Office colleague not contributing

[BlueVixen]

AIBU in thinking the one person in our small office who didn't contribute towards a box of chocolates and a card for the cleaner shouldn't sign the birthday card. I suggested it in the office today and immediately two colleagues thought it was a good idea an put £2 in the 'pot'. Ended up with £8 (including my contribution). Enough to by a box of chocolates, a card and some wrapping paper. Showing a bit of appreciation. The cleaner is lovely. She cleans a whole building, not just our space, and is cheerful and personable and works hard. The colleague who didn't stump up £2 is not hard up. She and I are both pretty new in the office. She left the office whilst we were talking about it. I'm not sure what to do. Small problem - in the scheme of things but ........

To be clear, I wouldn't sign a card I hadn't contributed for.
What does she owe you for her share of the card then? You can buy a nice card for a quid. Surely there is plenty of space in the card for everyone to write something anyway, it doesn't cost you anymore if one person signs it or ten.

Or is it her B’day?

I used to work in a place that would have a massive envelope passed around and the self appointed collector (same woman every time and she collected for EVERYTHING) would write on there your exact contribution! So hard because I was skint at that time. It would be like:
Colleague a: £5
Colleague B: £5
FlyingBattie: £1... etc.

Bizarre!

Then how does the recipient know who the gift is from? Or do they not need to know?

The cleaner might value well wishes more than chocolates.

A card isn't 'proof' of who paid for the present, it's a way of giving somebody good wishes.

Unless you think that signing a card has no value, YABU.

@FlyingBattie I don't contribute under those circumstances. We have a woman from another department who doesn't note amounts, but does ask directly so you have to say yes or no. I only donate if it's pass the envelope style as I feel it should be no pressure and anonymous.

YANBU. She didn’t contribute so she doesn’t get to sign the card.

@Viviennemary

A birthday card for the office cleaner. How does anybody even know when her birthday is. But if your colleague doesn't contribute then she shouldn't sign the card. It's a bit over the top IMHO.

Do you acknowledge your colleagues birthdays? Or just those who are important to you, rather than ‘the office cleaner’?

Would it have been possible to circulate a card and collection envelope more widely, given that the cleaner cleans the whole building? Or a memo that if anyone wants to sign the card or give a donation towards a present then see BlueVixen in office A? I don't know if your office has anything to do with the rest of the building or not though.

No contribution, you don’t sign the card. That has always been the rule in offices, in my experience.

If you do not wish to contribute, why would you want to pass good wishes on to the person?

I only sign the card if I've contributed money for the collection. That's just good manners surely?

Although I only don't contribute if I dislike the person the collection is for and that's only happened once!

What cat lover says

I used to judge people who don’t contribute to stuff like this until I met a colleague who was in a very controlling abusive relationship . They appeared to have outward displays of wealth . Nice car , house , clothes . In reality she didn’t have any money as her dh controlled everything. She couldn’t even go for a cup of coffee . All designed to keep her isolated and prevent her from forming friendships

YABU.

I work in an office and to put it nicely have had enough of collections and the expectation of putting in for the many different collections and charity’s that my work insist on us participating in.

Nobody knows somebody’s financial situation down to a T and it is nobody at work’s business if I choose not to put into a collection or charity pot.

I sat down once and worked out the average number of collections and charity pots one year that I was expected to contribute to and it totalled well over £300 and to me that is absolutely absurd, especially with COVID and many home situations being thrown into disarray. This doesn’t include the meals that I’m also expected to attend for any occasion that my work seem to think needs one for.

I know my place though and I simply just don’t participate unless it is for somebody or something that I feel strongly about. That’s no message in a card, no money, nothing.

I’ll offer my own personal verbal message to the person if needed but apart from that, I don’t agree with being expected to put in a fiver or tenner here and there.

I have a rough financial home life at the moment and I just simply can’t afford to put in to anything without then having to worry about what will have to fall short at home because there are 5 different collections/charity pots a week.

Sorry for rambling!

I’ve also made it quite clear to colleagues that I do not want a collection or meal for myself for birthdays or events etc.

I think she should be allowed to put a message in the card. You don't know anyone's financial situation and if everyone else is happy to contribute because you are doing it so the cleaner can be recognised, surely the more messages in the card the better. Its stingy to deprive the cleaner of a message because someone didn't contribute a measly £2.

If you contribute to the gift you sign the card. If not you don't. That's the rule.

Everyone saying that it is nice for the cleaner to think all colleagues have signed or contributed, what if there are ten people who sign but give nothing to the present fund, wouldn't that make you feel worse to think many people had only contributed pennies?!

I would much rather feel really valued by few than under valued by many.

A birthday card for the office cleaner. How does anybody even know when her birthday is.
What a charmer you are! Best not to talk to ‘them’ as you don’t want the riff-raff getting above themselves, do you?

How you treat the cleaners in your workplace say a lot about the person.
Very, very true. Well said!

Can't you just put
"Happy Birthday and Best Wishes from Floor 4" and not expand the energy fretting about it ?

I do get that in some work places there are collections all the time, and totally understand people finding it easier to say they don't want to get involved from the beginning rather than giving to a few and then it being difficult to say "no" further down the line. You say it won't happen all the time, but you say there are 6 of you in the office, so that's 6 birthdays (okay, 5 not counting your own) plus sympathy cards, engagements, weddings, get wells, having a baby, etc, before you move on to people - like the cleaner - that staff don't actually even know. I am totally understanding of someone just saying from the beginning they don't want to get involved.

A bit of advice: don’t take on the job of organising collections in the office. It takes up too much time and emotional energy and marks you out as a bit of a lightweight.

It's a bit embarrassing if you thank people for the gift and they haven't contributed. Who do you know who to thank? Well, the people who have signed the card obviously. So, no contribution, no signing. In this case though it sounds like the non-contributor doesn't want anything to do with it anyway.

This person is single so no controlling partner. She was very present when the decision was made to mark the occasion. We do all know the cleaner. We have a chat and a laugh when she is cleaning the office, emptying the bins etc. and she's always cheerful and ready with a smile. She often goes above and beyond, too. We are a very separate 'pod' from the rest of the building so collections outside our office is a no no. Yes, we recognise the other colleagues birthdays which only amounts to 6 of us (one is currently on holiday) so it's not an endless, expensive thing to do. And all of us are beyond child bearing age! so no baby cards/gifts. Also, we don't get involved in charity dressing up days as we are in a particular profession where it would be very inappropriate (thank goodness, I hate dressing up! But I do donate regardless). Thanks for all the comments.

@FlyingBattie

I used to work in a place that would have a massive envelope passed around and the self appointed collector (same woman every time and she collected for EVERYTHING) would write on there your exact contribution! So hard because I was skint at that time. It would be like: Colleague a: £5 Colleague B: £5 FlyingBattie: £1... etc.

Bizarre!

I came across this once and thought it odd... Then I discovered ... It was a large office... As money had gone missing previously ... But it was a huge office and it wasn't unusual to have £100 + rattling around.

But I agree it could appear a bit shaming!

How do you know she’s not broke? Does everyone who works there have to show you their last 6 months of bank statements? None of your bloody business.

Maybe she doesn’t celebrate birthdays for religious reasons. Has she said she wants to sign the card or are you just assuming she will?