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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite step child to Disneyworld next year?

999 replies

Ohanaa · 12/07/2021 09:00

We have 1 DSC (13) and 2 DC together. (7&10)

We go away most years on some sort of holiday... Weekend U.K. break, abroad, U.K. theme parks etc. We Always invite DSC but they have never wanted to be away from their mum or their mum has said no.

We are looking to book 3 weeks in Florida & universal for next year.

Aibu not to invite DSC this time? I can see her mum saying yes and then saying no at the last moment (she had done this once before).

I don’t want to waste money to be honest.

Dsc is already going to Orlando next year for 5 days with her mum & nan.

OP posts:
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/07/2021 18:39

@Cheeseismymiddlename

We have 1 DSC (13).

No , you have 1 DSC . DH has 3 children . Hmm

Oh bore off
vivainsomnia · 13/07/2021 18:40

The op doesn’t want to be a hero, she just wants a normal life where she can book a bloody holiday in peace with DSD on the booking!
It's not about being a hero, it's about believing that your SM wants you to be party to the most amazing time of her and her kids life.

As said, if OP was truly certain that mum was going to pull her out, she would tell her SD that she is going but not book anything. Of course she won't because of course she is no certain that mum will pull her out hence why her OH should engage with her about it.

I’m 95% sure she won’t give us the money but it’s all on her then
that's all that matter to you it would seem, that the failure to take your SD falls on her. She can be blamed, and that then absolves you of everything. The fact that she might not have the money, not trust that you would pay it back, that's all irrelevant.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/07/2021 18:42

What's your solution then @vivainsomnia ?

Because basically mum can say no and be blameless but if op says no she's the devil incarnate.

aSofaNearYou · 13/07/2021 19:03

*It's not about being a hero, it's about believing that your SM wants you to be party to the most amazing time of her and her kids life.

As said, if OP was truly certain that mum was going to pull her out, she would tell her SD that she is going but not book anything. Of course she won't because of course she is no certain that mum will pull her out hence why her OH should engage with her about it.*

That's twisting things somewhat. She obviously thinks it's a likely possibility, and one she doesn't want to risk, but isn't going to want to take the risk of potentially really upsetting SD by lying to her about it being booked, only for it to not be. Why are you trying to paint it as a bad thing that she wouldn't do this?

TwinsAndTrifle · 13/07/2021 19:16

We have 1 DSC (13).

No , you have 1 DSC . DH has 3 children

Well aren't you lovely. Then OP can spend her money taking her children and her DH on a holiday with her inheritance. And stand corrected that she should have considered the DSC to be hers.

No?

TwinsAndTrifle · 13/07/2021 19:17

Because basically mum can say no and be blameless but if op says no she's the devil incarnate.

Louder, for those at the back.

TwinsAndTrifle · 13/07/2021 19:20

Anyway, OP has a solution. Where she reimburses the mother, immediately, when the child actually attends the trip. You know, the trip that OP is trying to involve her in.

And if the mother is genuine, this affects her zero.

Original poster
Ohanaa · 13/07/2021 19:32

@Cheeseismymiddlename

We have 1 DSC (13).

No , you have 1 DSC . DH has 3 children . Hmm

This is old news. Keep up.
OP posts:
daytriptovulcan · 13/07/2021 19:37

If you wanted calm impartial advice, you be certainly come to the wrong place OP

vivainsomnia · 13/07/2021 19:44

What's your solution then
To try before jumping to conclusions and deciding that it's pointless to invite the child.

Try to engage mum. Share as much info as to reassure her. Give suggested dates and ask if these would be ok. Ask whether she thinks SD would want to go. Explain the cost of it all and concerns about losing the deposit money.

Talk to SD, preferably her dad. Get him to find out how she really feels about going, how she would feel if she didn't go. Communicate concerns over the money.

At least, if you have really tried everything to make sure that the child's feelings are taken into consideration, and to get mum to appreciate the situation, you can decide that her not going is the best for everyone. As it stands, it really comes across that you are trying to find every possible reasons to convince yourself that it won't happen in any positive way and that it will everyone's fault but that of yourself/your OH.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/07/2021 19:53

@vivainsomnia

What's your solution then To try before jumping to conclusions and deciding that it's pointless to invite the child.

Try to engage mum. Share as much info as to reassure her. Give suggested dates and ask if these would be ok. Ask whether she thinks SD would want to go. Explain the cost of it all and concerns about losing the deposit money.

Talk to SD, preferably her dad. Get him to find out how she really feels about going, how she would feel if she didn't go. Communicate concerns over the money.

At least, if you have really tried everything to make sure that the child's feelings are taken into consideration, and to get mum to appreciate the situation, you can decide that her not going is the best for everyone. As it stands, it really comes across that you are trying to find every possible reasons to convince yourself that it won't happen in any positive way and that it will everyone's fault but that of yourself/your OH.

Op hasnt said they won't invite the child. Quite ye opposite.

Try and engage mum? Have you missed the op saying she's completely unreasonable?

You've got no idea clearly.

Original poster
Ohanaa · 13/07/2021 19:58

@vivainsomnia

What's your solution then To try before jumping to conclusions and deciding that it's pointless to invite the child.

Try to engage mum. Share as much info as to reassure her. Give suggested dates and ask if these would be ok. Ask whether she thinks SD would want to go. Explain the cost of it all and concerns about losing the deposit money.

Talk to SD, preferably her dad. Get him to find out how she really feels about going, how she would feel if she didn't go. Communicate concerns over the money.

At least, if you have really tried everything to make sure that the child's feelings are taken into consideration, and to get mum to appreciate the situation, you can decide that her not going is the best for everyone. As it stands, it really comes across that you are trying to find every possible reasons to convince yourself that it won't happen in any positive way and that it will everyone's fault but that of yourself/your OH.

The mum doesn’t care and won’t appreciate the situation. Over 10 years of her utter crap has taught us that.

We have found a solution that works for us. She stumps up for DSC to come and we will refund the minute the plane touches down in Florida. If that doesn’t work for her then tough basically. The ball will be in her court.

OP posts:
TwinsAndTrifle · 13/07/2021 19:59

Well done for putting an end to this continuing behaviour OP. There are other children who get affected by this, and you're doing your best Flowers

Itsorts · 13/07/2021 20:10

The step parenting board has to be the most useless on mumsnet because of the abject lack of objectivity from some mothers of the older children from a man’s first family. Some of the comments are absurd. I say this as a first wife with my son now having both a step and a half brother. The bitterness is palpable.

Hppymum123 · 13/07/2021 20:20

I actually think that’s pretty cruel as if DM says no, she is then the bad guy, but what if she cannot afford that? If you know she’s super rich and money is no object that’s different but if I were put in that situation I would have to say no unfortunately as I simply don’t have the money

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/07/2021 20:21

@Hppymum123

I actually think that’s pretty cruel as if DM says no, she is then the bad guy, but what if she cannot afford that? If you know she’s super rich and money is no object that’s different but if I were put in that situation I would have to say no unfortunately as I simply don’t have the money
It's tough shit and a consequence of her being unreasonable. For any normal person it wouldn't matter because this wouldn't need to happen.
TwinsAndTrifle · 13/07/2021 20:21

The step parenting board has to be the most useless on mumsnet because of the abject lack of objectivity from some mothers of the older children from a man’s first family. Some of the comments are absurd. I say this as a first wife with my son now having both a step and a half brother. The bitterness is palpable.

Isn't it just! Thank you for saying this openly to OP, as you are so very right in saying some of the first wives club responses are absurd. It's the bitterness of their own situation being protected on to OP, absolutely.

She comes across as a really nice person, who's been subjected to enough already and supposed to just suck it up and let it continue. No. No she's not. She needs to hear that Flowers

Original poster
Ohanaa · 13/07/2021 20:24

@Hppymum123

I actually think that’s pretty cruel as if DM says no, she is then the bad guy, but what if she cannot afford that? If you know she’s super rich and money is no object that’s different but if I were put in that situation I would have to say no unfortunately as I simply don’t have the money
Her financial Situation isn’t my concern and she can beg, borrow or steal for all I care.

We will be telling her the plans this weekend then it’s all down to her. If she says no for any reason it’s on her.

OP posts:
Hppymum123 · 13/07/2021 20:25

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

But again, the child will suffer? So not really proving any point other than OP isn’t very nice. Also saying the mum is unreasonable because of 1 occasion is very unreasonable

Hppymum123 · 13/07/2021 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/07/2021 20:25

[quote Hppymum123]@Getyourarseofffthequattro

But again, the child will suffer? So not really proving any point other than OP isn’t very nice. Also saying the mum is unreasonable because of 1 occasion is very unreasonable[/quote]
The child suffer because of her mum's last behaviour. It shows her mum is not very nice, and op is sensible.

It's not been one occasion. Rtft. It's been ten years of issues.

Hppymum123 · 13/07/2021 20:26

@Getyourarseofffthequattro I’ve read the thread thank you and all I can see is a bitter second wife who is inconvenienced by her step child.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/07/2021 20:27

@Hppymum123

Wow 🤣 you really are a piece of work. POOR child
Whereas people who make comments like that on the internet to strangers seem so lovely in comparison Confused
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/07/2021 20:28

[quote Hppymum123]@Getyourarseofffthequattro I’ve read the thread thank you and all I can see is a bitter second wife who is inconvenienced by her step child.[/quote]
Maybe put your gigs on cos you've missed a bit.

Perhaps you're projecting.

She's not a second wife either, she's a first one. Must of missed that too. Oops.

Hppymum123 · 13/07/2021 20:29

@Getyourarseofffthequattro I’d argue a damn sight better than someone on the internet encouraging such vile behaviour towards a child

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