Office colleague not contributing

[BlueVixen]

AIBU in thinking the one person in our small office who didn't contribute towards a box of chocolates and a card for the cleaner shouldn't sign the birthday card. I suggested it in the office today and immediately two colleagues thought it was a good idea an put £2 in the 'pot'. Ended up with £8 (including my contribution). Enough to by a box of chocolates, a card and some wrapping paper. Showing a bit of appreciation. The cleaner is lovely. She cleans a whole building, not just our space, and is cheerful and personable and works hard. The colleague who didn't stump up £2 is not hard up. She and I are both pretty new in the office. She left the office whilst we were talking about it. I'm not sure what to do. Small problem - in the scheme of things but ........

It would give the cleaner pleasure to have more people sign the card, so she should sign. It's only a few quid from each of you, so seems a bit stingy to guard the card.

The contribution is really for the gift not the card; you have to accept that not everyone will want, or might not be financially able, to contribute to every gift in the office.

We have this. I used to do the collections and it's a real pain. I would let anyone sign contributed or not but a couple of colleagues think you shouldn't sign if you haven't paid but as has been said that can be a bit awkward for the recipient.
We have now stopped collections and just leave it ip to individuals if They want to buy something for someone.

While I think that if she's not hard up, it's a bit mean of her not to contribute, I think YABU in expecting her not to sign the card. The cleaner may value the good wishes just as much as the present. Also, I think one has to be careful to avoid situations where everyone will notice and judge who did and didn't contribute. Sooner or later, this will involve someone who is hard up or has some unexpected financial crisis: not something that people are necessarily going to wish to inform everyone at work about.

I work with over 75 people, and there's a collection every week for so and so's 46th birthday, their 7th child, 'their hamster died so we're sending some nice flowers' etc etc.

I've stopped giving any money, unless it's a big birthday or significant life event and I actually know and/or like the person, and even then it's a pound maximum cos I'm tight . I'll sign the card if asked though, cos I'm a CF .

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

@thedancingbear

so who else is not contributing ? Office of 6 minus her is 5 x2 = 10 pounds ? Unless it's too early form me this morning .

The cleaner, presumably?

It is early mind.

oh maybe 🤔

Yes but I am a better person for choosing to not try to coerce others into spending their money in a way that I dictate.
Coerced ?
The op is asking the protocol, no mention of isolating or demanding money from the colleague.
You sound like you think you're a cut above because you don't contribute to a team effort. Why not contribute to a team collection if you're going to buy something for that colleague anyway, other than to distinguish yourself from your colleagues and claim more credit for your actions.
Both options are fine, but be honest about what you are doing and don't try to crack on your a better person for it.

@ddl1

While I think that if she's not hard up, it's a bit mean of her not to contribute, I think YABU in expecting her not to sign the card. The cleaner may value the good wishes just as much as the present. Also, I think one has to be careful to avoid situations where everyone will notice and judge who did and didn't contribute. Sooner or later, this will involve someone who is hard up or has some unexpected financial crisis: not something that people are necessarily going to wish to inform everyone at work about.

Exactly this. Once you recognise that some people may be genuinely broke such that £2 is material to them, it then boils down to the OP judging whether someone is a ratbag or not for not contributing, based on what she knows about their circumstances. And presumably letting everyone in the office know her decision. It sounds pretty toxic to me.

Also, what's wrong with 'I don't really know x so I'm not going to give her money, but I'd be glad to wish her happy birthday by signing her card'?

To add:

(1) If it was a big workplace, I could understand if 'them's the rules' about only signing if you've contributed. But if there are just 6 people in the office, and everyone signs it except one person, then it may give the cleaner the impression that this person is deliberately slighting her. Not fair to the cleaner; and risks stirring up trouble between colleagues.

(2) This is slightly derailing the thread; but for those who say that they only contribute/ collect for 'big' 'significant' birthdays: I hope that you are only doing so for people who have indicated that they are celebrating these. For some people, having their work colleagues make a 'thing' of their age would be much worse than getting no card or present at all.

Many people simply have a principle of not donating, because the one-off little collection for the cleaner so often snowballs into weekly collections for birthdays, weddings, new babies, promotions and so on, with ever-greater amounts requested or expected. So whilst declining to give £2 now for the cleaner might seem petty, I do sort of understand why some people have a hard line about it.

This is exactly my policy - that office collections can so easily spiral into a "racket" where some profit from multiple presents and others get nothing, although they are always contributing. I worked in a large organization where I absolutely refused to contribute for these reasons and was quite vocal about it. I know I also influenced other colleagues in my office who firmly shut their purses and said "I dont know this person" when the begging bowl came around.

All too often office presentations are used to morally bully those who do not want/cannot afford to be shelling out every week from a small salary or minimum wage. One of my young grandnieces was actually told "go to the cash machine" when she said she had no money for a collection. I encouraged her to complain to HR about feeling bullied.

When I became a manager I forbade organized collections of this kind - except for exceptional circumstances. If people wish to give a small gift to a colleague they should do it privately and not go hounding everyone else.

I also find collections for cleaners etc more than a little patronising. It looks like one tranche of staff putting themselves on a higher social level than another when they are all employed by the same organization.

I also find collections for cleaners etc more than a little patronising. It looks like one tranche of staff putting themselves on a higher social level than another when they are all employed by the same organization.

True if you only collect for the cleaners, etc. But if you collect for each other's birthdays anyway, surely it's only proper to include the cleaner in the collections?

I was never forgiven by pathetic people when I didn't contribute.

Like the ops colleague I was new. Was told everyone else is contributing. It's only a couple of pounds. Everyone likes Tim. You can afford it. Tight, mean and more.

I was not allowed to sign the card. We was in the staffroom (recipient different lunch) someone handed the card and someone else came along and took it, saying you contribute here if you want thanks.

The few times I had any interaction with nice Tim I was always convinced I must be seeing their twin, as all he did was dish the dirt and say nasty things about people. But in front of everyone he was all smiles and laughter.

YANBU- people don't get to sign if they didn't contribute.

I organise the birthday collection on my team and a colleague owes me about £10 from last year after saying she wanted to do it and would pay me back. She's out of the collection club and I never put her name on anything. Just don't me be it- a couple aren't and I couldn't care less. Just don't be a cf

@userrnamemn

YABU! I cannot believe you’d even expect a contribution towards an £8 box of chocolates. I’d buy it and let everyone just sign the card…

Me too

Some religious people also don't celebrate their own birthdays never mind someone elses.

@christyt114

You don't contribute, you don't sign the card.

Themz da rulez

This ^

The office didn't buy cleaner a card and chocolates, you and your 3 colleagues did
Other colleague went out of office after hearing you discuss it. She's feee yo but her own card for cleaner
If you think for the cleaner- it's be nice to have everyone's name on the card, by all means go ahead & ask her to sign it. She's new like you so you don't know her well enough. But if she never contributes to anything , I'd be leaving her off card signing . As no one said how much, she could put jn50p , that's what I do when I don't have much change or im short of money or have / donation fatigue , bc it's more fair otherwise

If she didn't put in I wouldn't ask her to sign the card.

If she asked to sign the card I would say "sure".

If the card signing was going on in front of her, I would say "did you want to add a message, tightwad ?"

@comebacksunshines

Yes but I am a better person for choosing to not try to coerce others into spending their money in a way that I dictate. Coerced ? The op is asking the protocol, no mention of isolating or demanding money from the colleague. You sound like you think you're a cut above because you don't contribute to a team effort. Why not contribute to a team collection if you're going to buy something for that colleague anyway, other than to distinguish yourself from your colleagues and claim more credit for your actions. Both options are fine, but be honest about what you are doing and don't try to crack on your a better person for it.

‘Team effort’ - and there we have it. That if I don’t choose to contribute my own cash to the group collection, you will judge me as not being a team player at work. Coercive bullying BS. How I choose to spend my £ has no bearing on my ability to be an emotionally generous co-worker.

And to clarify, if I buy someone who I work with a gift, I don’t give it to them in front of others. I don’t do it for ‘credit’ or to ‘distinguish’ myself. I do it because I like the person. It’s about private friendship in a workplace setting. In fact, if I am friends with the recipient, I definitely don’t want to contribute to a collective effort including office randoms. It’s just so impersonal.

@userrnamemn

YABU! I cannot believe you’d even expect a contribution towards an £8 box of chocolates. I’d buy it and let everyone just sign the card…

Oh frig off!

I’ve contributed to office birthday collections before. They’ve always been anonymous and I haven’t told anyone how much I’ve contributed. That seems to me to be a much better system, although probably it’s more obvious in a small team like the OP is part of if someone doesn’t contribute anything.

When I’ve received cards and presents in the past, it hasn’t occurred to me to wonder which team members have contributed.

And the more birthday messages and signatures the better surely? It’s nice for the recipient to feel appreciated.

@SpeakingFranglais

She doesn’t sign the card. Not petty, she didn’t want to acknowledge the cleaner’s birthday.

That sounds churlish and pathetic. Why does not chipping in for a present mean that colleague doesn't want to acknowledge the cleaner's birthday?

Signing the card should be open to all.

I'm glad that I've been remote working for the last 15 years. I don't have to get involved in this petty office nonsense. Our office wasn't like that anyway even pre-covid. Envelope for money was sent around with the card, Anybody could sign and put in money if they wanted to. No compunction or silent, sneery judgement.

I've come to the conclusion that I work for a very nice company actually.

Everything that CaptainCaveMum has said. I do my present buying and giving anyway from snoopy eyes.

I'd hate to work with some of you on this thread.

If you don't contribute you don't sign.

‘Team effort’ - and there we have it
Hate to break it to you, but if you have colleagues, then you are part of a team.
But carry on believing you are more special than your colleagues, because you are not contributing to a group collection.

Snoopy eyes

More like it’s easier and cheaper to stick a few quid in an envelope. If I’m v close to a work colleague they will get more money in their envelope.