Why does everyone around me seem so happy and OK

[RainbowChameleon]

Are you all happy with this? This working for years on end, only having evenings and weekends to yourself, 4 weeks off a year. The daily grind is honestly crushing my soul. I live for Fridays. I know we have to work to earn money to live but by christ it's dull. Do you all feel fulfilled and feel your lives have meaning? I feel like I'm just counting down the hours, days, weeks, years. I think I'm a nihilist. I don't know how to turn these thoughts off.

I started saving for early retirement in my 20s as I didn't want to end up having to work in my 60s and 70s. I've managed to save up enough to retire when I'm 55, I'm in my late 40s now I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel. The secret is not to worry about keeping up with the Joneses and save as much as you can. Once you have a way out (early retirement) the daily grind becomes more bearable.

What might be compounding the issue is if you’re single and childless - I couldn’t see from your posts.

I am infertile and I’ve cut off my abusive family so am not mother, daughter or wife - the big three societal roles. It’s hard not to feel like my life is therefore fairly pointless, and that it’s just counting down until it’s over. Perhaps it’s an absence of purpose or just not having the kind of life joy moments that come with seeing your kids grow up or whatever, but the whole being alive thing just feels like… spending all my time working just to avoid being homeless, and then death.

Which is horrifically morbid and I don’t say this out loud as people would think I was insane. But just to say that I hear you.

There's been some helpful advice thank you.

To those of you who get it, thank you. It's more than just working, it's the whole thing stretching out in front of you.

Some days I feel very resentful of the fact I was brought into the world which I recognise is a waste of energy and not helpful, but it is how I feel.

I agree OP, it can seem bleak when you don't enjoy what you do. I think some of the #liveyourbestlife stuff has a lot to answer for. It's unrealistic to think life is going to be fun and exciting all the time, so it's good to find contentment in the smaller things.

That said, I had to get out of the corporate world, even though the pay and benefits were really good and my colleagues were nice. The work I did was both boring and stressful which is a horrible combination.

I am retraining to work with animals, maybe as a veterinary nurse. Even though I know the hours will be long and the pay won't be good, I couldn't stay sitting at a computer all day long, with only bullsh!t meetings to break the monotony.
I don't plan on having kids, so I don't have anyone else to support, if I have to get by on a lower wage it will be worth it to me.

Maybe think about retraining or finding something else you enjoy. Spending everyday doing something you hate is soul destroying. Not saying that any job is perfect, but you should like more bits than you hate.

There are people who are able to just do whatever job they need to bring in the money - a friend of mine is a finance manager and she hates it. But it's great money and supports a good lifestyle she wants, so she's fine with it. I couldn't do that. Different personalities I guess.

@AudacityBaby

I get it. There's a lot I don't say out loud because people just wouldn't get it.

I mean technically all our lives are pretty pointless but you can't think about that too much or you'd go crazy. I like to take photographs as it helps me notice interesting and beautiful things. Have you tried getting out into the countryside OP? I find seeing some big sky and open space helps. Or even just a park would do. And I also find drinking too much makes me incredibly morose so I'm working on that.

I adore my job so that helps. But it’s extremely badly paid, I’m in performing arts and you only go into it because you love it, not because being able to pay your bills will be a given in this industry. It’s also something I’ve been doing since the age of 5, and have turned it from a hobby to my whole career.

My life does have meaning and I live for what I do, I’m currently on my only holiday this year - 2 weeks - and I know I’ll be dying to go back by the end of it. The negatives are, I have no idea when or how I’ll have time to meet someone and/or form a family, or if I’ll ever have the money to afford children. For some people that’s more important at the end of the day so they leave and settle for unfulfilling jobs that offer stability.

I’m currently very happy though, exciting job, lots and lots of travel, I meet new people and have new experiences every week. My job pushes me every day to become better, professionally but also emotionally. I learn so much about myself with each passing day. I know it may sound very cliché but it’s the truth, and the main reason I feel like my life is worth living.

My faith, having amazing friends and a close sister are also big parts of why I feel fulfilled. But let’s be honest, at the end of the day you spend 8/12/16h a day working, so if you don’t enjoy that, it’s a big chunk of time that needs to be counterbalanced somehow.

I would feel the same if I didn't work part time

I do get what you mean though, I've felt like this on and off my entire life, it got really bad a couple years back and I had to go to counselling for a while. But most of the time I'm pretty content, I just dip sometimes.

It's unrealistic to think life is going to be fun and exciting all the time, so it's good to find contentment in the smaller things.

Also, this. Even at my church, everyone loves saying ‘have joy’. Well, life isn’t always joyful and there are boring and bleak moments. Plenty of them. It just means we need to focus on noticing the little things that make us smile, and learn to find contempt in them.

@ssd

Ive only ever seen people who love their jobs on mn. Where are all these people??

Yes op its a bloody grind.

I wouldn't say I love my job. Far from it. But it has elements I enjoy and it is best suited to my abilities. Plus it provides me with an income which I can use to spend on the things I do love. Like myself and my family.

I am a million times happier since WFH. It allows me to work and do more of what I do enjoy.

@RainbowChameleon I hear you - especially on resenting the fact that you were born, no matter how irrational that seems. (Have you read “Breasts and Eggs” by Meiko Kawakami? Think you’d get something out of it.)

Hugs, anyway. It’s bloody awful and I keep hoping that a lightbulb goes off and I suddenly get what everyone else seems to understand!

I know exactly how you feel OP! I felt like that for years and it was soul crushing. I even thought I was in a job that I enjoyed for some of that time. I wasn't!

I'm now in an excellent job which, yes, is still hard work. I still love my weekends and my time off and I'm not exactly desperate to get back to my office every Monday! However, it no longer feels like a miserable grind that never ends.

Would recommend job hunting. I know it's easier said than done, and I also know how it feels like it might not be worth it. How are you feeling about things other than work? Is your emotional health in general ok?

Nah I love life. I'm on mat leave but will return 4 days soon. I wfh a lot and find time to run / swim / yoga most days. My job is well paid and fun enough, nice team. I genuinely can't relate to "the daily grind".

I find everything a monotonous grind. Getting prescriptions from the chemist, having to choose what we are going to eat for the next 3/4 dinners, washing clothes.

But I enjoy my job a lot and have a lovely time occasionally going out to dinner with Dh, meeting up with friends.

I love my job, but hate the bureaucracy around it.
I also hate early shifts as I'm a night owl

But I have had some really shite jobs where I just wanted to scream to be let out

OP I'm self employed and still feel like you.

I question it constantly. The weirdest thing is I have money to retire but It would be the end of my marriage if I did and I also know I'd be bored shitless and probably suffer depression as a result of that too so I just plod along.

I was taking anti depressants but stopped due to TTC so maybe it's not life it's me with the problem! As I did feel better after them.

Last job I did was boring as hell, but with fun people in the office it was bearable. When they left it became intolerable so I left (not the only reason, it was a factor).

I think aiming to LOVE your job can be too stressful for some people though, I'd aim for generally contented with your situation. If its unbearably horrible/stressful I'd look to move jobs. Being unemployed and broke is stressful too.

I completely agree!

I don’t love my job and some days it’s a struggle working full time and being a single parent some days I cry because I am so mentally and physically exhausted but I’ve also been unemployed on benefits and it really affected my MH.
I’ve always said if I win the lottery I would have to volunteer as I think our brains need to be active all the time.
Do you think you are just unfulfilled?
Do you need a more/less challenging job or some more/less physical?

[quote RainbowChameleon]@Watchingyou2sleezes how do they afford to live?[/quote]
The answer to that is that he simply doesn't need very much and that's his mind set. Does odds and sods but doesn't have a job and doesn't care for one either. Not some crusty new age wannabe either just wants to live a simple life in a lovely part of the World.

To reference his choice he was developing a career that would certainly have lead to a life of earning big money.

I don’t think you need to enjoy your job per se, but at least enjoy your colleagues or your office

OP I'm sorry to hear (I infer) that you have other things going on in your life around family and the rest of it. I would say that's more the root of things than the work situation. Be kind to yourself, things will change, prioritise your mental health and don't be angry that you can't be positive about life right now. Sometimes we just can't.

I don't have a job. I was a SAHM, then diagnosed with an autoimmune disease which means some days I can barely get out of bed let alone do a day's work. I haven't worked for 25 years. I have no friends and no family other than DH and DD. I'm very isolated and my days are a round of pretty much nothing apart from house work, grocery shopping and the symptoms of my disease. I can't believe this is life and the grind feels so relentless. I know what you mean OP.

This was me until I quit my job.