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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite step child to Disneyworld next year?

999 replies

Ohanaa · 12/07/2021 09:00

We have 1 DSC (13) and 2 DC together. (7&10)

We go away most years on some sort of holiday... Weekend U.K. break, abroad, U.K. theme parks etc. We Always invite DSC but they have never wanted to be away from their mum or their mum has said no.

We are looking to book 3 weeks in Florida & universal for next year.

Aibu not to invite DSC this time? I can see her mum saying yes and then saying no at the last moment (she had done this once before).

I don’t want to waste money to be honest.

Dsc is already going to Orlando next year for 5 days with her mum & nan.

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 12/07/2021 10:08

If she really, genuinely would not want to be away from her mum for 3 weeks it is an option to give some of what you would have spent on her tickets etc to her mum so they can have a longer holiday.
I expect to get jumped on for even suggesting this option 🤣 but if I was in this situation I would offer it.

Guavafish · 12/07/2021 10:08

If there mother is unreliable then nope I won’t invite

Youseethethingis · 12/07/2021 10:09

You say you want to create memories for 'your kids' making it implicitly very clear that DS doesn't count as your kid. I think you need to examine that attitude
Why? If the DSD was OPs child, this thread wouldn't exist.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 12/07/2021 10:09

I don't think YABU considering past events. If she always went on hol with you i'd say of course, invite her. Doesn't sound like her mum will let her anyway. I wouldn't be wasting thousands because her mum says no. Plus, she's going anyway.

And ignore the idiotic comment about you having a "better holiday" as ify ou're only allowed to have worse in case you upset mummy. Jeeeez.

aSofaNearYou · 12/07/2021 10:10

@VettiyaIruken

If she really, genuinely would not want to be away from her mum for 3 weeks it is an option to give some of what you would have spent on her tickets etc to her mum so they can have a longer holiday. I expect to get jumped on for even suggesting this option 🤣 but if I was in this situation I would offer it.
I can see why you would expect to be jumped on. That's an absolutely ridiculous and illogical suggestion on so many levels.
Gooseberrypies · 12/07/2021 10:11

@Atalune

You have to invite.

Take out extra insurance to cover the loss or ask mum to stump up deposit which you will repay on arrival at Disney.

I think it sends a really horrible exclusive message to the child. Don’t do it. Sad

What insurance covers mum changing her mind? Confused
Aaa456789 · 12/07/2021 10:12

I wouldn’t invite her. NM committee always think SC come first. She’s going with her mum why should you waste money. I would not be inviting her.

Viviennemary · 12/07/2021 10:12

Not if you think her Mum would cancel. And tell her why. Or you could ask her mum to pay.

Divineswirls · 12/07/2021 10:12

What's the point of her going twice ?!?

Divineswirls · 12/07/2021 10:13

No it's expensive and she's already going

LuaDipa · 12/07/2021 10:14

*Other issue (applicable to whether DC or DSC) is the age differences - a 13 year old’s wishes/wants for a Disney/Florida/Universal trip are usually very different to the wishes/wants of a 7 year old. Which would then probably mean splitting the group up to keep everyone happy.

As you say her mum is taking her to Florida so she isn’t ‘missing out’.*

No-one would leave a full sibling behind due to age differences.

Yabu op and to be honest I am wondering why dsd has been so reluctant to come along previously. Of course you should invite her, regardless of who is paying.

aSofaNearYou · 12/07/2021 10:14

Tbh in my first comment I didn't think much about the fact that she's going to the same place with her mum that year. That would make me a little more inclined to just not invite her, it does seem pretty daft to go to the same place twice in one year. Maybe sound out that you are also going there for three weeks next summer, and see how she responds. The mention of three weeks might put her right off at the first hurdle.

Bayleaf25 · 12/07/2021 10:14

Of course you have to invite her, at 13 (14 next year?) if her mum says no nearer the time she is old enough to discuss with her mum.

JE17 · 12/07/2021 10:15

I'm a stepchild. My DSM did exactly this. No explanation, just "we're going to Florida with DD, see you in 3 weeks". It felt awful.

Mrstamborineman · 12/07/2021 10:15

I don’t mind being the wicked witch here.
I wouldn’t take my dc to the Disney on the circumstances you describe. It is so unfair on schild but I wouldn’t want to spend money on a trip they were going on soon anyway.
Go somewhere else. Leave a few years. Your dc will be older and more able to cope with the long haul of it all. Traveling is tiring. Disneyland Paris is also fab.

Blossomtoes · 12/07/2021 10:15

@Aaa456789

I wouldn’t invite her. NM committee always think SC come first. She’s going with her mum why should you waste money. I would not be inviting her.
It’s not putting her first, it’s treating her equally.
roses2 · 12/07/2021 10:16

Invite her but don't book her ticket until the day before? It will cost a little more but better than loosing £££ in case she is pulled out last minute.

Gooseberrypies · 12/07/2021 10:16

@MissMissTorrance

Your 3 week jaunt certainly puts the mum's five day break away in the shadeHmm. If I was the mother I'd feel pretty peeved you were offering a better holiday tbh. I do think dsc needs to be included on the holiday though and I wouldn't stop her going if I was her mother and she wanted to.
This has to be a joke? So second wife and other kids can't go away on a nice holiday now in case first wife is pissed off that it's better than hers? Grin I wouldn't be changing my plans with my children because she couldn't be arsed to arrange or couldn't afford such a nice holiday.
Divineswirls · 12/07/2021 10:16

If you take her you will look like you're trying to out do her DM trip there by going for 3 weeks when they're only going for one.

It's a really bad and awkward timing choice.

If you do invite her it looks bad and yet if you don't you also look bad

Bibbidiboo · 12/07/2021 10:17

You have to ask her!!

If she agrees just hedge your bets pay for the things that must be bought early likes flights and accommodation now. Leave the theme park tickets to be picked up last minute (I know this may end up costing slightly more but that way you are covered)

Original poster
Ohanaa · 12/07/2021 10:17

@tallduckandhandsome tickets alone for one person and she’s classed as an adult are about 1k. That doesn’t include flights, bigger hotel room, bigger rental car so we have enough room in it.

We plan to book it all as a package.

OP posts:
user1477391263 · 12/07/2021 10:17

I would invite her but I would be giving her mother some extremely clear messaging about how mother and daughter have both got to absolutely and 100% commit to this. Any flakiness and her mum will be covering the full amount of any costs incurred as a result (and SD will never ever be invited to anything like this again). Last chance saloon.

Original poster
Ohanaa · 12/07/2021 10:18

@Divineswirls We don’t plan or base our holidays around what DSC mother picks to do that year. Her Orlando trip was actually meant to be this year but they have changed it.
We always plan to go when our children were approx this age now.

OP posts:
olidora63 · 12/07/2021 10:19

I would be wondering why she has been reluctant to go on holiday with you and her Father in the past. Do you normally get on well together?
Definitely think she should be invited with T and C explained clearly.

ArsenicNLace · 12/07/2021 10:19

@Aaa456789

I wouldn’t invite her. NM committee always think SC come first. She’s going with her mum why should you waste money. I would not be inviting her.
Totally agree.

I would also think it would be much cheaper to not invite and then add her nearer the time if it did cause a huge problem than booking now and and losing all the money. Insurance won't pay just because someone decides they don't want to go.

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