Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend said he's starting to not like me

137 replies

nelma · 10/07/2021 01:08

Long story short, for the past couple of weeks my boyfriend and I (of 2 years) have been arguing a lot. I can't even tell you what half of these arguments have been about they have been that petty, and honestly I don't have the energy to delve into things right now. But today's argument struck me different. My boyfriend told me there are certain things about the way that I carry myself which are the opposite of what he looks for in a woman, and me not possessing those certain qualities is making him not like me. As he said that I told him to stop because he was being hurtful to which he replied that he wasn't being hurtful it's just that the truth was hurting me because that's what the truth does, it hurts.

It's been a couple hours and we haven't spoken since. we've just had a baby 5 weeks ago, and they have been the hardest 5 weeks of my life. What he said has really been the cherry on top, and I don't know what to do going forward. AIBU in wanting to end the relationship over this comment?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 10/07/2021 01:11

YANBU. That is a relationship ender of a comment. It’s cruel, nasty and stupid.

Sorry OP. The first weeks after giving birth are incredibly stressful and test any couple but a comment like that is not excused in this instance.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2021 01:13

He sounds really cruel. You are 5 weeks post birth with his baby!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/07/2021 01:13

he's horrible. get rid of him

DifficultBloodyWoman · 10/07/2021 01:20

Life Rule 1: never change yourself to please anyone other than yourself. Especially not a man!

He is saying this to make you change your behaviour. Don’t. See Life Rule 1.

Then, ask yourself, do you want to be with someone who a) tries to alter, change or control your behaviour or b) says things that are deliberately hurtful? (If he isn’t trying to alter, change or control your behaviour, the only alternative is that he is being deliberately hurtful).

Are you into emotional masochism?
If so, he is the guy for you.
If not, it is time to end the relationship.

Ending the relationship can happen now or after you have put up with this crap for five or ten more years, your self esteem has been eroded, you have a had a couple more children and therefore more ties to him, you have been out of the workforce forever longer, and are generally feeling significantly more miserable and depressed than you are now.

Set the bar higher when you decide to date again.

PrincessNutella · 10/07/2021 01:51

Oh isn't THAT convenient for him. "Starting to not like you." When you're coping with a brand-new baby. His brand-new baby. Sister, there is nothing wrong with you. He is loco in la cabeza.

BlancheB · 10/07/2021 02:03

about the way that I carry myself which are the opposite of what he looks for in a woman, and me not possessing those certain qualities is making him not like me.

Wow wait... he's told you 5 weeks after giving birth that the way you carry yourself is the opposite of what he "looks for" in a woman? Does he have all the qualities you desire?

Tell him to GTF OP and that his crass comments are making you not like him!

I'm sorry but you need support right now not hassle from someone who is supposedly on your side.

Notapheasantplucker · 10/07/2021 02:05

Eh?! Is he being serious?! He sounds like a total bellend op. And I wouldn't be surprised if he's already eyeing someone else up, with that comment. "Not what he looks for in a woman", you've just had his child ffs.

MartinaMcBride · 10/07/2021 02:05

After two years he's realised there are things about the way you 'carry yourself' that he doesn't like and must tell you immediately while you have a 5 week old baby after holding it in for 2 years?

What are these very, very important qualities that his partner must possess that can be overlooked for 2 years and no longer?

elizabethdraper · 10/07/2021 02:13

Oh tell him to fuck off

You had whole human come out of your vagina 5 weeks ago and you a not what HE looks for?

I am sorry but HE is not what You are looking for.

No, no, no LTB

YOU DESERVE BETTER, YOUR CHILD deserves better duck HIM

elizabethdraper · 10/07/2021 02:14

I hate kindle auto correct

Frannibananni · 10/07/2021 02:14

I’ve watched assholes behave very badly so the other person ends the relationship and they look like and feel like they are blameless. Could he be doing this?

NumberTheory · 10/07/2021 02:30

I would tell you to tell him where to go. But 5 weeks post birth is not normally the time to make huge life changing decisions unless you are at risk. However, it’s also not the time to put up with being treated hurtfully. Could your DM or a friend or someone come and stay for a while? Do you have the resources to get some help with the baby?

His should not have said what he did to you, but the first year with a baby is an incredibly stressful time and people do act out of character under stress sometimes. It may be a harbinger of things to come or it may be a misstep on the path to becoming a good partner and dad.

Susannahmoody · 10/07/2021 02:34

You've just had a baby? He's starting to not like you? The way you carry yourself? He's the father of your child, not your boyfriend.

Let me guess, he hasn't been doing the night feeds, has he?

Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2021 02:39

This relationship is doomed. End it now and save yourself a lot of aggravation.

unstabletoddler · 10/07/2021 02:42

He's a horrible horrible man. Not unusual for some men to show their true colours once a baby is in the mix. That comment is definitely relationship ending.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/07/2021 02:45

Tell him you've thought it over and you don't like the little weasel either, he's nasty to the bone.

arcof · 10/07/2021 02:51

I think the first few weeks with a baby are extremely stressful. Both me and my husband said things we didn't mean in that period. Emotions are very high. What was it like before the baby came? In any other circumstance I'd say leave the miserable bastard but given the situation, maybe you need to let the dust settle, see how things are tomorrow, and set up some ground rules for arguing such as, if I feel tensions rising I will leave the room etc and see if that helps. I'm not making excuses for him at all, but it's possible he didn't mean what he said and will be very apologetic tomorrow

criminallyinsane · 10/07/2021 02:54

Well he needs to fuck right off and then some more, the nasty, shallow little git. How dare he coldly assess you now! Bit bloody late and you and your baby deserve someone a lot less dim and slow. Yes, reconsider your relationship and hopefully get rid, hope you've got support with your LO from your family and friends. Good luck. x

WanderOverThere · 10/07/2021 03:29

I was going to suggest that only 2 years was fine to say fuck off, then saw you had a baby and my heart sank.
You deserve treated like a queen after birth, not a bullshit list of reasons he dislikes you.
You even said to stop as you were hurt by his comments and his response was to continue and tell you the truth hurts!? Arsehole. A dream man right there.

Unless you've spent 5 weeks abusing him and he retaliated then this is not acceptable behaviour.
Horrible little man.

QueenBee52 · 10/07/2021 03:43

What a loser he sounds..

please end this before he drags you down into the depths of despair, at his word.

Congratulations on the recent birth of your child. Flowers

IndecentCakes · 10/07/2021 03:43

He'll be on Tinder, then. Guaranteed. Cherchez la femme and all that. You'll be blamed, of course. You weren't giving him enough sex, or paying him enough attention.

Radio4ordie · 10/07/2021 03:47

What a nasty awful comment when you’ve just had his baby. I have no time for men who can’t be decent partners and fathers.

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 10/07/2021 03:51

Tell him the feeling is entirely mutual, and he’d better be moving out then.

want2bemum · 10/07/2021 04:50

You had a baby 5 weeks ago and he's commenting on "the way you carry yourself"? That's awful :(

RickiTarr · 10/07/2021 04:52

So many shit men.

Don’t you think you can do better? I’m sure you can.