I’ve just turned off the router and gone back to bed.

[Shuffleuplove]

3 tween boys, idle but cute. Single mum. Their attitude towards me is increasingly disrespectful and rude. I’m sick of constant bargaining and shouting from them, and my picking up after them. I normally am on the permissive end of authoritative but I’ve had enough of talking and reasoning.

Hand hold?

@CallmeHendricks nope. Not a chance. He tells them he would love to see them more. And then doesn’t do anything to make that happen. He’s lost interest now it’s looking like he won’t make the hallowed 52 nights per year for child maintenance reduction. He’s a manipulative nightmare. I facilitate contact but no more than that. I feel for the middle one - initially Daddy had him taking pictures of the fridge to see what shopping I’d bought... you get the idea.

@Soubriquet

Your middle child is an entitled little shit

Make sure you reward the youngest and oldest but keep punishing the middle until he bucks his attitude

You’ll clearly disagree but I really dislike this sort of speak, particularly about someone else’s child. Referring to a child as an entitled little shit is unnecessary. Being so derogatory about a child will not encourage them to be respectful towards a parent or any adult. You lead by example. Not speak about them as though they’re crap and then wonder why they behave in a befitting way and return the same lack of respect.

Have you told your DC that living with their father is not going to happen because their father does not want them to.

It might hurt their feelings to be told this but if they are allowed to believe it is an option when it is not, it is damaging to all but the ex.

A relative of mine had a son who kept threatening to "go and live with my dad". The dad didn't want him living there at all but her silence on the matter allowed her ex to tell the kid, "I'd have you to live with me son but your mother won't let me". The son gave her endless shit over it, he even ran away to his dad's a few times only to be very swiftly driven back with "your mother won't let me keep you" ringing in his ears. The ex was nought but a lying bastard intent on shit stirring while keeping himself looking saintly.
Watch out for this type of thing.

Yes. We have had some awful conversations about it. He’s repeated all sorts of nonsense that he’s been told, to the point that I’ve called in the lawyers about it. I’ve told him I will always tell him the truth even if it isn’t nice and that I love him for ever and ever and ever.

Well done - dont give in - we had to do this for some behavior that was unacceptable - it stayed off for two months - we got our son back for those two months and at the end he even admitted at the end of the time that it was a relief not to have it and that he was happier and calmer without the screens - we then agreed on very strict rules going forward which were only eased when he went into senior year at school (such as internet off at 10 pm, no screens in bedrooms, etc)

I’m the woman who eventually snapped and threw my son’s PlayStation out of the bedroom window.

I warned him and warned and warned him that it was going to happen if he didn’t turn it off and get on with something else. This was 12 years ago, and he still talks about it now. He says he remembers my stomping up the stairs, his door swinging open, me unplugging it and the deed being done. By some miracle, it landed on the grass and was undamaged! I’m not very proud of the fact that I lost my temper to that extent, but it actually made him respect me and realise I was deadly serious and would carry out what I had threatened to do.
That’s a very extreme example and not good parenting on my behalf, but I know exactly where you are coming from and the frustration you feel.

I have survived 3 teen girls.
If door slamming was excessive, the bedroom door was removed.
In was also known for bringing the router into work.

@ 2389Champ I remember that so clearly! My eldest was a tiny baby! Well done you!

OP this thread is great and I echo those who've said you need to write a book. I'd buy it. You've clearly got this and are an excellent Mum. They don't realise how lucky they are to have you, of course, but children who are loved and supported often don't.

I'm watching just in case I need some tips in a few years :)

All hail the unheard mums. My DS aged 5 is a tiny dictator and I'm done !!

2389Champ

I remember and totally empathise

We are not always perfect. I smashed the router once (wasn’t particularly easy) I don’t regret it. DS wlll still push put not as much as he did.

I also don’t think showing how frustrated you are is so awful either it’s being human

@OhWhyNot

2389Champ

I remember and totally empathise

We are not always perfect. I smashed the router once (wasn’t particularly easy) I don’t regret it. DS wlll still push put not as much as he did.

I also don’t think showing how frustrated you are is so awful either it’s being human

Inagree they need to know we all have our limits.

Love the "futility room". I am going to use that from now on.
My dd was a tough toddler and I threw her stuff out. Very selectively, nearly choked the night dg tries rmto do it but grabbed playable instead of a piece of tat.
She is 9 and still it has stayed with her.
This was/ is.not my prefered method of parenting but after trying everything it worked.

Sometimes you just have to do what works.

Re dad. When a friends kids are confused over what dad says. She just says. " I can not control what dad does or says. In the end you can only decide what you think based his actions. "
Sleep well

Gosh the support on this thread is what’s got me through. The house is wonderfully silent now apart from the dog’s snoring. Bedtime was another battle ground but they were so bored that they trotted off. Middle one still managed a big drama but I just left him to it and he’s gone quiet.

No plans for the router tomorrow either.

This could be a turning point. One of the ways they stayed in touch with the ex is by all online gaming at the same time, which frankly got up my nose as it went on for hours. And worse because my ex thinks this is the same as him actually having them. So instead they all got a phone call at 6pm to him, and all 3 ranted about the massive injustice of their shitty lives. I’ve no idea how the ex responded, nor do I care.

Then they picked up their gobs a bit and middle one gave me a hugely entertaining and totally earnest run through of the life cycle of ants, and how the mother ant has 75 babies a day and then the baby ants grow up and eat her. The message wasn’t lost on me!

I'm with Talktalk. The wifi disconnects itself!

@2389Champ I remember that too!!

@Shuffleuplove I think you're marvellous.

I've been known to take the tv remote the cable the router to work.

Good for you. I'd switch off the electricity if I could.

I found the TV remote in my work bag had confiscated and totally forgot where it was. 😅

@Shuffleuplove you sound like a lovely mum, I.m a single Mum of 4 boys and it can be relentless. Every now and again when things get out of hand you have to take a stance but it’s hard both energy wise and emotionally so we’ll done you.

My eldest who is very tech savvy helped me set up bt app on my phone which allows me to set WiFi restrictions on a timer Sun-Thurs and I. An pause it at any time as the last line of defence. I also bought a deco system from Amazon which sets up a new WiFi tier which the younger two are on and you can set up time restrictions on each persons devices, device by device which was a life saver. Otherwise every time you take the router I couldn’t use my iPad or watch Netflix etc.

Wishing you a better day Sunday with calmer more helpful children.

Keep going, OP.
No router for at least a month week.

There was an early morning peace delegation from the younger two. They stood at the foot of the bed and delivered a prepared press release about their plight, and an admission of the error of their ways.

Then middle one blew it by saying “that should do it. She’ll give in in a minute.”

Hostilities have resumed...

Fucking hell.
This is really out of order.

As another PP said they really should not be speaking you like this.
They sound really naughty.
You need to go hardass now.
No wifi for the rest of the month, at the very least.

Tough love. They will thank you for it.

We are raising a generation that need to be entertained. My best years of fun came from boredom and making myself do something about it.

Off topic how do get round a teenager who uses vpn to by pass my controls without surgically removing his phone

[quote scubadive]@Shuffleuplove you sound like a lovely mum, I.m a single Mum of 4 boys and it can be relentless. Every now and again when things get out of hand you have to take a stance but it’s hard both energy wise and emotionally so we’ll done you.

My eldest who is very tech savvy helped me set up bt app on my phone which allows me to set WiFi restrictions on a timer Sun-Thurs and I. An pause it at any time as the last line of defence. I also bought a deco system from Amazon which sets up a new WiFi tier which the younger two are on and you can set up time restrictions on each persons devices, device by device which was a life saver. Otherwise every time you take the router I couldn’t use my iPad or watch Netflix etc.

Wishing you a better day Sunday with calmer more helpful children.[/quote]
Any chance you could provide some more details on the deco system please? I need something like this.

@Knittedfairies

Re: bedroom door slamming - a friend's teen slammed her bedroom door so hard that stuff fell off the shelves in her neighbour's bathroom next door.

I once slammed the half glass front door so hard all the glass shattered!

(and there was me thinking I'd been a "nice" teenager )