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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why does everyone around me seem so happy and OK

156 replies

RainbowChameleon · 09/07/2021 08:41

Are you all happy with this? This working for years on end, only having evenings and weekends to yourself, 4 weeks off a year. The daily grind is honestly crushing my soul. I live for Fridays. I know we have to work to earn money to live but by christ it's dull. Do you all feel fulfilled and feel your lives have meaning? I feel like I'm just counting down the hours, days, weeks, years. I think I'm a nihilist. I don't know how to turn these thoughts off.

OP posts:

claralara42 · 09/07/2021 10:31

@Comedycook

Lot's of people enjoy doing what you think is the boring daily grind job, and would hate to do whatever you think is scintillating

Really... people enjoy cleaning hospitals, emptying bins, stacking shelves, driving delivery vans, moving boxes around a warehouse so they? We'd be absolutely screwed without those people...

Can you decide whether you are looking down on them or praising them? You inability to understand that people could enjoy those jobs implies you think those jobs are worthless. People enjoy them very much. Other people hate it.

psychomath · 09/07/2021 10:34

@Comedycook

Would you do it if you were a millionaire *@psychomath* ?

Not being snooty by the way because i've never had a job I've really loved...

I've actually thought about this a lot @Comedycook (not that I anticipate becoming a millionaire any time soon!) and I genuinely think I would, but not forever, and I might ask to drop my hours. I like my colleagues a lot and I like having the structure to my days. If I ever win the lottery I might change my mind though

LindaEllen · 09/07/2021 10:38

@ssd

Ive only ever seen people who love their jobs on mn. Where are all these people??

Yes op its a bloody grind.

I love my job. I took the plunge a decade ago and became self employed doing a job that a) I enjoy and b) I could choose my own hours for.

I have a bank of amazing clients who ask me for work regularly, and it allows me to build my working day around pretty much anything I want to do.

Realistically, I work 4 hours a day, on weekdays only, and bring home £2.5k a month. Okay, not an amazing wage by anyone's standards, BUT it's enough for me to live comfortably on, enough to allow DP to have a 20 hour a week job too, and I enjoy the work.

It is possible, but you need to be proactive and really think about what you want to do. Things won't come to you.

ClawedButler · 09/07/2021 10:38

I'm prone to severe depression, so even when my life looks, on paper, like it's great, I experience it as a trudge, and stressful and hopeless.

When i'm in a good phase, though, I have done jobs I didn't love but because I was in a good place mentally they were good enough for me.

If you've never experienced depression or hopelessness like that, it's hard to imagine how difficult it makes life. It's not a "habit" or a choice.

Comedycook · 09/07/2021 10:42

@claralara42. I'm not looking down on anyone at all. Yes some people may enjoy their work but surely the majority are just doing it for the money? I'm just making the point that we can advise individuals to do a job they love and feel passionately about but it's not realistic for society as a whole. I think it's why do many people drink

Comedycook · 09/07/2021 10:42

*so many

notanothertakeaway · 09/07/2021 10:43

@Comedycook

Lot's of people enjoy doing what you think is the boring daily grind job, and would hate to do whatever you think is scintillating

Really... people enjoy cleaning hospitals, emptying bins, stacking shelves, driving delivery vans, moving boxes around a warehouse so they? We'd be absolutely screwed without those people...

For the right person, there's a lot to be said for (1) honest, hard work, (2) satisfaction of a job well done, (3) lack of stress & responsibility, (4) banter with colleagues, (5) guaranteed work, (6) regular hours and (7) making your community a bit better

So, for the right person, yes I would absolutely think that working as eg a bin man could be a great job

ClawedButler · 09/07/2021 10:43

I think I'm trying to say that it's not necessarily the job itself, but how you feel about it. I've had some bloody awful jobs, had me in tears, but there is always something you can take from that, whether that's

a bit of money coming in
workmates to chat to or have a laugh with
getting out of the house and doing something useful
lessons about time management, standing up for yourself, communication, all the things that make working life a bit easier

Original poster

RainbowChameleon · 09/07/2021 10:44

@linda what do you do if able to share?

OP posts:

ClawedButler · 09/07/2021 10:44

@notanothertakeaway yes, I agree. I've done jobs that some people might think of as menial. But it's still honest work, that pays the bills, and that's not something to be sneered at.

TheDevils · 09/07/2021 10:49

I love my job - I'm very passionate about it so even when it's busy/stressful that fact I'm doing something enjoy gets me though.
My job is also very flexible and I get very generous annual leave. I get 7 weeks plus bank hols and Christmas.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/07/2021 10:49

Binmen have actually ok wages as well. Good on them

UnChatNoir · 09/07/2021 10:49

Realistically, I work 4 hours a day, on weekdays only, and bring home £2.5k a month. Okay, not an amazing wage by anyone's standards

Gosh, I think that's a good wage. I know loads of people irl that don't earn anywhere near that a month!

Weebleweeble · 09/07/2021 10:50

I found being around other people for 8 hours blooming exhausting - so didn't ever enjoy work really, odd days, events yes but mostly watched the clock.
I chose the wrong career and should have been sitting at a desk doing something mathematical or that used your brain enough to make the time pass.
Alot of people seem to be downsizing or moving somewhere cheap so they can let their homes, then doing part time work. Is that an option?

toocold54 · 09/07/2021 10:52

I think you have to switch your mind set. Everyone has to work for the majority of their lives so you need to accept it as just part of life.

It is really important that you get a job you enjoy - that could be because it makes lots of money, because you’re saving lives and making a difference or because you enjoy being a part of a team etc. You need to find what you prefer.
I have a few friends who do low paid work in factories, call centres etc who love it and have no plans to leave because of the team they work with and it’s not too stressful and I’m often envious because they always have a laugh at work and have lots of friends.

Hotcuppatea · 09/07/2021 10:56

Why don't you consider having some sessions with a life coach and figure out what coukd make you happier? You say you have no dependents, so in many ways the world is your oyster.

onlyhereforthecake · 09/07/2021 10:57

Of course plenty of people enjoy their job! And plenty don't.

It's not a party every day, even that will get tedious, but plenty of people thrive with their responsibility, with the challenge, are really enjoying being part of a team, or being academic, or seeing the results of what they are achieving. Lord knows, everyone is different but life is far too short to be miserable and live for Friday.

WFH has been a life changing opportunity for many too.

Yes, many won't keep their jobs if they win million at the lottery, but it doesn't mean they are miserable every day. Life is too short for that.

You need to find something that interests you and go for it. Even if it takes time. It's miserable to be unhappy but do nothing about it.
What would you do if you didn't have to work exactly?

As an aside, I have 6 weeks paid holidays a year, not 4 plus bank holidays, but my work is pretty flexible either way anyway.

claralara42 · 09/07/2021 11:00

[quote Comedycook]@claralara42. I'm not looking down on anyone at all. Yes some people may enjoy their work but surely the majority are just doing it for the money? I'm just making the point that we can advise individuals to do a job they love and feel passionately about but it's not realistic for society as a whole. I think it's why do many people drink[/quote]
You're thinking in extremes. Most people neither love nor hate their job. They, to varying degrees, like it or don't mind it. Most like parts of it.

For example I would never say I love my job. But I like it. I have a good set up in that I have a lot of autonomy and flexibility, I do good for people, and the moneys ok (should be more for the level of responsibility but I don't care that much). I like it just fine, its not a depressing grind by any stretch.

dayslikethese1 · 09/07/2021 11:00

The other option is to learn to live on way less money and work minimal hours and volunteer or do other fun stuff the rest of the time. We don't need half the things we think we do. Make sure you save some into a pension though! Or maybe you could see a career coach or similar to figure out what job might be a better fit?

LuxOlente · 09/07/2021 11:03

@ssd

Ive only ever seen people who love their jobs on mn. Where are all these people??

Yes op its a bloody grind.

Software development. Solving problems, being creative, making things people really like, happy bosses, good pay, respected, good environments.

I'll basically recommend it to anyone. Easy to self-teach, too, and in the UK self-teaching is no barrier to a job.

vickylou78 · 09/07/2021 11:06

This is really sad! How old are you? Would it be possible to retrain and so something you've always dreamed of doing?
I love my career, I enjoy working and like the people I work with.
If I was you I'd seriously consider finding a different job or starting a new career path. Life is too short to dread every Monday.
Or stay in your job and just make peace with that you gave to work but that it's worth it to enjoy your evenings and weekends more.
Ask yourself would you really want to be unemployed with no money and nothing to look forward to at the weekends? Some people would probably Lok at your life and think you were the lucky one.
Hope you get something sorted X

hoven · 09/07/2021 11:09

It's not about loving your job but doing something you at least mildly enjoy. Yes if money wasn't an issue you probably wouldn't do it but then you would have the money to spend your time doing other things you enjoy. Life is ultimately crap and short. Work gives you something to do and fill your time with. If all you had is time to enjoy yourself it wouldn't be lesuire

IDreamOfLogCabins · 09/07/2021 11:10

I don't really enjoy my job but it pays well. I work full-time, and am also a carer to a disabled husband who cannot do much (brain injury). It feels quite joyless and relentless most of the time, but I try to appreciate many others have it much worse in terms of finances and/or caring responsibilities.

Current employer won't agree to reduced or condensed hours etc (citing business needs). Am just trying to focus on building up savings just now, so I can change jobs and go part-time in the future. That keeps me going, otherwise the thought of another 30 years of full-time work and being a carer is too depressing.

MyDcAreMarvel · 09/07/2021 11:11

I would hate that too op, I am self employed wfh and home educate my children. Going out to work everyday pre children made me very low.

sociallydistained · 09/07/2021 11:15

I get you. I work for someone who genuinely loves his job. I’m jealous. I think having a 100k job like him would help.

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