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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Office colleague not contributing

184 replies

BlueVixen · 08/07/2021 22:13

AIBU in thinking the one person in our small office who didn't contribute towards a box of chocolates and a card for the cleaner shouldn't sign the birthday card. I suggested it in the office today and immediately two colleagues thought it was a good idea an put £2 in the 'pot'. Ended up with £8 (including my contribution). Enough to by a box of chocolates, a card and some wrapping paper. Showing a bit of appreciation. The cleaner is lovely. She cleans a whole building, not just our space, and is cheerful and personable and works hard. The colleague who didn't stump up £2 is not hard up. She and I are both pretty new in the office. She left the office whilst we were talking about it. I'm not sure what to do. Small problem - in the scheme of things but ........

OP posts:
FlyingBattie · 09/07/2021 06:32

I wanted to add maybe she is sick of collections! Our self-appointed officer collector (referred to upthread) has just this year tried to fleece everyone for:
10 birthdays (non milestone)
A wedding (fair enough I suppose)
2 baby showers
Gifts for the aforementioned 2 babies after birth
a colleagues daughters 18th (!!)
A leaving gift
2 housewarming gifts
and on and on....
...it's just endless in some places and you do have to draw a line quite firmly as to what you will and will not contribute too. The "suggested" fiver for birthdays alone easily can add up if you have 10+ people in your office.

Original poster
BlueVixen · 09/07/2021 06:40

Don't think she's broke if she's buying a 30k car. I'd hardly need (or want/ask) to see bank statements for £2!!! She's not at all religious - we've talked about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueVixen · 09/07/2021 06:42

Battie. We are an office of only 6 and really only do birthdays so don't think 'donation fatigue' is a problem.

OP posts:
User5827372728 · 09/07/2021 06:45

I don’t bother carrying change around any more as no one accepts it so maybe she didn’t have any cash on her, was new a bit embarrassed so left as felt awks not to contribute and didn’t know you well enough to feel happy saying so

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2021 06:46

A colleague's daughter's 18th
Shock

BatshitCrazyWoman · 09/07/2021 06:50

I'm quite glad I work in my lovely office, where everyone gets a card and cake on their birthday, paid for by work (people can opt out). That includes our cleaner, the maintenance guy and people on year long contracts.

savvy7 · 09/07/2021 06:52

I think you just have to accept that people feel differently about office collections. I've been asked if I want to contribute to a leaving collection within a few days of starting a new job when I have no idea who said person is and probably never will.

If you are the person initiating the collection, then just accept whatever contributions come in and don't be petty about it. And if you like the recipient enough to start off the collection, then maybe throw in more than £2.

TheSunShinesBrighter · 09/07/2021 06:53

@BlueVixen

Don't think she's broke if she's buying a 30k car. I'd hardly need (or want/ask) to see bank statements for £2!!! She's not at all religious - we've talked about it.
Has it crossed your mind that she just didn’t want to be part of it?
TheSunShinesBrighter · 09/07/2021 06:54

@StealthPolarBear

A colleague's daughter's 18th Shock
WTH?! 🤣
Beautiful3 · 09/07/2021 06:58

Last place I worked, only allowed you to sign the card after you contributed. It was actually locked away. Good.idea.

purplesequins · 09/07/2021 07:01

yabu
I rarely contribute to office things.
once you start it sometimes takes over and a considerable expectation creeps up.

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2021 07:02

My dad retired last year. My colleagues didn't give me any money towards a gift for him . Its almost like they didn't care (or in fact know).

AbsolutelyPatsy · 09/07/2021 07:04

she might not celebrate birthdays?
she might have no cash.
she might not want to be bullied into parting with her £2

Original poster
BlueVixen · 09/07/2021 07:07

I can assure you Patsy, she was not 'bullied' in the slightest!!!!!

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 09/07/2021 07:09

Some people are just tight. No need for the speculation that she could be broke, controlled although I appreciate it does happen. In my former workplace my colleague who I'll call Simon used to conveniently never have change was always (without fail) the first to the cakes that people bought on their birthdays but never contributed a bean. F U Simon ! Grin

3Britnee · 09/07/2021 07:11

If you didn't make a contribution, then the card/present isn't from you so you don't get to put your name on it and take credit for it and thought of as nice etc by the recipient, imo. I wouldn't let her sign it.

Dinosaurballoon · 09/07/2021 07:13

“You don't contribute, you don't sign the card.

Themz da rulez”

I agree tbh

SpiderinaWingMirror · 09/07/2021 07:14

Any collection back in the day, I would send round with the card to sign and an envelope for collection to go in. Anyone who wanted to sign and or contribute could.
Life is too short to sweat over this stuff. Just leave the card on a desk and invite people to sign.

Doghead · 09/07/2021 07:15

Definitely shouldn't sign the card.

She might have a 'policy' of not contributing, which is fine, but if that's the case then she's shouldn't be signing the card.

Doghead · 09/07/2021 07:17

@purplesequins

yabu I rarely contribute to office things. once you start it sometimes takes over and a considerable expectation creeps up.
And that's absolutely fine. But you can't then expect to sign the card
SpeakingFranglais · 09/07/2021 07:20

She doesn’t sign the card. Not petty, she didn’t want to acknowledge the cleaner’s birthday.

thedancingbear · 09/07/2021 07:20

@BlueVixen

I can assure you Patsy, she was not 'bullied' in the slightest!!!!!
I would very much like to hear the other side of this one.

Bitching about colleagues on social media, presumably using a work device, could be a sacking offence, couldn't it, OP?

Fucking leave her alone.

thedancingbear · 09/07/2021 07:21

@savvy7

I think you just have to accept that people feel differently about office collections. I've been asked if I want to contribute to a leaving collection within a few days of starting a new job when I have no idea who said person is and probably never will.

If you are the person initiating the collection, then just accept whatever contributions come in and don't be petty about it. And if you like the recipient enough to start off the collection, then maybe throw in more than £2.

Exactly this. And don't use it to bully and stigmatise those who don't want to contribute.
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 09/07/2021 07:22

@StealthPolarBear

A colleague's daughter's 18th Shock
Now that is ridiculous.

This thread has reminded me of how wonderful the last place in London I worked at was. There would be cards signed by everyone for birthdays and other important occasions, but the cards and any appropriate presents bought would be paid for by the company! Anyhow, in other places I've worked, I would only sign a card if I'd contributed to the whip-round, it didn't seem fair otherwise, particularly as I often wouldn't know the person involved as I was frequently an office temp!

kowari · 09/07/2021 07:22

Any collection back in the day, I would send round with the card to sign and an envelope for collection to go in. Anyone who wanted to sign and or contribute could.
This is what we do, though collections are only for major life events, cards for birthdays. Plenty of space on the card for everyone to write birthday wishes Smile.