To think my neighbour is an inconsiderate prick!

[EpsomQ]

Hi. Just a bit of background. Me and my dh had to sell our first home a few years back when dh was unexpectedly made redundant. He found another job eventually and we managed to get out of debt (completely) that we accumulated whist dh was out of work. We weren’t able to get back on to the property ladder so we moved into a lovely private rented house with our 2dc. We’d have happily stayed there as it was a nice albeit small house with lovely neighbours however our landlord had to sell due to her divorce.

After waiting around 3 months and being on the verge of homelessness the council offered us a house. We were so relieved and happy especially since the house didn’t need a lot of work doing to it and it was in walking distance to both of our dd’s schools. We got to work decorating carpeting etc and we made it into a lovely home. The street itself is actually very pretty visually not what you’d usually expect of a council estate. It has lots of greenery a place for kids to play and a community allotment. The neighbours surrounding us on the whole are lovely and the older kids who play out seem well behaved. So you can understand my disappointment considering all this that our only neighbour attached to us is a bloody nightmare.

He spends all day smoking weed to the point we have to keep our windows closed even in the warm weather as I started to lose count of how many times I walked into my living room and smelled it. My 13 year old daughter’s room is next to his and at night she can’t keep her window open as he smokes weed in his room. He usually smoke
It in the back garden and it wafts into our garden but the last few days I’ve come home from work to find him stood on his front door step puffing away as casual as anything. AIBU to think he is an arrogant hard faced prick? I’m currently trying to decide how best to handle it as I’m not sure. Dh said he will go and speak to him but we have no idea how he will react. The other option is phoning the police but I don’t know what they would do. The guy is around
19/20 lives with his mum and dad who clearly don’t mind him smoking it. The mum and dad also have a daughter who is I’d say around 11/12 years old. What would you do in my situation? Fwiw I know there are more serious things to worry about but the smell of weed makes me feel sick and my teenage daughter feels the same.

I am also bemused at some of the opinions on here. The other week there was a thread about whether someone should report a (presumed) GP to a nursery/police/social services because they were smoking (a cigarette, which is legal) in the car while waiting for DC to come out of nursery.

There are countless threads about GP/DP/friends smoking who are told they should wait 20 minutes/wash hands/brush teeth and change clothes before being near DC. And yet everyone would be OK with this? This place is crazy!

You have my sympathies OP. As someone whose former NDN-but-one smoked the stuff all the time, I completely understand about the all-pervading smell. I can't actually think of anything else that lingers so long and so strongly.

I don't care whether people smoke weed or not, and I actually quite like the smell but I wouldn't want my whole house to stink of it.

@EpsomQ

I smoke cigarettes and I don’t need people to come and tell me it’s annoying to know it probably does annoy some. So I smoke in my shed with the door closed. I’m only a light smoker around 3 a day but still it doesn’t take much effort to go and sit in my shed so not to annoy other people.

quite honestly the smell of cigarettes is much more unpleasant imo than the smell of weed, although id rather not have to smell either. You could complain to the police I guess, but i think that would be a bit of a dick move as its been practically decriminalised in plenty of places now

@ChrissyPlummer

I am also bemused at some of the opinions on here. The other week there was a thread about whether someone should report a (presumed) GP to a nursery/police/social services because they were smoking (a cigarette, which is legal) in the car while waiting for DC to come out of nursery.

There are countless threads about GP/DP/friends smoking who are told they should wait 20 minutes/wash hands/brush teeth and change clothes before being near DC. And yet everyone would be OK with this? This place is crazy!

are you trying to tell me that different people have different opinions on stuff??

@ChrissyPlummer

I am also bemused at some of the opinions on here. The other week there was a thread about whether someone should report a (presumed) GP to a nursery/police/social services because they were smoking (a cigarette, which is legal) in the car while waiting for DC to come out of nursery.

There are countless threads about GP/DP/friends smoking who are told they should wait 20 minutes/wash hands/brush teeth and change clothes before being near DC. And yet everyone would be OK with this? This place is crazy!

Oh, I don't care about people smoking cigarettes, either.

I think you just need to tell him that his smoke is pervading your house and affecting your dd's breathing and you're thinking of getting a gp appointment for her.

A PAX vape helps a lot with the smell of cannabis. PAX vapes and other good quality vapes specifically for weed don’t completely hide the smell but do help. They were designed for discreet public weed smoking.
Plus he’d just be smoking weed not tobacco so not getting the nasties from tobacco - a plus for his health and it’s a better high. A PAX and his own shed - sorted.

I think it would be good too if your husband had a quiet word - there are many reasons why he maybe smoking weed.

im pretty sure the 20 mins and washing after smoking is about newborn babies.

I dont remember the thread about the person smoking in the car outside nursery, but id be amazed if the majority of posters didnt say that was batshit

You know, there is every chance that he simply hasn't realised that the smell reaches your home when he smokes.

You really don't have that many options if you don't want to leave the house. You can report him for drug use but I really cannot imagine that they will pour many resources into this. Maybe they will knock on his door once to talk to him, which is just enough to annoy him and make him want to piss you off even more. Or you can try to talk to him about it. It might yield results but, if it doesn't, I think you're out of options and will have to wait it out.

Breathing in second hand smoke is really bad for your health, that's why smoking inside is banned in public places. Google breathing in second hand smoke from weed and there are a long list of pages telling you the dangers of it and how bad it is for your health. I feel terrible for the poor 11 year old girl having to live with it and as for the poster who suggested she might like the smell......

It's also horrible for you OP but seems to be a big problem these days and I don't know what the answer is. People often don't give a shit about how they're impacting others. Could you politely ask him If he would mind smoking as far away from your house as possible as the smell is affecting your daughter? You never know he might oblige if you're really polite - he might be a dick but you don't know if you don't try.

It sounds like OP thinks this is a class issue tbh.

op - can you put up with a little radio 2? when he starts puffing go hanging out your washing & start singing along with a nice ear worm - like I got a new combined harvester?
Or
you need to start a new liquid manure pile - ahem you need old fashioned rubbish bin with good lid (important!) you half fill with water & place some of your weeds in it & let them ferment for a few weeks (preferably in hot weather) than when he starts smoking you take off lid & gently replace when he goes in- the liquid manure is great for tomatoes as well

Why are people talking about the second hand smoke?

OPs issue is with the smell, not the smoke. The smoke is not permeating her house; the smell apparently is.

Maybe the house should be built of the same materials of the OPs smoking shed, since obviously the smell coming from their doesn't effect anyone.

@EpsomQ

Well of course someone smoking weed wouldn’t bother you if you have previously dealt with all of that. But I haven’t had to deal with all of that so it bothers me. I can’t help that our circumstances and tolerance levels are somewhat different.

Nobody's saying you shouldn't be bothered about it. It just seems odd that - as it does bother you (& that's not unreasonable, btw) - you spent longer carping about it on here than it would have taken you to pop next door & have a calm, polite chat about it.

It's only your own bigotry that's stopping you. All those unfair comments & assumptions you have made have done nothing except convince you that you - a grown woman - are too scared/spoiled/snobby to have a chat with a neighbour about something that's affecting your own child ffs.

I like to think that I’m respectful f other people

Did you manage to type that with a straight face OP?

You have been calling a neighbour who you have not even had the courtesy to exchange pleasantries with, let alone find out how a reasonable request might be received - some pretty disrespectful names ... all based on assumption, ignorance & hearsay.
Like your "impression" that he "isn't a nice guy"
is "a nightmare",
has "audacity"
is "an arrogant hard-faced prick"
& that you reckon you know "the sort of person he is".

All that speculation, just to wind yourself up, instead of doing the respectful thing of introducing yourself, like a normal adult.

@EpsomQ

It’s easy to say just leave it when it’s not you having to deal with it every day. I just can’t get over the cheek of him. Plus the fact there is a child who lives in their house. Is that ok?

You’re asking for advice and that’s what people are giving you. Either ignore or just have a polite word to let him know when he smokes in his room it’s wafting into your child’s bedroom too

@Branleuse

im pretty sure the 20 mins and washing after smoking is about newborn babies.

I dont remember the thread about the person smoking in the car outside nursery, but id be amazed if the majority of posters didnt say that was batshit

Yes the responses were in the main that there was nothing that could be done as the child wasn’t in the car at the time. There were a fair few who said they wouldn’t be happy with it though and disagreed that they should be allowed to do it.

My neighbour used to smoke outside and it used to drift into my living room due to the layout of the flats, he was smoking outside my living room window which meant I couldn’t have the window open. I asked him to go elsewhere as I wasn’t prepared to have the agent inspect the place and then having to pay a cleaning fee or lose my deposit due to the smell of smoke when neither my flatmate or I smoked. I also said that I thought he had a cheek smoking away from his OWN place but affecting mine. FWIW we both rented and both had no smoking clauses in our contracts.

Your OP is SO snobbish. Seriously, it's like tell me you look down on council housing and council tenants without telling me you look down on council housing and council tenants.

My neighbour's sons both used to smoke weed in the garden and thought they were pushing the butts into a hole in between the fences but they kept ending up in our garden instead. I got sick of picking them up and worried about DC putting one in his mouth so had a word with the lads. They had no idea, were very apologetic and I've not seen a single butt since.
Never occurred to me to get stressed about the actual smoke though, it was outside, not doing any harm. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@SecretRedhead

Your OP is SO snobbish. Seriously, it's like tell me you look down on council housing and council tenants without telling me you look down on council housing and council tenants.

I agree. Despite being a council house tenant herself, the OP took great pains to tell us that she was previously a home owner and private renter, and only due to circumstances beyond her control, has ended up on a council estate, living next door to undesirables.

It's quite funny. I'm secretly hoping the OP's own DC end up smoking weed and getting reported to the rozzers in due time, by the now grown up NDN, who gave up smoking eons ago.

Don't forget, the OP has a bigger shed than those council folk next door too! 😉

It's a tolerated substance. A nuisance but unlikely to get a police response, though some people have had some luck with reporting. I am sorry your daughter is being affected by the smell, that's not on. I would suggest dh goes in very friendly and low key and be clear about what you want eg not smoke under her window. Neighbour disputes are not worth the hassle - take it from pps who have learnt from experience - its a lot easier to change how much it annoys you than it is to change your neighbours (never going to happen). No point saying that you would never be so anti social, they are not you and they are doing it, so where does that get you? Fwiw I used to wonder how soon my dds would realise what the smell was when their teachers' husband (also a teacher) was smoking weed outside regularly. She tactically decided to move!

If that's all you have to worry about with neighbours consider yourself lucky. YABU and is it really worse than cigarette smoke? And if you report it you may end up with a problem on your hands, I doubt your neighbours will appreciate you reporting something so minor and nothing will be done about it anyway, its a bit of weed fgs, it would be worse living next door to a bunch of drunks.

Get windchimes

@EpsomQ

I haven’t spoke to him as of yet as I’m a little nervous about the reaction I would get. If he smokes weed openly on his door step bold as brass I can hardly expect him to be a reasonable person can I.

Yeah hi, so I’m a semi regular weed smoker with a job, a mortgage and I generally consider myself to be fairly reasonable. Weed smoking in itself isn’t indicative of being an unreasonable, antisocial oik.