To not invite step child to Disneyworld next year?

[Ohanaa]

We have 1 DSC (13) and 2 DC together. (7&10)

We go away most years on some sort of holiday... Weekend U.K. break, abroad, U.K. theme parks etc. We Always invite DSC but they have never wanted to be away from their mum or their mum has said no.

We are looking to book 3 weeks in Florida & universal for next year.

Aibu not to invite DSC this time? I can see her mum saying yes and then saying no at the last moment (she had done this once before).

I don’t want to waste money to be honest.

Dsc is already going to Orlando next year for 5 days with her mum & nan.

Good advice from @MzHz , talking to her seems the way to go. I like the "mmm we were also thinking of going to Orlando what do you think ? " and give her a chance to mull it over.
If she does come then maybe a villa and if she's 14 by then she doesn't need to come on every outing.

[quote Hppymum123]@Ohanaa so you accommodated her on that one? But you won’t for Disney world? Sounds like you just don’t want to spend the money on her, in that case I wouldn’t take anyone if I wasn’t willing to pay for all.[/quote]
Ummm yes because a log cabin in the U.K. which is costing £720 total is the same thing.

@Kanaloa

Realistically it’s a risk you take though. I can’t just leave my eldest son at home because he can be a moody so and so and he might ruin our holiday. I have to take that risk, and if he is moody then I parent him, find out what’s up, what can I do to help.

It’s not the same situation though to a step child.

There’s a lot of this making memories/rite of passage type of stuff on here at the moment. I think what people sometimes don’t take into account is that stepchildren aren’t getting in the way of your family, they are your family.

Husbands should be treating all their children equally, but so often it seems the stepchildren are an inconvenience to be tolerated, getting in the way of the new little family.

@IHaveBrilloHair

Is there any chance you could wait another year and start talking to her about it now?

It's all well and good for people to say she can't back out, but of course you can't make her, and if she's miserable none of you will have a good time.

If her, and her Mum have had a years notice before booking it will be much easier to gauge whether taking her will be something that she'll enjoy.

The trip will be next year. It was meant to be this year but covid... so it will be next year.

My eldest child is a stepchild, he’s my husbands stepchild. Yet my husband wouldn’t suggest we leave him at home and only take his own kids.

It makes a stressful time planning a trip even worse
I don't doubt it at all, but it will be much less stressful than dealing with an angry, upset, resentful teenager for months and years to come if you decide not to invite her.

If you really are so sure that she wouldn't enjoy it and want to come, why are you making such a fuss of asking her? Because you don't know for sure.

As for saying that your kids will love it because you know them. I knew mine too, loved their holidays, so came as a shock when the eldest, at about 10, ended up sulking the entire time of one of our best holiday. You can never predict how kids are going to react. Jet lag, heat, hormones, can make the loveliest pre-teen turn into a nightmare teenager.

It is the same situation for her father though.

OP - you dont want her there so you can play happy families and forget she exists - bottom line.

Only on mumsnet are there so many stepmums gifted monies that they want to treat their kids to, days out/ holidays that are iconic. No one I know in real life gets this on the regularity that appears here

Biggest drip feed - my monies, i dont want to treat SDC, her mum makes life difficult, guess what she is going to orlando for 5 days with mum - seriously how many 5 day holidays do you know - most are 7 or 14 days etc etc

You dont want there and dont care

@bogoffmda

It is the same situation for her father though.

OP - you dont want her there so you can play happy families and forget she exists - bottom line.

Only on mumsnet are there so many stepmums gifted monies that they want to treat their kids to, days out/ holidays that are iconic. No one I know in real life gets this on the regularity that appears here

Biggest drip feed - my monies, i dont want to treat SDC, her mum makes life difficult, guess what she is going to orlando for 5 days with mum - seriously how many 5 day holidays do you know - most are 7 or 14 days etc etc

You dont want there and dont care

A family member of mine died. I was given the money because she was on deaths door and she knew it was soon.

And it’s the first time in my life Iv ever been given money by a family member so you can do one with your comment about ‘only on mumsnet stepparents are gifted money’.

Ridiculous.

Equalising opportunity - the ultimate piss take answer in a blended family to exclude someone

@Kanaloa

Realistically it’s a risk you take though. I can’t just leave my eldest son at home because he can be a moody so and so and he might ruin our holiday. I have to take that risk, and if he is moody then I parent him, find out what’s up, what can I do to help.

Yup, and given the previous from the DM, you can bet that “parenting” is only allowed if done by the DM…

Its not the same situation though to a step child.

You don’t appear to understand that this is your husbands biological child. Even in your first post you say “we” have a stepchild.

Do you have more than one child? If you actually do, or if not hypothetically, would you really take some of your children to Disneyland and leave one of them behind (whilst they are still of child age).

You pose this as if it is a question, but from your updates you are clearly hell bent that your stepchild is not coming to Disney.

Oh Christ alive, are step
Mums not allowed to be gifted money now.

Do these people actually hear themselves?

OP - you dont want her there so you can play happy families and forget she exists - bottom line.

I don’t know why you think this at all. Projecting?

Only on mumsnet are there so many stepmums gifted monies that they want to treat their kids to, days out/ holidays that are iconic. No one I know in real life gets this on the regularity that appears here

Many many many people are gifted money. Stepmums included. Why is that so hard to believe? People always post threads on here regarding inheritance and what’s fair regarding how it’s spent etc… It’s just that when a stepmum is gifted money issues surrounding the stepchildren crop up, and in this case the OP is worried about wasting a chunk of her money on dsd’s non attendance on this holiday.

Biggest drip feed - my monies, i dont want to treat SDC, her mum makes life difficult, guess what she is going to orlando for 5 days with mum - seriously how many 5 day holidays do you know - most are 7 or 14 days etc etc

If OP was lying she would say something 14 days and exaggerate the truth. 5 days is far too specific for it to be untrue.

You dont want there and dont care

Actually I think she does want her there. It’s the wasting money issue that’s bothering her and I can’t blame her!

But how can I make her pay up?

I haven't read every post so don't know if something like this has been suggested. Also not certain it will work, it's just an idea, I'm not a lawyer. Here goes...

Invite her. Explain to her and her mother the cost and that if you book for her, she must go. Then ask the mother to sign a contract saying that if she does not go, the mother agrees for the cost to be refunded by deductions from future maintenance payments. If the mother refuses to sign, she's the one who has blocked her daughter from a nice holiday. If she signs, the contract should create a legitimate debt that you can legally deduct from maintenance.

It does sound ridiculous, reading it back, not sure I'd do it myself. But I don't have any better ideas.

@Aprilx

Its not the same situation though to a step child.

You don’t appear to understand that this is your husbands biological child. Even in your first post you say “we” have a stepchild.

Do you have more than one child? If you actually do, or if not hypothetically, would you really take some of your children to Disneyland and leave one of them behind (whilst they are still of child age).

You pose this as if it is a question, but from your updates you are clearly hell bent that your stepchild is not coming to Disney.

I clearly stated in my opening post I have 2 biological children of my own with my OH.

@RandomLondoner

But how can I make her pay up?

I haven't read every post so don't know if something like this has been suggested. Also not certain it will work, it's just an idea, I'm not a lawyer. Here goes...

Invite her. Explain to her and her mother the cost and that if you book for her, she must go. Then ask the mother to sign a contract saying that if she does not go, the mother agrees for the cost to be refunded by deductions from future maintenance payments. If the mother refuses to sign, she's the one who has blocked her daughter from a nice holiday. If she signs, the contract should create a legitimate debt that you can legally deduct from maintenance.

It does sound ridiculous, reading it back, not sure I'd do it myself. But I don't have any better ideas.

This is a good idea. I’m pretty unsure she would sign it though but i will mention it to my OH.

Judge Rinder here I come

^ I meant I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t sign it.

Oh Christ alive, are step
Mums not allowed to be gifted money now.

Crazy isn’t it how a stepmum might have a large sum of money lying around that she is control of? The world might end.

@RandomLondoner personally I think asking a teen if they really want to go on a trip and then not taking them if they don't , is less likely to lead to parental alienation than forcing the other parent to sign an agreement to underwrite the costs if she doesn't come and then cutting maintenance if that happens.

But that's just me.

@funinthesun19

Oh Christ alive, are step Mums not allowed to be gifted money now.

Crazy isn’t it how a stepmum might have a large sum of money lying around that she is control of? The world might end.

It’s crazy isn’t it.

Apparently now my only role is step mum, not mum, wife, daughter, niece, auntie or even just a women.

I wonder if one of those is allowed to be gifted money.

Why ask if you're being unreasonable when you've already made up your mind?

[quote rookiemere]@RandomLondoner personally I think asking a teen if they really want to go on a trip and then not taking them if they don't , is less likely to lead to parental alienation than forcing the other parent to sign an agreement to underwrite the costs if she doesn't come and then cutting maintenance if that happens.

But that's just me.
[/quote]
She would never ever sign it.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

Why ask if you're being unreasonable when you've already made up your mind?

I already said I’m going to mention Disney to my DSC and see what her reaction is in general.

@Ohanaa and who would blame her it's crazy idea.