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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour is an inconsiderate prick!

160 replies

EpsomQ · 11/07/2021 14:31

Hi. Just a bit of background. Me and my dh had to sell our first home a few years back when dh was unexpectedly made redundant. He found another job eventually and we managed to get out of debt (completely) that we accumulated whist dh was out of work. We weren’t able to get back on to the property ladder so we moved into a lovely private rented house with our 2dc. We’d have happily stayed there as it was a nice albeit small house with lovely neighbours however our landlord had to sell due to her divorce.

After waiting around 3 months and being on the verge of homelessness the council offered us a house. We were so relieved and happy especially since the house didn’t need a lot of work doing to it and it was in walking distance to both of our dd’s schools. We got to work decorating carpeting etc and we made it into a lovely home. The street itself is actually very pretty visually not what you’d usually expect of a council estate. It has lots of greenery a place for kids to play and a community allotment. The neighbours surrounding us on the whole are lovely and the older kids who play out seem well behaved. So you can understand my disappointment considering all this that our only neighbour attached to us is a bloody nightmare.

He spends all day smoking weed to the point we have to keep our windows closed even in the warm weather as I started to lose count of how many times I walked into my living room and smelled it. My 13 year old daughter’s room is next to his and at night she can’t keep her window open as he smokes weed in his room. He usually smoke
It in the back garden and it wafts into our garden but the last few days I’ve come home from work to find him stood on his front door step puffing away as casual as anything. AIBU to think he is an arrogant hard faced prick? I’m currently trying to decide how best to handle it as I’m not sure. Dh said he will go and speak to him but we have no idea how he will react. The other option is phoning the police but I don’t know what they would do. The guy is around
19/20 lives with his mum and dad who clearly don’t mind him smoking it. The mum and dad also have a daughter who is I’d say around 11/12 years old. What would you do in my situation? Fwiw I know there are more serious things to worry about but the smell of weed makes me feel sick and my teenage daughter feels the same.

OP posts:
HoldYourBreath · 11/07/2021 17:24

Can't have any comforts *

DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange · 11/07/2021 17:24

Everyone does things that annoy their neighbours, no after how saintly they might consider themselves. Most people will speak to their neighbours if they find it irritating enough and then you can work together to find a solution. You need to start by doing that.

EverythingWillFallInLine · 11/07/2021 17:25

Op you've done this thread all wrong.

If you'd told us you were in a lovely family friendly street living in an owner occupied property no cunt would be telling you to move to a private rental or sell your fan. And they wouldn't be telling you you're lucky either.

I'd speak to the council. They won't tell him it was you. If he's blatantly toking in full view of you/your dd he's not going to stop because you've had a word with him.

Oh and if he drives, shop him for DUI. That'll focus his tiny stoner mind.

Original poster
EpsomQ · 11/07/2021 17:25

I was simply making you aware that aside from the one neighbour it’s lovely around here and again aside from the inconsiderate young man we were happy here.

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 11/07/2021 17:27

@EpsomQ

I’m not calling you a liar I’m just shocked that you are fine with weed wafting into your child’s room. My dd is no princess but she is a decent kid she knows right from wrong and she gets annoyed not being able to have her window open because of our inconsiderate neighbour.
Oh, yes, it's definitely because mine is just not a decent kid then Hmm. How condescending AF! Mine has had bigger fish to fry in her young life than to whinge and moan about the bloody neighbour smoking weed. Her sister died when she was 6, her brother has violent autism and we lost everything when her sister fell ill, had to start over again and have had serious nightmare neighbours in the past.
osbertthesyrianhamster · 11/07/2021 17:29

I'd speak to the council. They won't tell him it was you.

Because no one in his house is going to be able to guess who it was Hmm. If he lives with the parents, he's also not the tenant.

But yeah, go ahead, pester the council and everyone else. That'll get them onside.

EverythingWillFallInLine · 11/07/2021 17:29

Yes I get that but now every cunt's focused on "free housing" [I know, I know it isn't but that's what mumsnet thinks] instead of "dickhead loser bloke".

Original poster
EpsomQ · 11/07/2021 17:31

I never said your dc wasn’t decent and I’m sorry if assumed that’s what I was implying. I guess it is all about perspective and I get if you’ve had bigger things to worry about then my problem won’t be anything huge to you. But the point is it is to me and my family.

OP posts:
Takingaleap · 11/07/2021 17:31

Is it illegal to smoke inside your home? I don't think so. Do you have same landlords with them? You can report to the landlord then and take it from there.

EverythingWillFallInLine · 11/07/2021 17:32

It's illegal to smoke weed anywhere in the UK ffs.

ChargingBuck · 11/07/2021 17:33

@EpsomQ

I haven’t spoken to him you’re right. But the impression I get from the neighbours who have lived here for a long time is that he isn’t a nice guy and his mum and dad aren’t any better.
Christ no wonder you have communication issues. You've made a hell of a lot of assumptions about this lad, based on nothing more than your own rather judgemental nature.

& instead of approaching him as one human to another, you'd rather write a dog-whistle post on MN about your "impression" that he "isn't a nice guy", is "a nightmare", has "audacity", is "an arrogant hard-faced prick" & that you - without so much as giving him the time of day - have decided that you know "the sort of person he is".

Woman up - talk to him.
Be as pleasant & respectful as you would wish him to be toward you, & politely ask if he would please do you a big favour & not smoke directly near your house.

You might be pleasantly surprised by his response.

ChargingBuck · 11/07/2021 17:34

I could do that yes but my point is I shouldn’t have to.

Then your point is serving nobody, least of all you.

Original poster
EpsomQ · 11/07/2021 17:34

Yes it is. Up to 5 years in prison for possession and up to 14 years for supplying.

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 11/07/2021 17:34

Right, yeah, go pester the police then. Hmm

HoldYourBreath · 11/07/2021 17:35

"It's illegal to smoke weed anywhere in the UK ffs"

This.

EmeraldShamrock · 11/07/2021 17:35

Ask him to move away from your property and report to the council.
I'd ask him first or speak to his DM before making an official complaint.

Dogvmarmot · 11/07/2021 17:36

its legal where i am at the moment. Mostly now used by boomers! condos usually have strict rules about no smoking in the condos due to the strong smell. Why not just wander over and tell him you find the scent really unpleasant and would he be able to just smoke in..... wherever it is the least strong for you.. his parents should be worried about the amount he is smoking.. it needs to be legal so he can have it as jelly babies.....

Nohomemadecandles · 11/07/2021 17:37

Bit Hmm about posters fighting to the death that it's OK to have the smoke of an illegal substance coming into a child's bedroom.

Any kind of smoke would be horrible. Why are we stretching really hard for this to be ok?

Original poster
EpsomQ · 11/07/2021 17:37

He has a shed to smoke in. It’s a bit smaller than ours but perfectly big enough to smoke in.

OP posts:
beigebrownblue · 11/07/2021 17:37

Advice on anti social behavioru reporting is

Don't speak directly to the person involved.
Especially not if you are vulnerable or your family is, i.e you have kids.

Let the housing association deal with it.

Your DD is thirteen and no way you should have to put up with this.

If HA no cop then escalate to Housing Ombudsman.

Sounds like you need to grow some balls if you continue to live there love.

beigebrownblue · 11/07/2021 17:38

Reason is, you don't know what the backlash might be.

Perhaps out of the norm, but they might pull a knife on you.

Original poster
EpsomQ · 11/07/2021 17:38

I can’t fathom it either @Nohomemadecandles. Clearly a lot of people don’t have an issue with their dc having it wafting around their dc’s room. Then there’s me who’s genuinely concerned and feeling bad that I’ve moved my kids here.

OP posts:
NettleTea · 11/07/2021 17:39

he may use it for medical needs and have one of these cancard.co.uk/ in which case there would be nothing you could do, and most likely absolutely nothing that the police would do, as he would have the OK from his Dr and from the majority of police forces in this country

You could try speaking to him about it going into your daughters room, but probably the best move would be for you to buy a fan that will stop it coming in her window

MotorwayDiva · 11/07/2021 17:39

I am at a loss as to understand why on a mums forum so many of you are OK with her neighbour engaging in an illegal activity which is well known to be an industry which exploits vulnerable children....
OP I don't think you are unreasonable as if you can smell it you are also inhaling it second hand and we don't know enough about the correlation on the effect of mental health to take that risk in my opinion.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 11/07/2021 17:40

I think OP that a lot of people are aware, including yourself, that you could have ended up in council housing in a far worse area, where drugs are being dealt on every corner, and where you wouldn't feel safe to go out on your own, so while I appreciate that it's obviously not very pleasant for you and your family, to have to put up with your neighbours' dope smoking, you might be wise not to rock the boat, as you could really end up with the neighbours from hell. We're lucky enough to own our own house, and years ago lived in a 'naice' development of so called 'Executive' homes. We had neighbours next door with 6 kids, who were the devils spawn, so it really doesn't matter whether you're in council accommodation or not, you could still end up with neighbours who are a lot worse than those you have now.