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Original poster

DH's behaviour getting stranger and stranger

170 replies

Pandaredbear · 14/07/2021 13:02

DH has been showing some strange behaviours over the past few years (he may have always been like this but perhaps I haven't noticed?). The older we get (currently late 30s), the less tolerance I am having with a grown man tantrumming. Whereas before it would have upset me, i am finding myself no longer caring if he makes a fool out of himself. I just have no time for dramas at all anymore. Life is too short.

Anyway, his latest thing is whenever he sees me busy with something around the house, he will purposefully call me over and get my attention. Then when I go to see what it is he wants, he will talk about something trivial and then ask why I am always lingering around, wanting to speak to him HmmGrin I just don't know how to react to these funny little games.... Confused

OP posts:
Chikapu · 14/07/2021 13:24

I would not stay with anyone who made up lies about me. Why does he do that?
I'm sorry but he sounds a right twat.

Chikapu · 14/07/2021 13:25

You must be wildly attracted to him while he's having a tantrum, I mean that shit is sexy!

ChainJane · 14/07/2021 13:26

You need to start on your exit plan. When I read the title I was expecting him to be in his late 40s or 50s. If he hasn't hit 40 yet there's a long period of marriage ahead of you so I think you should get out now while you're still young enough to remarry.

Basically your choice is leave him now, or put up with him and leave in ten or more years time. He won't get better, so cut your losses and run.

SpacePotato · 14/07/2021 13:27

Why are you still with him?

ApolloandDaphne · 14/07/2021 13:28

You said it yourself, life is too short for that sort of nonsense. Perhaps it is time to ditch the gaslighting bastard and lead a life free of drama?

MojoMoon · 14/07/2021 13:28

This is more than just being a bit strange or eccentric.

Why are you married to him?

Also why are you cleaning the house while he dicks about?

pinkyredrose · 14/07/2021 13:29

Why the hell are you with him? He sounds insufferable

3Britnee · 14/07/2021 13:30

@Pandaredbear

DH has been showing some strange behaviours over the past few years (he may have always been like this but perhaps I haven't noticed?). The older we get (currently late 30s), the less tolerance I am having with a grown man tantrumming. Whereas before it would have upset me, i am finding myself no longer caring if he makes a fool out of himself. I just have no time for dramas at all anymore. Life is too short.

Anyway, his latest thing is whenever he sees me busy with something around the house, he will purposefully call me over and get my attention. Then when I go to see what it is he wants, he will talk about something trivial and then ask why I am always lingering around, wanting to speak to him HmmGrin I just don't know how to react to these funny little games.... Confused

Fucking leave him. I couldn't put up with that.
catfunk · 14/07/2021 13:33

Just call him out on it every time.
'I'm busy, is it important'?
'I thought you said it was important?'
'no, you called me over here and said he was important' etc etc. Every. Time.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/07/2021 13:34

Young children behave like that - compete with every other call upon your attention e.g. talk to you when you're on the phone or talking to another person, compete with lawnmowers and vacuum cleaners etc. But toddlers are the centres of their own world. Gradually, they grow out of it.

MargosKaftan · 14/07/2021 13:34

Is this one of those threads when you've reached the end, but don't feel like what he's doing is bad enough to leave? If this is a thread where you need to be told its not ok, its not ok.

End the relationship. Spend some time thinking about why you tolerated the tantrums rather than ending the relationship immediately after the first time he shouted and was rude to you. That's not normal in itself and for many woman, would have been the deal breaker. You need a higher threshold of acceptable behaviour to make you stay.

MargosKaftan · 14/07/2021 13:35

Oh and a wise woman told me, never try to change unacceptable behaviour in a man, just leave. Its not your job to turn him into a better man, its your job to find a better man.

pointythings · 14/07/2021 13:36

OK, so you've set some boundaries and he's dodging them - so you'll need to do it again.

Or alternatively reduce the sum total of your life by one attention seeking dickhead husband.

Theunamedcat · 14/07/2021 13:36

So he calls you over you say your busy what does he do then? How can he turn that into your obsessed with me

username18702 · 14/07/2021 13:36

[quote Pandaredbear]@FlorenceWintle All sorts. If we are out with family and friends he will glare at me with a thunderous face, as he doesn't want to erupt in front of them. He is constantly making up strange lies about me.

If we are out on our own he will shout, stamp around, etc. If we are at home, he used to disappear everytime I said something he didn't like.

Now I don't put up with it, he has more or less stopped. I also told him that if he behaved like that in front of our family and friends again, I would no longer be attending any get togethers with him Hmm[/quote]
He sounds like an arsehole OP and the 'thunderous face' is abusive. Who does he think he is? Your abusive Victorian dad? You need to leave him, there is something wrong with him.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/07/2021 13:36

Also, the rule in our house is that if you want to talk to someone, you go and find them. Unless you are calling people down to dinner, you cannot summon them by shouting. It's incredibly rude and presumptuous.

How old are you? Do you have children?

Beetlewing · 14/07/2021 13:43

Life's too short to be dealing with someone else's fuckwittery. Tell him to stop being a dick or else

MzHz · 14/07/2021 13:48

What strange lies is he making up? What do your friends and family think? You must have talked to them?

TiredButDancing · 14/07/2021 13:48

Sounds awful. I'm struggling to see what's in this relationship for you. He tells lies. He m makes going out unpleasant. He tantrums in the house. And now he's gaslighting you. Horrible.

CustardySergeant · 14/07/2021 13:49

What do you think his reaction would be, if you were to say to him all the things you have in this thread, including that his behaviour is getting stranger and stranger?

TurquoiseDragon · 14/07/2021 13:49

Quite frankly, his behaviour isn't acceptable. He is coming across as abusive, and I'd say LTB.

SpeedRunParent · 14/07/2021 13:49

This all sounds a bit worrying. Is there more?

BlackeyedSusan · 14/07/2021 13:50

ltb. sounds nasty. emotional abuse, gaslighting, coercive control possibly.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 14/07/2021 13:50

I just don't know how to react to these funny little games....

I don't think they're funny games, unless he's always had the social skills of a teaspoon and thinks this is somehow a hilarious gag. It's in the pantheon of controlling behaviours and I don't say that because every negative behaviour gets labelled as controlling/coercive/narcissistic these days, I say it because I've been there and I recognise the constant 'need' for you to be at their beck and call, for your attention always to be on them, and for their needs to always, always come before yours.

Unless you genuinely think he's capable of change I'd be reaching "Fuck This For a Game of Soldiers" point around now. And even if he was capable of change, always having to bear responsibility for someone else's shitty behaviour, like a cross between a life coach and SuperNanny, is exhausting.
.

Daleksatemyshed · 14/07/2021 13:50

I can't believe he's so young Op, this sounds like grumpy middle aged man territory. Well done on stopping the other crap but you need to stop this weird new behaviour as well. Do you have any idea what his real problem is?

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