Boyfriend said he's starting to not like me

[nelma]

Long story short, for the past couple of weeks my boyfriend and I (of 2 years) have been arguing a lot. I can't even tell you what half of these arguments have been about they have been that petty, and honestly I don't have the energy to delve into things right now. But today's argument struck me different. My boyfriend told me there are certain things about the way that I carry myself which are the opposite of what he looks for in a woman, and me not possessing those certain qualities is making him not like me. As he said that I told him to stop because he was being hurtful to which he replied that he wasn't being hurtful it's just that the truth was hurting me because that's what the truth does, it hurts.

It's been a couple hours and we haven't spoken since. we've just had a baby 5 weeks ago, and they have been the hardest 5 weeks of my life. What he said has really been the cherry on top, and I don't know what to do going forward. AIBU in wanting to end the relationship over this comment?

I don't know how you come back from your partner telling you that you aren't what he wants in a woman. That is the kind of comment that ends relationships and probably should.

What a charmer. How hurtful and unfair. This is emotional abuse starting.
I think there should be a number of things about him that you don’t look for in a man, tbh.

He's angry that you're not performing to his fantasy. He's a selfish loser and he's not going to get better. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

My boyfriend told me there are certain things about the way that I carry myself which are the opposite of what he looks for in a woman, and me not possessing those certain qualities is making him not like me.

An excuse because fatherhood isn't what he expected and he is shifting blame.

What did he mean about the way you ‘carry yourself’? Physically or metaphorically?

You’ve just had a baby. Most women are still limping or shuffling around painfully as their bodies recover from the trauma of pregnancy and birth. I couldn’t sit comfortably or stand up straight for a while, in the end I saw a women’s physio as I had lasting damage to my ligaments from SPD.

I was a complete mess for nearly a year after having my first. I don't think I got dressed for first two months.

I'd tell him I'm focusing on me and the baby. If you can't be kind and positive then there is the door

The only time somebody - a man, of course - has complained about the way I “carried myself” was when I was doing my accountancy training in a Big 4 firm.

One of the managers complained about the way I “carried myself”. Not to me, to somebody more senior.

When asked to elaborate, it emerged that my carriage sins involved:

• being tall.
• walking briskly around the office.
• standing next to his desk when he was sitting down, thus making him feel threatened.
• wearing dark-coloured tailored clothes (as an accountant. Fancy that!)

I read complaints from men about the way a woman “carries herself” as “not behaving as I would like women to behave around me, because that’s the only thing that matters”.

LTB. He is either being trying to make you feel bad and control you into changing or trying to get you to dump him.

You haven’t got a long term future together. He’s downright nasty. Even if you don’t leave right now make decisions to protect you - he’s a bf not husband. Make sure you go back to work so can support self - don’t spend money or time on stuff you don’t own that benefits him eg house if it’s not in your name.

First and foremost please look after yourself and child. It's an extremely challenging time, and you need as much support as you can possibly get. There are huge red flags in your post.

I'd encountered similar, but not the same situation with my fiancé. We'd had a great relationship, things moved very quickly, in the months leading up to the wedding I was felt I was increasingly having to conform to an ideal that he had (how to dress, hobbies, only white wine, drive a BMW, only missionary piv, not allowed to masturbate, etc.)...and that was not me.

Be yourself!

Wow OP he sounds like a really cruel emotionally abusive immature dickhead. Found like he wants out of the relationship- parenting responsibility and the reality- realises he wants an easier life. He's making pathetic excuses to get you to end it or to manipulate you to put up with his abusive shit whilst he swans around playing jack the lad. Do yourself a really big favour and get rid of him, now and forever. He has not got your back and will never truly love or respect you. Bin him before he destroys any more of your self confidence and self worth. You deserve so much better. Take care xxx

There are lots of post on MN about controlling personalities/partners. It really is a form of coercive control, and the signs are often there, but at the time it can be very hard to see, much clearer looking back.

Even though everything started OK, my first serious BF made me feel crap because of my job, my curly hair, the Uni I went to, the area I lived in, that I'd been raped, that I couldn't cum through piv and so on. I really began to feel worthless.

Be very very careful OP. It's heartbreaking to read these posts.