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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Piercing a 2yr olds ears..

337 replies

Thelogicescapesme · 09/07/2021 23:29

It's not a cultural thing in this case, more so the toddler is being treat like a fashion accessory. Mum had it done because mum thinks it's "pretty and girly"

As an adult whom has had to have two piercings surgically removed and antibiotics for complications post procedure I think it's fucking bonkers that anybody would inflict it on a small child.

AIBU and what are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Shadedog · 10/07/2021 00:48

In some cultures it's expected you pierce a child/babies ears and widely accepted

I’m not even from here and even I know that it’s widely accepted and culturally normal in the UK. That’s why there is a Claire’s on every high street. Culture isn’t just for us foreigners you know.

Quaggars · 10/07/2021 00:50

Big deal, I don’t remember it and now

OK, fair enough, but the fact you don't remember is that they decided to make that choice for you - to put holes in your ears.
Not for any medical reasons, presumably they thought it looked good or was the "right" thing to do.
Personally I'm glad I had the right to choose

PuffinDodger · 10/07/2021 00:51

It's still cultural if its done in the UK if its the norm in a particular social group. It's not logical to say it's fine for a Spanish person to do it because cultural but wrong if a UK person does it

TableFlowerss · 10/07/2021 00:52

Absolutely vile.

Quaggars · 10/07/2021 00:53

I’m not even from here and even I know that it’s widely accepted and culturally normal in the UK.
Just because it might be culturally the norm, does that make it OK?
I'll have to argue I don't think it is in the UK, there's a lot of people who don't have them pierced as babies or toddlers.

Maggiesfarm · 10/07/2021 00:54

I think it is horrible.

LST · 10/07/2021 00:54

@PuffinDodger

It's still cultural if its done in the UK if its the norm in a particular social group. It's not logical to say it's fine for a Spanish person to do it because cultural but wrong if a UK person does it
It's wrong fullstop
WorraLiberty · 10/07/2021 00:55

As an adult whom has had to have two piercings surgically removed and antibiotics for complications post procedure I think it's fucking bonkers that anybody would inflict it on a small child.

AIBU and what are your thoughts?

My thoughts are why are you excusing this behaviour if it's cultural?

Does 'culture' mean you therefore suddenly think it's not "fucking bonkers that anybody would inflict it on a small child"??

You can't have it both ways OP.

stampo · 10/07/2021 00:56

@Quaggars but we all put our beliefs onto our children.. people baptising their kids, circumcising them, i think they shave babies heads in Argentina when they're a few months old, raise them vegetarian in accordance with religion, don't vaccinate them if they don't believe in vaccines, refuse blood transfusions etc etc

I'm always in the minority on this topic, i think earrings look lovely on little kids.

PuffinDodger · 10/07/2021 00:57

@Quaggars

I’m not even from here and even I know that it’s widely accepted and culturally normal in the UK. Just because it might be culturally the norm, does that make it OK? I'll have to argue I don't think it is in the UK, there's a lot of people who don't have them pierced as babies or toddlers.
No it doesn't but the argument that it's OK in other countries because it's cultural but not here is silly
LST · 10/07/2021 00:57

@Grenlei

Funnily enough OP, in countries where infant ear piercing is commonplace theres not thousands of babies with the piercing problems you allude to. In my own family babies ears have been pierced for many generations without incident. So I don't accept that injury, infection or other unfortunate consequence is inevitable.
Doesn't matter about the after effects. Having them done at all is vile. It causes unnecessary pain to a baby. Horrible. And I am not a judgey person, but anyone who has a baby with pierced ears I would judge harshly
Quaggars · 10/07/2021 00:57

I had my ears pierced aged 4 - by my 13 yo older sister with an ice cube and a sewing needle!

Grin Anyone else totally be put in mind of the Grease scene?! "Can somebody please fetch some ice to numb her earlobe?!" lol

I wouldn’t recommend it - but I don’t think it’s child abuse and it didn’t hurt much. She was just a very daft 13 yo. We laugh about it now

That's not the same though
As in it's basically a child, being left alone with a child, expected to be a grown up.
If you are the parent punching holes in a baby/toddler, different dynamic

TableFlowerss · 10/07/2021 01:01

To add - it inflicting unnecessary pain and possible infection, on a child that doesn’t request it (different if they were asking at 10)

And

It looks trashy as anything!! Babies with piercings 🤮

Shadedog · 10/07/2021 01:03

Just because it might be culturally the norm, does that make it OK?

I wasn’t making an argument that it’s ok, just disagreeing with the OP that some people doing it for cultural reasons whereas others are doing it because in their culture it’s “pretty and girly”, are two different things. It’s literally the same thing. Absolutely mad the way people think their attitudes and behaviour aren’t moderated and formed by cultural norms but Johnny foreigners are. It’s like those people who think they aren’t influenced by advertising.
(I actually do think it’s ok because it’s so culturally normal, plus I don’t care that much - not hugely widespread in my culture but I did dds when she was 10. I don’t have any piercings, dd has quite a few - this is her culture)

Grenlei · 10/07/2021 01:06

I don't have my own nose or face pierced so I wouldn't do that to a baby. However I see absolutely nothing wrong with ear piercing which is an established tradition in my family like many others. My own ears were pierced when I was very young (by our GP).

Any suggestion that it's child abuse trivialises the experience of those children who do actually suffer abuse in whatever form.

Ijustreallywantacat · 10/07/2021 01:18

Can't get worked up about it. Find it just appalling that someone is comparing it to FGM. also find I interesting thar when someone come along with actual experience of it, it's dismissed.

eliohelio · 10/07/2021 01:21

Oh yuck! No way.

Not only do they look gloriously tacky on babies and toddlers/small children, but having your ears pierced is really bloody painful as is the aftercare/sleeping on them etc. Most importantly for me no adult should be making decisions on behalf of a baby/toddler purely for selfish fashion reasons. Where do you draw the line? Can I give my baby a sleeve cos I think its cute?

Quaggars · 10/07/2021 01:24

Can't get worked up about it. Find it just appalling that someone is comparing it to FGM.

If that's to me, I specifically said I wasn't comparing the two?
Just that they're both seen as "cultural."
What makes one OK but the other not?

Sceptre86 · 10/07/2021 01:24

My dd is 5 and has not had hers done yet. I think I will probably wait until she is 7 at the earliest or maybe in the summer holidays before high school. I got mine done when about 7, they got infected and I had to take them out. They were done then at 11 and I was able to take care of them myself. I like wearing earrings, I think they look nice regardless of age. My concern would be the placement of the holes could be screwed as a child grows older so I think it is best to wait till they are older. If they do not want them done that is fine too.

FlyingBattie · 10/07/2021 01:26

@Quaggars

Can't get worked up about it. Find it just appalling that someone is comparing it to FGM.

If that's to me, I specifically said I wasn't comparing the two?
Just that they're both seen as "cultural."
What makes one OK but the other not?

Because FGM is done to control female sexuality and destroy sexual pleasure. It also puts the female at high risk of death when they give birth. It's all about male control over their "possession". Ear piercing, even if you don't agree with it, isn't dangerous or done to control the child. It has no major health risks.
eliohelio · 10/07/2021 01:28

Err the FGM talk is a bit out of place here. Ear piercings on babies are gross but in no way comparable to FGM, that shouldn’t even have been brought to the discussion.

Quaggars · 10/07/2021 01:29

It's still instilling your cultural norms on a baby or toddler.
Modifying their body as you think it's OK to do.

Ijustreallywantacat · 10/07/2021 01:34

Because FGM is done to control female sexuality and destroy sexual pleasure. It also puts the female at high risk of death when they give birth. It's all about male control over their "possession".
Ear piercing, even if you don't agree with it, isn't dangerous or done to control the child. It has no major health risks.

Exactly this. They don't belong in the same sentence.

Quaggars · 10/07/2021 01:38

Why is it OK to decide to punch holes in your babies ears just because you personally think it looks cute or whatever though?
They have to live with it.
Shouldn't they get a say?

MrsMonkeyBear · 10/07/2021 04:40

I hate it personally. Piercing guns cause trauma and cannot be sterilised to a high enough standard.

DD1 is 6 an knows she has to wait until she is 12 so she can be taken to a reputable Piercing studio to get hers done.