Page 5 | Office colleague not contributing

BlueVixen · 2021-07-08T21:13:02+00:00

AIBU in thinking the one person in our small office who didn't contribute towards a box of chocolates and a card for the cleaner shouldn't sign the birthday card. I suggested it in the office today and immediately two colleagues thought it was a good idea an put £2 in the 'pot'. Ended up with £8 (including my contribution). Enough to by a box of chocolates, a card and some wrapping paper. Showing a bit of appreciation. The cleaner is lovely. She cleans a whole building, not just our space, and is cheerful and personable and works hard. The colleague who didn't stump up £2 is not hard up. She and I are both pretty new in the office. She left the office whilst we were talking about it. I'm not sure what to do. Small problem - in the scheme of things but ........

Skinnytailedsquirrel · 09/07/2021 08:12

In one of my previous jobs it often became my chose to do a collection (which is not a nice job to do). If someone doesn't contribute then no, of course they shouldn't sign the card.

stayathomer · 09/07/2021 08:12

There's times in life you suck things up, I think the is sone of them. Maybe she didn't have the money with her, maybe she didn't hear. And I hate people saying they know people have money, nobody nobody knows what people's outgoings are. I worked in a n extremely wealthy place when we were gasping for money. People would have seen nice car (bought second hand on hire purchase and needed because we lived rurally), great job and not known we were paying my entire wage on childcare and struggling to pay a mortgage monthly. I skipped coffee breaks ('I've work to do' was what I'd say) and would bring in lunch all the time. There were times I'd stand in front of the vending machine and talk myself down from buying something because if I went to the supermarket later we might be short this much. When there was an office lunch out planned I'd say I had to meet somebody, same with nights out. Given it's two pound it is more likely not this but just all the people saying people are cheap etc, you just don't know

DinosaurDiana · 09/07/2021 08:13

We would put her name on the card.

comebacksunshines · 09/07/2021 08:20

It’s fine not to contribute to a collection, but I wouldn’t let her sign the card.
IME of working in offices, it’s usually the ones with money that don’t cough up.

Justcallmebebes · 09/07/2021 08:22

You sign the card to wish someone a happy birthday, a collection is if you want to contribute to a present as well. They are separate things.

^ Yes, but someone has to buy the card in the first place. We have this argument at our place. Why should you sign card if you're not contributing?

AbsolutelyPatsy · 09/07/2021 08:24

ask her if she wants to sign, dont be mean spirited. 6 of you in an office? have you spent all the money or will you have spare?

AbsolutelyPatsy · 09/07/2021 08:24

what did they do before you started working there?

RB68 · 09/07/2021 08:27

I would just put it from those that contributed. I stopped contributing to things a few years before I left work, after two big events for me went unrecognised but recognised for others. I wasn't bothered in the least by not signing cards as I saw it they didn't give a fuck about me so.... I decided it was all bollocks and didn't want anything to do with it

SingaporeSlinky · 09/07/2021 08:30

In our office, someone buys the card and passes it around in an A4 envelope, with ‘collection and card for x’s wedding, please return to z’ written on the front. So when it comes back, you’ve got all the messages and whatever anonymous donations all done. I’ve seen some people sign without donating, but never questioned if that’s because they didn’t have cash, had donation fatigue, or just didn’t want to contribute.

We used whatever was in the envelope to repay the person who bought the card (if necessary) and buy the gift.

If it was agreed by everyone beforehand, maybe just ask her if she still wants to contribute or not. Is anyone actually out of pocket? Like has someone had to pay more for a certain box of chocolates? If so, you could tell her that “oh I think you still owe me the £2 because I had to put in extra to buy them”.

LookItsMeAgain · 09/07/2021 08:42

Let her sign the card.
If it's no biggie for her not to have contributed, it's no biggie to let her sign the card.

Also, I would tend to donate to an office collection if I knew someone was leaving (retirement/resignation/maternity leave) or if it was a birthday (and only the significant ones). Not really done for 'just to say thanks and we appreciate you'...because that could be opening up a whole can of worms about what you do decide to collect for.

comebacksunshines · 09/07/2021 08:43

@AbsolutelyPatsy

ask her if she wants to sign, dont be mean spirited. 6 of you in an office? have you spent all the money or will you have spare?

It’s the work colleague being mean spirited. Don’t have to contribute, but then you don’t sign the card.

IcedSpice · 09/07/2021 08:43

@cadburyegg

YABU. I can’t stand the expectation that you’ll contribute to collections in offices often for colleagues you don’t know that well. One bonus in working from home. That being said my work didn’t do them for birthdays unless it was a big one.

But if you don't contribute then you don't get to take credit.

You don't get to be pissy about it either ( when there are not financial issues )

SmokeyDevil · 09/07/2021 08:55

@stayathomer

There's times in life you suck things up, I think the is sone of them. Maybe she didn't have the money with her, maybe she didn't hear. And I hate people saying they know people have money, nobody nobody knows what people's outgoings are. I worked in a n extremely wealthy place when we were gasping for money. People would have seen nice car (bought second hand on hire purchase and needed because we lived rurally), great job and not known we were paying my entire wage on childcare and struggling to pay a mortgage monthly. I skipped coffee breaks ('I've work to do' was what I'd say) and would bring in lunch all the time. There were times I'd stand in front of the vending machine and talk myself down from buying something because if I went to the supermarket later we might be short this much. When there was an office lunch out planned I'd say I had to meet somebody, same with nights out. Given it's two pound it is more likely not this but just all the people saying people are cheap etc, you just don't know

Not the point of this thread, but as you were struggling for money, why did you continue to pay a lot each month for a nice car when you could barely pay your mortgage and for food? I get you need a car, but a cheap run around even bought with a small loan would probably be less per month than hire purchase on a car considered nice.

Skinnytailedsquirrel · 09/07/2021 09:00

I'm quite glad I work in my lovely office, where everyone gets a card and cake on their birthday, paid for by work (people can opt out). That includes our cleaner, the maintenance guy and people on year long contracts.

I'd hate to work in an office like that and it surely doesn't mean anything to receive when it's all organised and you know what's expected.

The height of absurdity was when I worked in an office (family business) where the previous PA organised birthday collections for the OWNERS. Once I got settled in I spoke to them and they agreed it was completely OTT. The other staff were so relieved to have the ridiculousness stopped.

comebacksunshines · 09/07/2021 09:06

Let her sign the card.
If it's no biggie for her not to have contributed, it's no biggie to let her sign the card.
What if everyone took the same attitude and no one contributed anything ?
It's absolutely fine not to contribute to a work collection, because they're not your thing, you don't like the colleague etc..
But it creates animosity amongst the people that do.
Fair enough if you've got no cash on you that day, but often those people are usually the ones that always do it and expect to sign the card, you get to know who they are fairly quickly.

MaMelon · 09/07/2021 09:11

We circulate a big envelope containing a card for signing and adding money to - that way you only get to sign the card if you’ve put money into it. We don’t have a suggested amount - some put in change, others put in notes - you just add your name to the front of the envy to tick you’ve seen it.

CaptainCaveMum · 09/07/2021 09:15

Clearly I’m a sociopath according to half of MN

I never contribute to office collections. If I want to buy a gift for someone I do it myself. I don’t need to make a public performance out of it. If there’s a card doing the rounds, I’ll sign it if asked. If someone wants to be pissy about it, I’m not bothered. I’ll get my own card, or just, you know, speak to the person and say ‘hey, happy birthday/anniversary or congratulations.’

@BlueVixen
If anyone chose to highlight my choices and suggest I was stingy or not a team player, I’d suggest to my boss that they were a petty bully who needs to focus on the job in hand, rather than being a self-appointed arbiter of moral worth. You say you are relatively new to this job. But you are trying to impose your views on to office culture and trying to alienate your colleagues from this one co-worker. Leave her alone. Do your job.

Oh and no need to patronise the cleaner with your cheap chocolate middle class guilt.

Dishwashersaurous · 09/07/2021 09:16

If she didn't contribute then she doesn't sign the card. Simple

PatchworkElmer · 09/07/2021 09:21

Has she actually asked to sign the card though? She could just want to opt out of the whole thing.

Wrotten · 09/07/2021 09:21

She doesn't have to contribute.

But, keep it in mind when there's a collection for her...

GaspGulpScream · 09/07/2021 09:29

Perhaps she wants to give her a separate present, just from her? She hasn't asked to sign it so there is nothing to discuss at the moment. Poor woman being judge for something that hasn't happened yet

comebacksunshines · 09/07/2021 09:40

I never contribute to office collections. If I want to buy a gift for someone I do it myself. I don’t need to make a public performance out of it.
You're making more of a performance out of it by choosing to separate yourself from a team collection, that would give you relative anonymity.
Team efforts usually collect more money, so recipient gets a better present.
Both options are fine, but you're not a better person for choosing to buy a separate present, that your post implies.

CaptainCaveMum · 09/07/2021 09:55

@comebacksunshines

I never contribute to office collections. If I want to buy a gift for someone I do it myself. I don’t need to make a public performance out of it. You're making more of a performance out of it by choosing to separate yourself from a team collection, that would give you relative anonymity. Team efforts usually collect more money, so recipient gets a better present. Both options are fine, but you're not a better person for choosing to buy a separate present, that your post implies.

Yes but I am a better person for choosing to not try to coerce others into spending their money in a way that I dictate.

And I am a better person for choosing not to isolate a new co-worker from her colleagues with my performance gift-giving.

stayathomer · 09/07/2021 09:57

Not the point of this thread, but as you were struggling for money, why did you continue to pay a lot each month for a nice car when you could barely pay your mortgage and for food? I get you need a car, but a cheap run around even bought with a small loan would probably be less per month than hire purchase on a car considered nice.
We couldn't get a loan unfortunately and sorry, when I say nice car it was a small skoda but nice looking iykwim. Cheapest we could get. We'd bought 2 cars previous to this within 3 years and couldn't afford servicing them, both constantly broke down. And we needed a car because we lived very rural, nearest shop was 15 mins drive, nearest house 2 fields away!!!

Backhills · 09/07/2021 10:00

I wouldn't expect to sign the card if I hadn't contributed and sometimes I don't, for reasons ranging from, I forgot, didn't have any change, don't support the cause, or feel it would be two faced as I don't actually like the person.

If I'd arranged the card though, I'd just leave it out for people to sign, without thinking too much about who had the right.