To not invite step child to Disneyworld next year?

[Ohanaa]

We have 1 DSC (13) and 2 DC together. (7&10)

We go away most years on some sort of holiday... Weekend U.K. break, abroad, U.K. theme parks etc. We Always invite DSC but they have never wanted to be away from their mum or their mum has said no.

We are looking to book 3 weeks in Florida & universal for next year.

Aibu not to invite DSC this time? I can see her mum saying yes and then saying no at the last moment (she had done this once before).

I don’t want to waste money to be honest.

Dsc is already going to Orlando next year for 5 days with her mum & nan.

*I am being awkward now to illustrate the point that not everything can always be exactly equal between kids with different parents

Exactamundo. Then add to this that none of this would be a problem if it wasn't thousands at stake, and the mother (who holds the real control over whether DSD goes) has form for causing this exact issue. But we don't talk about that The answer is DH spends more on the stepchild than the other equal children.

Give her a chance surely. Let her know she's an important member of her dad's family and that she means as much to him as his other children do.

Okay let's talk about the other children and being fair.

Unlike their half sibling (HS) they've never been to Florida nor are about to go on a second visit next year.

A visit shaped around exactly what they want to do. What parks they want to visit, what rides they want to go on (or not).

Is it fair that their first holiday to Florida is compromised because their HS doesn't want to do most of the things they do?

That they can't go on all the rides they want because otherwise it would mean that HS waiting around being bored or not going on the rides actually as a family because one adult always stays behind to do something different with HS?

That there's a very big risk that a child whose never been on holiday without her mum will get sad and homesick being away for 3 weeks and that will make them upset as well, so they don't enjoy the holiday?

I know!!! Another poster had this spot on...."you all go or non of you do" because "fairness" only seems to flow in one direction on threads like this.

The OP's children are just as entitled to have an amazing holiday as their HS.

It certainly isn't their fault that their HS's mother has proven to be difficult in the past or that their HS likes different things to them.

I've already said I think things would be different if DSD hadn't already been to Florida and would be going again next year.

All the children deserve a nice holiday and as stands all of them have the opportunity to have one, just not together.

Why do people keep calling her a ex wife. They were never in a actual relationship and didn’t live together. She wasn’t even a gf let alone a wife

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

The chanting of how wrong it is for him to holiday without all of his DC. But the absolute acceptance when the mother prevents it.

Well yeah what if mum never lets her go? Do his other kids never get a holiday?

Pretty much what others think

Why do people keep calling her a ex wife

Ahhhhhh, you must be new to the ex-wife-can-do-no-wrong on MN.

You could give DSD a kidney and they'd still call you selfish for not giving her both

Maybe you could save the money you would have used taking her, because you clearly don't want to take her, and put it by for the therapy she will need in future to unpick why her father treats her and her siblings differently.

@Kanaloa

As in, he should have done exactly the same as he would have if his daughter with op suddenly decided last minute she couldn’t be bothered and wanted to stay home. She is his daughter and his responsibility and if he is just standing by and letting her cancel then that’s his fault. Last time she cancelled she would have been presumably about the same age as op’s eldest - her behaviour being allowed is her parent’s fault, and her father is one of her parents.

And yet the father can’t force a child to take their passport from their mother and leave… against dm wishes.

If she’s anything like the ex my oh has, it’s as quick as a snap of a finger to manipulate or terrorise the dd into doing what she’s told

The other tactic is drip feed to change the child’s mind then the child really doesn’t want to go.

I can’t understand why so many women seem totally unable to understand just how manipulate other women are just coz…

We had this with my oh dd. We could ask her if she wanted to come, the answer is a resounding yes. Then the mother starts to try to tell us where we need to go, where we need to stay, how long to be away. She’s told us what tv to watch in the past. Then on the opportunity we DID have she was pestering the child, asking for secret photos of me/my child, then would torment her into believing she was having a terrible time to the point that dsd became unspeakably rude and a night and day change.

Wifi went off. ipods got taken away at night

But you can’t do that with mobiles when they are teens

So after the last time when she refused to come, And it was utterly awful experience and damaged everything really badly? To the Point that the child was being really tortured by the mother in the name of her dm weaponisation of her. No. No more holidays.

put it by for the therapy she will need in future to unpick why her father treats her and her siblings differently.

Do you mean the therapy to unpick why her mother obstructed her relationship with her father, which caused her to miss out on so much with him.

No. The mother can pay for what she's caused. For once.

@TwinsAndTrifle

put it by for the therapy she will need in future to unpick why her father treats her and her siblings differently.

Do you mean the therapy to unpick why her mother obstructed her relationship with her father, which caused her to miss out on so much with him.

No. The mother can pay for what she's caused. For once.

Abso bloody lutely

@DuchessDarty

The mother: Your father has booked a holiday in the lake district, but because it's my mum's birthday, I've decided that's more important that you having a holiday with your dad and your siblings.

You're being so unfair @TwinsAndTrifle
You seem to delight in having a go at ex wives and their children.

In this scenario the mother was NOT being unreasonable. The OP has admitted she and her DH booked the dates before checking with the SD's mother if the SD should go. So the SD already had plans - to celebrate her grandmother's birthday - before the OP asked. A classic MN response if asked would be to go with the plan you accepted first.

And this is a close relative. The SD is obviously close to her grandmother as they're going on holiday together next year with the SD's mother.

She’s only going with her mum as she doesn’t have a partner and no one else to go with.

She could go for a meal with her nan any day as she’s retired. We couldn’t do other dates due to work. Why don’t she show some willingness to change her plans for us for a change.

But she won’t and it seems we should always be the ones running around.

I think the mother of your stepchild is the problem here, not you. Have a chat with her about Disney and gauge her reaction. It sounds like her mum is spiteful and would enjoy disrupting your plans. Don’t let her!

[quote LizzieAnt]@TwinsAndTrifle
I don't think it's misleading to think your father doesn't want you there if he doesn't invite you.

Yes, it they are losing money repeatedly then it has to stop and DD/DSD is getting old enough now to discuss this. However the OP has only mentioned one occasion where this happened - three years ago at a loss of €150. (The more recent occasion was simply refused immediately owing to a prior engagement.)

Give her a chance surely. Let her know she's an important member of her dad's family and that she means as much to him as his other children do.[/quote]
Iv only spoke about one occasion but there has been other smaller instances we have been out of pocket. I can’t bring up 10 years worth of history in one thread.

@TwinsAndTrifle

Why do people keep calling her a ex wife

Ahhhhhh, you must be new to the ex-wife-can-do-no-wrong on MN.

You could give DSD a kidney and they'd still call you selfish for not giving her both

I am new. I was more of a lurker before though so I know how cut throat AIBU is

@TwinsAndTrifle

*I am being awkward now to illustrate the point that not everything can always be exactly equal between kids with different parents

Exactamundo. Then add to this that none of this would be a problem if it wasn't thousands at stake, and the mother (who holds the real control over whether DSD goes) has form for causing this exact issue. But we don't talk about that The answer is DH spends more on the stepchild than the other equal children.

How many times, it is not thousands at stake. A flight to Orlando does not cost thousands, tickets don’t cost thousands and in any case pretty easy to get a refundable ticket these days and the child will surely be sharing the accommodation with the rest of the family.

OP is just pretending that thousands is at stake in order to justify leaving her stepchild out.

So op is going to book accommodation for 5 instead of four, and pay more anyway? No she's not.

Of course it will be thousands. She'll pay per person and it won't be less than £999.

I think @Aprilx is pretending to prove her point.

@Aprilx have you ever been to Orlando ?
Flights easily £600 pp, OP has already stated that the park tickets cost circa £1k pp and are not refundable, if staying at a villa then an extra bedroom pushes things up a few hundred.
It's easily £2k minimum and I'd imagine OP would have more idea of actual cost than we would.

I think Iv come up with a solution.

Il just ask DSC mum to pay for DSC and if she comes we can give her back what she paid. If she doesn’t come then it’s only her out of pocket.

Seems perfect to me.

Holiday for 5 people costs north of £10k.
But the teenager somehow only costs a few hundred quid.
Ok then.

@Aprilx you are deluded on the price if you think it’s not thousands.

It’s 3 weeks! 12 parks + the space Kennedy centre which isn’t included on this price.
That’s nearly a grand on tickets like I said.

I mean if you can get me all these tickets cheaper then please let me know!

www.floridatix.com/orlando-ticket-deals-combos

12 parks £860 for 2022.

• space Kennedy.

That looks like nearly a grand to me PER ADULT.

Which DSC would be classed as due to her age.

@Ohanaa

I think Iv come up with a solution.

Il just ask DSC mum to pay for DSC and if she comes we can give her back what she paid. If she doesn’t come then it’s only her out of pocket.

Seems perfect to me.

Hallubloodyhullah

Could the DSC afford it though? Tbh I wouldn't ask her to pay for all of it up front given your DH should be paying for some of it, but at least half. Enough that it's not in her interests financially to back up.

Obviously you'll have to word why you're asking sensitively so as not to just put her back up so she says no unless that's your actual intention.

And put it in writing that you'll pay her back within x days of the holiday starting.

@DuchessDarty I think OP may be sarcastic about asking the DM to pay for the holiday.

Oh, I hope not. There I was pleased that for once she was thinking of a solution and not just using her AIBU as a way of moaning about the ex and her SD.

@DuchessDarty

Oh, I hope not. There I was pleased that for once she was thinking of a solution and not just using her AIBU as a way of moaning about the ex and her SD.

Sorry, why shouldn't she moan?

Are we not allowed to pull people up for being an arsehole because they are an ex?

Op, some of the comments here are batshit crazy.
There’s no way would I risk wasting thousands of pounds in someone who’s proved to be flakey.