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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not bite my child?

329 replies

Charmtaste · 14/07/2021 12:43

I have twins who have just turned 2. One bites the other constantly. There does not seem to be any malice involved, they will be playing nicely and then one bites. Unfortunately the bitten twin is often covered in nasty bites. He is becoming quite traumatised by it all. I give the bitten twin a lot of attention when he is bitten and ignore the biter. When I have tried to discipline the biter, through time out or shouting he just laughs.

I have asked my HV for advice and she said the biter would grow out of it.
The pharmacist suggested keeping the bitten twin topless and slathered in sudocrem so that he tastes bad to the biter!

Everyone else, my mum, MIL, playgroup ladies, childminder etc says I should bite the biter every time. I just can't bring myself to bite my child. It seems barbaric but on the other hand the bitten twin is in pain.

YANBU: Do not bite your toddler
YABU: Bite your toddler

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 14/07/2021 13:34

I’m a twin and apparently Mum did this with us - we wouldn’t stop biting each other either. It worked! Being spanked never stopped us hitting each other, though.

DD went through a phase of biting newborn DS when she was 2. I did try biting her but I didn’t do it at all hard and it didn’t work. I presume it has to be hard enough to hurt to work - my attempt wasn’t. We did lots of “bad girl! No!” and pushing her away while cuddling the baby and making a fuss of him. It stopped gradually.

Faranth · 14/07/2021 13:38

I wonder if it's because kids either bite or they don't?

As in, if a child shoves / hits / throws something at another child, the chances are the victim will respond in kind.

But being bitten seems to be different for some reason, I've never seen a child bite and the victim immediately bite back.

If it's a sensory thing and biting feels nice somehow, so they don't realise it's so nasty for the person being bitten then that makes sense. But then, I'm not sure kids that young are capable of understanding other people are seperate and have feelings?!

I am pretty appalled.a childminder has suggested it though, I missed that! I was imagining DPs / DGPs!

SirenSays · 14/07/2021 13:39

I was talking to a gorgeous guy online who told me he was looking after his sisters puppy for the day. He said she was cute but hates him as she kept biting him.
I very jokingly replied something like Little gnasher, bite her back 😂😂
He quickly responded, I already have but it didn't stop her 😞

ConsuelaHammock · 14/07/2021 13:41

I think the” biting them advice “ works but obviously it’s not something you would want to do. I have never heard of it not working.
It works because it bloody hurts. Children aren’t stupid. Actions have consequences and they don’t want it to happen again.
As a last resort, I’d do it.

anon12345678901 · 14/07/2021 13:42

@copernicium

I don't get this logic. Does it not teach the child that biting is ok?
No, it teaches the child that biting causes pain, which is why it works in most cases.
fuckingsickofcovid · 14/07/2021 13:43

I don't think I could bring myself too. Hopefully biter will grow out of it. Or maybe bitee will bite back themselves at some point!

LizzieW1969 · 14/07/2021 13:44

@saraclara

I agree with you. I was actually fortunate in that my two only ever bit each other! (Unpleasant but at least I didn’t have to worry about the reactions of other people.)

But my DSis had it harder with one of my DNephews, who really was a biter. He bit my two DDs. But I knew what a hard time she was having with him, so I didn’t ever want to make her feel worse! But she had complaints from other parents to deal with as well.

He grew out of it without her biting him, though!

TalkingOutYerArse · 14/07/2021 13:44

@copernicium

I don't get this logic. Does it not teach the child that biting is ok?
Guessing it teaches them that it hurts!
Kanaloa · 14/07/2021 13:45

It doesn’t teach a child anything. If they are developmentally advanced enough to understand cause and effect, then it can be explained to them. If not, prevention is the key, along with moving the child away and minimising opportunity to bite.

I honestly can’t believe anyone is advocating biting a two year old. Why would you think this is appropriate parenting at all?

anon12345678901 · 14/07/2021 13:45

@GingerFoxInAT0phat

I wonder how truthful people are when they say their child didn’t bite again after the parent bit them. Do they say that validate themselves after biting a child?
Nope I didn't need to validate myself, my child never bit again after I gave him a small bite back. I'm glad I did get him to stop rather than allow another child to continually get bitten.
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 14/07/2021 13:45

Pick up the bitten child and walk away, no attention to the biter, turn your back on them and make a fuss of the bitten child. No explaining that it hurts etc unless they're older, it's such a great way to get attention from a whole room taking a chunk out your sibling Wink

Chachachawoo · 14/07/2021 13:46

I personally would try the idea of putting child into a cot and turning your back from them while you comfort the other twin.
Repeat the phrase: biting hurts and makes Chloe very sad. Or We do not bite etc

My daughter got her hair pulled by a child we saw often. When a grandparent of the child witnessed it and said -you need to pull his hair back, his father responded horrified: "I could never let my child suffer like that"
But it was fine for mine? I took a breath scooped her up said a fake polite goodbye and left. Hair pulling never happened again. He was an aggressive child and did hit and push. We left promptly every time. The hair puller was left bored bc he liked playing with my older child so he got the message that if you hurt you are left alone. It also embarrassed the parents into being more involved in their son's behaviour.

user1473878824 · 14/07/2021 13:47

@User5827372728

I stopped my hair puller by pulling his hair hard once!
Wtf
onlyhereforthecake · 14/07/2021 13:47

I personally would try the idea of putting child into a cot and turning your back from them while you comfort the other twin.

you've never had a bad sleeper I am taking?

Trying to make the connection between cot = punishment or time out is the worst thing you can do!

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 14/07/2021 13:48

@DocsOddSocks

I was a biter til my Mum bit me. I never did it again Smile
Same!

Apparently I was prolific, and used to draw blood 😳

My mum said she tried everything and would be so upset, and then one day she bit me back, and I never did it again!

Mayhemmumma · 14/07/2021 13:50

Good grief, you don't bite a child or hit a child or any other physical abuse to teach them a lesson. They will learn hurting others is acceptable when angry. Not to mention it is illegal to leave a mark on a child through chastisement.

You are right. Your health visitor is right, I'm sorry you are surrounded by idiots.

Jobsharenightmare · 14/07/2021 13:51

The thing that I have seen work is anticipate the bite and make the biter bite themselves. You have to be sat with them but if it happens as often as I say it won't take long!

Alconleigh · 14/07/2021 13:51

My mum also bit me to stop me biting. She said she felt horrendous as my face crumpled, but I never did it again. I don't remember it and we are very close so I don't think it's done any long term harm.

Tossblanket · 14/07/2021 13:51

Assaulting a toddler or child to teach them it's wrong to assault another.

Yeah real logic in that Confused

Here's food for thought, I attended exactly this sort of thing years ago after concerned neighbours called about a child screaming.

The father had followed this shit advice and bitten his toddler leaving a mark on a her arm, a 3 year old child ffs.

I took him into custody and he spent the night in a cell. Good.

So feel free to bash your kids and bite them but you may well find yourself getting banged up which quite honestly is what you'd deserve.

DartmoorDoughnut · 14/07/2021 13:52

I still remember in primary school when the headteacher bit one of the other girls - probably totally outing! - I was about 7 or 8 and this girl kept biting us all, she was in our class so same age, headteacher had enough so bit her back and asked her if she liked it Shock I mean she never did it again and it would’ve been 1989 ish but still!

SpindleWhorl · 14/07/2021 13:54

God almighty, biting tiny children to deliberately hurt them is barbaric.

Why anyone want to do that?!

EmeraldShamrock · 14/07/2021 13:56

It was the done thing many moons ago, my DM bit Dbro nearly 50 years ago it worked. I'm shocked people advise it today, I'd assume they were crazy.

onlyhereforthecake · 14/07/2021 13:57

@SpindleWhorl

God almighty, biting tiny children to deliberately hurt them is barbaric.

Why anyone want to do that?!

I think people are trying to STOP a child from biting others, not recommending to bite a random child to tough him up Hmm
Candlecandlesss · 14/07/2021 13:57

I can't believe people actually advocate biting their own 2 year old hard enough for it to hurt so they cry!

Conkergame · 14/07/2021 13:57

People on here are very precious but irl everyone I know who has had this issue has bitten their kid once and they’ve never done it again. It’s not cruel, it’s giving them a taste of their own medicine and showing them that if they physically hurt others then one day they are likely to get physically hurt themselves (eg if they hit the wrong kid in the playground and get hit back!)

Nobody is suggesting you draw blood! Just use enough pressure that they notice it and it gives them a bit of a shock .