To think my neighbour is an inconsiderate prick!

[EpsomQ]

Hi. Just a bit of background. Me and my dh had to sell our first home a few years back when dh was unexpectedly made redundant. He found another job eventually and we managed to get out of debt (completely) that we accumulated whist dh was out of work. We weren’t able to get back on to the property ladder so we moved into a lovely private rented house with our 2dc. We’d have happily stayed there as it was a nice albeit small house with lovely neighbours however our landlord had to sell due to her divorce.

After waiting around 3 months and being on the verge of homelessness the council offered us a house. We were so relieved and happy especially since the house didn’t need a lot of work doing to it and it was in walking distance to both of our dd’s schools. We got to work decorating carpeting etc and we made it into a lovely home. The street itself is actually very pretty visually not what you’d usually expect of a council estate. It has lots of greenery a place for kids to play and a community allotment. The neighbours surrounding us on the whole are lovely and the older kids who play out seem well behaved. So you can understand my disappointment considering all this that our only neighbour attached to us is a bloody nightmare.

He spends all day smoking weed to the point we have to keep our windows closed even in the warm weather as I started to lose count of how many times I walked into my living room and smelled it. My 13 year old daughter’s room is next to his and at night she can’t keep her window open as he smokes weed in his room. He usually smoke
It in the back garden and it wafts into our garden but the last few days I’ve come home from work to find him stood on his front door step puffing away as casual as anything. AIBU to think he is an arrogant hard faced prick? I’m currently trying to decide how best to handle it as I’m not sure. Dh said he will go and speak to him but we have no idea how he will react. The other option is phoning the police but I don’t know what they would do. The guy is around
19/20 lives with his mum and dad who clearly don’t mind him smoking it. The mum and dad also have a daughter who is I’d say around 11/12 years old. What would you do in my situation? Fwiw I know there are more serious things to worry about but the smell of weed makes me feel sick and my teenage daughter feels the same.

Sell your Dyson fan and you have a good start to a rental deposit then. I'm also a council tenant as my ex left me homeless, and I must say I certainly don't have the luxury of a Dyson fan. Or indeed a house. For a house rather than a one bedroom flat, I'm sure I'd live with the smell quite frankly.

But what about if one of your dc were complaining about it would you put up with it then? Children have a right to live safely and shouldn’t have to put up with this sort of thing.

He’s not putting your child at risk, she’s not at risk

I smoke cigarettes and I don’t need people to come and tell me it’s annoying to know it probably does annoy some. So I smoke in my shed with the door closed. I’m only a light smoker around 3 a day but still it doesn’t take much effort to go and sit in my shed so not to annoy other people.

Oh calm down my mum gave me the fan as my dd’s room is boiling. You know because she can’t have her bedroom window open because of the smell!

Well good for you. I’d rather live in a flat than have to put up with smelling weed every day.

@EpsomQ

But what about if one of your dc were complaining about it would you put up with it then? Children have a right to live safely and shouldn’t have to put up with this sort of thing.

Mine wouldn't complain. But yeah, I'd just light candles and incense. Gimme a break, your children are not at risk or unsafe because your neighbour smokes weed.

Your fuss and get him moved on and your next neighbour could be a fan of horrible rap with loud bass and having parties every night.

You're really lucky with this neighbour in a council estate.

@EpsomQ

No, it’s definitely weed, I know that ransom smell anywhere. If you actually google cannabis it clearly states it isn’t legal to smoke it inside your own home. I know the police are more interested in people who deal it but he could be doing that too. The point is though I don’t care what people do as long as it doesn’t affect me and my family but it is affecting us and I don’t see why we should have to put up with it.

Being upset about it won't change the situation. If you want the situation to change, you could at least try talking to the young man, or his parents, about it.

He might be entirely reasonable, & agree to keep his toking to the end of the back garden or something. You won't know until you ask.

So your kids already know he smoke weed then? So why object to them possibly seeing it? It’s no more traumatic than seeing you smoke, they know what it smells like, know that he smokes it and if he’s on his own front door step it doesn’t stop your daughter opening her window.

You seem determined to not find a solution considering that you haven’t even spoken to him yet.

@EpsomQ

Well good for you. I’d rather live in a flat than have to put up with smelling weed every day.

Then do a house swap. You get them moved on and you might well have a lot more than disappointment on your hands.

@SemperIdem

Disclaimer - I don’t smoke weed. However I don’t think smoking it is indicative of poor character.

Just mention it to him, it has probably never occurred to him that it bothers other people. Which is thoughtless of course. If after the chat he continues, then yes, he’s a tosser.

My friend who smokes the most is a judge, lol. Age 59.

Seriously your child wouldn’t complain? Oh ok.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him smoking weed but I can understand why you don’t like him doing it close to your house if the smoke is drifting inside and causing it to smell. But he probably has no idea that the smoke is drifting into your house. Go round and mention it and ask if he’d mind

Wow your very lucky to get a council home. Before actually being homless and ending up in temporary accommodation.

I would see if you can do a swap with another family. If you say anything it's likely to come back on you. And it's you who has to live there.

Sorry, pressed post too soon. Go around and ask if he’d mind smoking in the garden or further from the house, it’s unreasonable to immediately assume he’s inconsiderate when he likely has no idea it’s impacting on you.

Initially I would raise it as he might not be aware of the upset he’s causing, if this fails to achieve anything I would inform the council.

@EpsomQ

Seriously your child wouldn’t complain? Oh ok.

Yes, seriously! It regularly wafts into her room from next door. She's a teenager. She lights candles or incense. We've had real neighbours from hell and these ones are quiet. Much easier for you to call me a liar so you can continue to wind yourself up over this, though.

Nope, she doesn't complain. Nor do we. Have had far worse to deal with.

He smokes it on the front, in the back garden and in his bedroom with his windows wide open. I can hardly get away from it can I.

@EpsomQ

To be honest I’m rather shocked with how many of you who are ok with this sort of thing. Maybe I am being over sensitive but I can’t help the fact the smell makes me feel sick. We don’t annoy any of our neighbours as far as I’m aware. My dc are well behaved, we don’t play loud music or cause problems for anyone, so why can’t other people just be respectful of others.

To be honest I'm rather shocked that you are ok with putting up "with this sort of thing" instead of doing something about it, like a grown up.

Try talking to the young man - it's a form of communication that humans have been using successfully for millennia - because he's unlikely to divine how upsetting you find his smoking unless you tell him so directly.

But how can he possibly not be aware it’s affecting other people when he smokes it everywhere? Plus like I said I smoke and I’m not that stupid to not see it might annoy some of my neighbours so I do the decent thing and smoke in my shed. They have a shed next door too so he could do the same.

@EpsomQ

He smokes it on the front, in the back garden and in his bedroom with his windows wide open. I can hardly get away from it can I.

Sure you can. You can speak to him, you can swap houses or move or you can fuss and pester the council and police and take your chances on getting a real nightmare as a neighbour next and then the council won't want to even entertain your griping as they'll label you the nuisance. That's the reality of the situation.

What’s with the big introduction and scene-setting regarding private rental & being debt free ?
And I’m not sure what your street being leafy with lots of outdoor space has to do with anything ?

Your OP could have been 1 line - ‘my neighbour’s son smokes stinky weed, what can I do about it, if anything ?’

I’m not calling you a liar I’m just shocked that you are fine with weed wafting into your child’s room. My dd is no princess but she is a decent kid she knows right from wrong and she gets annoyed not being able to have her window open because of our inconsiderate neighbour.

You don't have to justify any of your possessions to anyone. I hate the attitude that you can have any comforts in life because others don't or can't afford them. You have already described in the OP why your bad luck in the past has landed you in the situation you are in. Not that renting privately is any different to renting from the council.

I sympathise OP, it's a horrible smell. Is there anywhere on his property that he could smoke without impacting you? If so I would have a word with him and ask if he could do it there. If there's nowhere he can smoke at home then I wouldn't bother as realistically he's not going to leave the premises to smoke. In that scenario I would wait it out and hope he moves out sooner rather than later.