Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend said he's starting to not like me

137 replies

nelma · 10/07/2021 01:08

Long story short, for the past couple of weeks my boyfriend and I (of 2 years) have been arguing a lot. I can't even tell you what half of these arguments have been about they have been that petty, and honestly I don't have the energy to delve into things right now. But today's argument struck me different. My boyfriend told me there are certain things about the way that I carry myself which are the opposite of what he looks for in a woman, and me not possessing those certain qualities is making him not like me. As he said that I told him to stop because he was being hurtful to which he replied that he wasn't being hurtful it's just that the truth was hurting me because that's what the truth does, it hurts.

It's been a couple hours and we haven't spoken since. we've just had a baby 5 weeks ago, and they have been the hardest 5 weeks of my life. What he said has really been the cherry on top, and I don't know what to do going forward. AIBU in wanting to end the relationship over this comment?

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 10/07/2021 09:50

@NewlyGranny

Hd grief. Tell him you haven't just been carrying yourself, you've been carrying his child!

It's a wee bit late for him to decide there were fundamental things he didn't like about you, isn't it? Why did he embark on a pregnancy with someone he had so many doubts about?

I think I'd be inclined to say to him, "If you were me, and had just spent months growing and then giving birth to this baby from your own body, what exactly would you be doing differently?" Make him list it. Be explicit.

And then make a list of what you would be doing if he was the mother, to show him what you expect, and give it to him.

I wonder if he genuinely thought nothing would change for him? How old is he?

This ^^
babyblues21 · 10/07/2021 09:52

Omg Horrible man!! The way you carry yourself Isn't to his liking!? You've just brought a new life into the world!! He can fuck very far off to the far side of fuck and then keep going.

I'm 12 weeks postpartum and suffering bad PND- if my partner said shit like that it would tip me over. Sending you lots of love and congratulations on the birth of your little bundle Thanks

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/07/2021 09:52

The way you 'carry yourself'!? What did he mean?

Either he hasnt liked you for a while and has picked the time you are really vulnerable already to tell you, which is really cruel

Or he is referring to something baby related eg you're tired and snappy and dont have time for him etc etc which is completely normal with a newborn and he is selfish and deluded libby pointing it out and expecting it to have a negative effect.

Everyone bikers with a new baby but most people still support each other underneath. Saying something to make you feel worse at such a difficult time is so low its unforgivable

MadeForThis · 10/07/2021 09:54

@nelma I assume you are tired and totally focused on the baby.

How is he as a dad? Does he help? Does he resent the focus on the baby?

He sounds like a manipulative dick.

AddressLabel · 10/07/2021 09:55

@Frannibananni

I’ve watched assholes behave very badly so the other person ends the relationship and they look like and feel like they are blameless. Could he be doing this?
My thoughts exactly.
Bollindger · 10/07/2021 10:04

I'd wait and see.
Do not sleep with him.
Do you like him? Take this time to see if he helps, is gentle with you, and respects you as the mother of his child.

PearlNextDoor · 10/07/2021 10:10

What an arse, 5 weeks after the birth of a baby!?

HOW could you like him?

He sounds cruel.

PearlNextDoor · 10/07/2021 10:11

Is the quality in a woman that he so admires that she never ever complain or express any need of her own?

FindingMeno · 10/07/2021 10:12

He sounds like a complete arsehole.

TheWernethWife · 10/07/2021 10:12

My friends partner left her with a month old baby, had a new woman already lined up.

oakleaffy · 10/07/2021 10:14

So often the way... Baby and the man gets difficult, and makes unking comments...and then has an affair.
I'd get rid of him.

Killahangilion · 10/07/2021 10:15

Oh you poor love.

It sounds like he is making up stupid reasons for your supposed failings so that he can leave this relationship and pretend it’s all your fault.

He’s (a piece of shit) being incredibly immature and doesn’t sound like good father material let alone a decent partner.

Do you have support from your family?

I think you know that this relationship is over. Kick him out now and don't let his childishness bring you down any further. You don’t need this arsehole in your life.

ahoyshipmates · 10/07/2021 10:20

He's an absolute bastard. Tell him so.

Iamthewombat · 10/07/2021 10:30

@PearlNextDoor

Is the quality in a woman that he so admires that she never ever complain or express any need of her own?
This!

Plus, OP, the fault in the way you “carry yourself” (!!!) is probably that you REFUSE to slink around him in a bodycon dress offering him cigars and cocktails like a Bond girl.

NewlyGranny · 10/07/2021 10:42

Be very careful, OP. At 5 weeks post-partum, you could easily conceive again if you have unprotected sex with this... person.

PuffinDodger · 10/07/2021 10:42

He probably can't be arsed with a new baby and is setting the groundwork for moving out and being a part time dad. What an arse

ittakes2 · 10/07/2021 10:51

I am sorry it sounds like shit. I suspect its not a case of him starting to not like you...I suspect its a case of him starting to realise parenthood is going to drastically change his life and he likely doesn't feel up for the responsibility.

updateinprogress · 10/07/2021 10:52

The truth in a relationship shouldn’t hurt, it should be full of love and support. He’s cruel and adds nothing to your life but petty arguments. Time to show him the door.

WeAllHaveWings · 10/07/2021 10:58

Sorry OP, it was a dreadful thing for him to say.

Time for a heart to heart, keep calm and get your message across, even if he rants, tell him his comments were down right cruel, you have just recently given birth to his child and he needs to realise your body is, and emotionally you are going through significant challenges and you will not tolerate anything less that 100% support and consideration from him over the coming months. Tell him you love him (if you do) but are very disappointed in him as he hasn't stepped up a man, partner or father and if he wants you to be a family he needs to do something about it now or come clean and tell you if he doesn't want to be family, instead of acting like a spoilt manchild and treating you like shite as you simply don't have the energy for it.

lastcall · 10/07/2021 11:15

You've just gone through 9 months of pregnancy and had a baby a month ago. Your body isn't just yours yet, your sleep patters are destroyed, your hormones are everywhere, you're doing the best you can to keep a small baby alive and happy ... and you've just discovered that rather than doing everything he can to support you and his new baby, your boyfriend is a selfish, self-centred dick. I'm so sorry.

I'd think long and hard about keeping the boyfriend, frankly.

catmothertes1 · 10/07/2021 11:21

@WanderOverThere

I was going to suggest that only 2 years was fine to say fuck off, then saw you had a baby and my heart sank. You deserve treated like a queen after birth, not a bullshit list of reasons he dislikes you. You even said to stop as you were hurt by his comments and his response was to continue and tell you the truth hurts!? Arsehole. A dream man right there.

Unless you've spent 5 weeks abusing him and he retaliated then this is not acceptable behaviour.
Horrible little man.

Same here. Boyfriend? 2 years? Just dump him! And then,I saw the bit about the 5 week old baby.
Looubylou · 10/07/2021 11:40

Please put yourself and your baby first - he has literally said you are not good enough for him. Do not accept that - it is the road to non existent self esteem. If do you accept it, that is his green light to be emotionally abusive for ever.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 10/07/2021 11:49

Wow - that is really awful.

When had our first dc we bickered quite a lot at first as we found our feet, adjusted to our new family dynamic etc alongside being exhausted etc etc.

But we were never cruel to one another, that is uncalled for.

So he’s basically saying “the truth is I don’t really like you anymore”. Nice. I’d be telling him that I didn’t like him very much either!

BillyWhozz · 10/07/2021 11:50

@Mrstamborineman

He is asking you to end it. He is a cowardly bastard and won’t do it in a respectful way. He is being a shit stick so that you run away and he is a blameless victim of being dumped.
100% this. He's going to treat you so badly you either put up with it or end it so he can say it was all you. Sorry.
RowanAlong · 10/07/2021 11:56

How unbelievably arrogant and cruel. Please leave while the baby is young enough x

Swipe left for the next trending thread