar controlling things and all respond when you try and evade the control in very similar ways.

ohfuckitall · 14/07/2021 15:52

I just don't know how to react to these funny little games....

By petitioning for divorce?

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