AIBU to not bite my child?

[Charmtaste]

I have twins who have just turned 2. One bites the other constantly. There does not seem to be any malice involved, they will be playing nicely and then one bites. Unfortunately the bitten twin is often covered in nasty bites. He is becoming quite traumatised by it all. I give the bitten twin a lot of attention when he is bitten and ignore the biter. When I have tried to discipline the biter, through time out or shouting he just laughs.

I have asked my HV for advice and she said the biter would grow out of it.
The pharmacist suggested keeping the bitten twin topless and slathered in sudocrem so that he tastes bad to the biter!

Everyone else, my mum, MIL, playgroup ladies, childminder etc says I should bite the biter every time. I just can't bring myself to bite my child. It seems barbaric but on the other hand the bitten twin is in pain.

YANBU: Do not bite your toddler
YABU: Bite your toddler

The solution is to supervise extremely closely so the biter can be intercepted, along with separating the twins when possible. It isn’t easy, but there is a solution that doesn’t involve modelling the behaviour you’d like to prevent.

I put YANBU because I could never endorse biting a child.

But I will add, biting back worked on a friend's DD where everything else had failed, and her DD was like a piranha. Finally she bit a little boy who promptly bit her back on the face pretty hard (I think the visual reminder in the mirror probably helped). She never bit again once she found out her victims might retaliate.

What a silly advice. You are a role model and are supposed to show what to do. If you start biting the only thing you will achieve will be encouraging your baby to continue to do so. If they hit, you show 1000x to use gentle hands instead, if they bite you show how to use gentle hands for the 2000x time.

I don't think you should bite him (& am glad you don't), because how would you do it? To have any effect it would have to be a real bite, leaving toothmarks, and that would be difficult for any parent to do to their child, never mind it would look as though he or she was abused.

It used to be advised to bite biters though.

He will outgrow it but definitely let him know it is wrong to do that, it will eventually sink in.

I came across a couple of books about this the other day:
www.abebooks.co.uk/Teeth-Biting-Best-Behavior-Elizabeth-Verdick/30948983140/bd?cm_mmc=ggl--UK_Shopp_Tradestandard--product_id=COUK9781575421285USED-_-keyword=&gclid=CjwKCAjwlrqHBhByEiwAnLmYUP3AdCTrowzO2uKqN_f37YRAHp7qz8G4s3SEjARqufKBcL0smcw5OxoCdLAQAvD_BwE

www.goodreads.com/book/show/267453.No_Biting_

Good luck.

@copernicium

I don't get this logic. Does it not teach the child that biting is ok?

It shows the biter that's it hurts, and in the majority of cases I knew when I was a child in the 60s it stopped them in their tracks because it was an immediate and painful consequence of bad behaviour.

It doesn't 'work' any differently to smacking or otherwise hurting your child for bad behaviour.

And please remember if you leave teeth marks it is illegal.

@Mumoblue

When I was in college doing my first childcare course, biting came up as a discussion and the tutor asked the class if we could think of a good approach to a child who is biting? One girl said very confidently, “Bite them back!”

That was not the right answer. No, don’t bite your kids!

This shouldn't make me laugh but it did! Tutor must have been horrified 🤣. Irl if I had tried every trick in the book then I would give it a go! My professional head would be asking What's their language like? What are the triggers? And working from there.

Ah, the abusers are out in force in this thread.

It's not fucking okay to bite a child wtf.

It doesn't 'work' any differently to smacking or otherwise hurting your child for bad behaviour
But the majority of posters here have clearly said that it does work.

Personally, I don't agree with it. It's not demonstrating the behaviour you want to see from them - it's punishing them for something they don't really understand. I put it in the same camp as smacking. Sure, it might work, but I couldn't bring myself to use violence towards a 2 year old as a way of changing their behaviour.

Well they would say that, wouldn’t they? They’re unlikely to say yes I bit my child but it made no difference. And as someone who’s used separation and supervision, that also worked very well.

One of mine started biting at preschool (so old enough to reason with a bit). Talking and time out didn't stymie it so as a measure of last resort when I got her home I explained that as she had bitten someone her teeth were dirty and needed to be cleaned with soap. I ran a hotel bar of soap over her teeth - the resultant temper tantrum was not pretty but she didn't do it again. I hated doing it but it was rather less extreme than biting her.

Thank you all for suggestions so far. To answer a few questions. Biter never bites when we are out or at playgroup. He only bites his twin and older sibling.
We have tried teething rings, dummies etc. I like the idea of using toys to role play how biting hurts. Also mustard might help.

However, sheer number of people saying biting works is making me doubt myself.
He is biting 2-6 times a day and usually in the same area. I attach a picture of the bitten twins arm. The repeated bites in the same area are causing bruising. I feel so useless.

Don’t bite your child
And get a new childminder!!!

Just to clarify my childminder hasn’t bitten my son. She asked my permission to bite him and I said no. She only looks after my boys so no other children are involved.

I use to go and visit a friend years ago,and she had a daughter of 2 years old then, she was always biting and smacking other toddlers in the face, and to adults too.. She tried to bite my face at one time, so I just got hold of her hand, and said, if you bite me I will bite you too,and it will hurt, she was very understanding of lots of words and talking well, She then said, I don't like hurt, and her Mum told me later, that she never tried to bite or smack anyone again.

I always think the punishment should fit the crime - sometimes even as adults we don't realise how our actions affect someone else until it is done to us so whilst l am not suggesting you sink your teeth in and break the biter's skin, a little nip might help the penny drop so yes l would do it

If your childminder is asking to bite your child I would remove them and report them. Outside of being utterly unprofessional they obviously have no idea about child development. How can they possibly safeguard children when they think it’s appropriate to bite them themselves.

You 100000% need to remove your kids from that childminder.

Ouch! Poor little love. If it's in the same area all the time, I might rub some lemon juice or something on their arm (as long as it's not an open cut!!) so it tastes bitter. I can see why you're looking for other ideas though, it looks very sore.

The childminder is way out of line

@Charmtaste

Just to clarify my childminder hasn’t bitten my son. She asked my permission to bite him and I said no. She only looks after my boys so no other children are involved.

I would ignore the nonsense from some pear-clutching posters who never had to deal with the issue

BUT the child minder shouldn't be asking for your permission, it's something that is dealt with by the PARENT, totally out of order for her to consider it.
(if she considers them as her own in a way it's sweet, but still, bit no)

Please look at Big Little Feeings on insta
www.instagram.com/p/CRB91RissAx/?utm_medium=copy_link

Punishment based discipline does not work long term and is an antiquated view.

Biting back seems very old school 90s parenting. When I worked with severely
autistic pubescent boys we were trained to push against the bite rather then pull away.

@onlyhereforthecake

Ernmmmmm...no experience? My child has been bitten at nursery, very badly (left an open wound on his back) by a serial biter.

I was horrified but STILL wouldn’t have wanted him bitten in retaliation by any grown adult, let alone someone I was paying as a professional.

I suspect ofsted would be clutching their pearls all the way to the childminders front door if they knew.

Silly woman.