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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - my partner wants to watch the football with his mate when I’m having the baby on Tuesday?

184 replies

AmiSum · 08/07/2021 21:50

Please can you help with this because I’m being told I’m being unreasonable? My partner’s best mate wants to go and watch the final on Sunday in Liverpool (we live 45 minutes away). Ive said that’s fine but please can he limit himself to 3 or 4 pints as I’m booked in for a section on Tuesday morning (he normally has 2 day hangovers).
I was so happy a couple of days ago as he’d said he’d booked the Monday off work and we could have a nice day together - I know the nerves will have really kicked in by then. Deep down I’m gutted that he’s even asked to go out on the Sunday in the first place but I’m not prepared to say he can’t go, just that please can he limit himself so that he’s not got a hangover on the Monday, and especially not the Tuesday. Apparently I’m doing his head in by going on about it though. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and to know if I’m just being a pregnant crank! X

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 09/07/2021 07:31

@AmiSum

Thanks for your responses! I hadn’t even considered the covid isolation threat as he works in a restaurant, so will be in that environment until Saturday night anyway. We’ve got our covid tests booked for Sunday morning x
My dd is having surgery on Tuesday, we’ve been told the whole household must isolate once the covid tests have been done. Surely having them done Sunday am and then going out with friends defeats them object of the testing.
Husbandno5 · 09/07/2021 07:32

I think YABU.
-It’s 2 whole days before.
-He’s already said he won’t drink more than 4 pints.
-England have not been in a final of a major tournament for 55 years!!!!
-If you’re having an elective section and it’s your first kid it’s unlikely (but not impossible) to come early. How many weeks are you?

  • If he does have a hangover - he has the whole of Monday to get over it! He’s just gonna have to man up about this.
  • it’s coming home!!!
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 09/07/2021 07:33

My mouth is hanging to my knees (and that's a long distance via my huge boobs) at your post, @AmiSum. I can't think of anything to say that isn't WTAF, why on earth are you putting up with this shit, if he's like this now, what the hell kind of a father is he going to be? that isn't desperately unhelpful in your circumstances.
Good luck with everything.
Oh, and no, you are most definitely not being at all unreasonable.

Husbandno5 · 09/07/2021 07:35

Obvs if you are instructed to isolate then he should definitely do that.

SnottyLottie · 09/07/2021 07:35

At my hospital you’re meant to isolate immediately from the covid swab right until you come in for surgery. As your birth partner he is required to do the same. The nurses will tell you this when you go in. So just stay quiet about it until you have the swab. Then he will be told. Then you can tell him it’s either go to the football or be present at the baby’s birth.

Cakequeen1988 · 09/07/2021 07:40

Have you called the hospital? What did they say and what has he said when presented with the information that he should isolate (which he definitely should after the Covid test)

lovelybitofsquirrell · 09/07/2021 07:41

@Azerothi

Do you think your boyfriend really booked Monday off because he wanted to go to the football and get drunk?
This
StrongLegs · 09/07/2021 07:48

I'm sorry, but he sounds truly awful. Why is he even thinking of going, let along drinking?

singlehun · 09/07/2021 07:49

What does he think he's having the COVID test for? Of course he needs to isolate afterwards.

Only you know if you can trust him on the 3-4 pints though. Some people aren't incapable of limiting themselves (so I hear, I'm not one of them!)

StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 09/07/2021 07:55

He's a selfish prick and YANBU.

I love football. Used to have a season ticket for my team and go to loads of away matches. I'd love to be at the pub getting pissed and having a laugh with mates whilst watching it. I can't. I have two kids. Oh well! It's absolutely fine- I can enjoy watching it at home with them instead. I'm pretty sure you don't plan on forcing him to watch countryfile or something whilst the match is on. Why can't he watch it at home?

StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 09/07/2021 07:59

I'm not sure about the attendance. For a football fan, it is quite literally the biggest game in their lifetime. People here will dismiss it as something unimportant, but think of something that's important to you and then think of it being a one off, never to be repeated event.

I'm pretty sure the OP has a tv he could watch it on?

Yes it's great being with your mates and watching it at the pub. But guess what, life and responsibility means you can't enjoy everything as easily as you did when single and carefree.

And even as a massive football fan, I'm still laughing the comment about this being the biggest game in their lifetime. Agreed, but I'd say most people would rate having a baby right up there with rare and important lifetime events. Unless you're Boris Johnson.

leafygarden42 · 09/07/2021 08:06

Why is it obligatory to drink lots of alcohol to watch a football game?

BumbleFlump · 09/07/2021 08:07

He shouldn’t be drinking. Bottom line. By all means he can still go and watch it as he’ll only be 45 mins away but he cant risk drinking that close to delivery - c-section aside, when is your actual due date?

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 09/07/2021 08:07

If my partner turned up hungover to my caesarian he would be finding a new home. There is no way I would be dealing with that kind of shit.

Persipan · 09/07/2021 08:16

If, as seems very likely, you're both required to isolate from the point of your covid tests on Sunday until you go into the hospital, then he clearly can't do this. And if he does, it's really important you make the hospital aware, even if that means he can't be present, or that your surgery had to be rescheduled, or that you both have to be presumed as having covid and treated according to the hospital's protocols in that scenario. It's not just about whether you're prepared to take the risk that you or your baby could contract covid; it's that you'd be taking that risk for everyone else there, without them even knowing or being able to make their own judgements about it.

Sunshineandflipflops · 09/07/2021 08:16

When I was expecting my first child, I was rushed into hospital 9 weeks early with bleeding. It calmed down but they wouldn't let me go home as my blood pressure rocketed. That evening my (soon to be ex) husband went round to my friend's house and drank most of a bottle of wine as he assumed I'd be home the following morning. In the middle of the night I had a massive bleed and was rushed to theatre to deliver our baby by c section.

He got a call from the hospital and made it just in time for her to be delivered but would have been in trouble if the police had pulled him over. His only saving grace was that it was very early hours of the morning and quiet. He also got paralytic when I was almost 8 months pregnant with our 2nd as it was his birthday party so why shouldn't he. He ended up pissing the bed and I slept on the sofa. Our son was born a coupe of weeks later so I guess I was lucky that time...

Anyway, we are divorcing as I was never going to be as important as his social life and I was fed up of trying.

On anther note, my partner had an operation a few weeks ago and had to self isolate for 10 days prior, and have a PCR. He was even told off for me taking him to hospital for his op (not sure how else he was supposed to get there without coming into contact with anyone else though and I did a let flow test first) so I think your dp going out to watch the football after a PCR and a couple of days before you go into hospital is wreckless and selfish for all the other people in there.

YeokensYegg · 09/07/2021 08:17

YANBU

Try to get him up moving around the days after the game so he won't be a slug the entire time.
He shouldn't be going at all but I don't think he'll miss the game.

Have you both been vaccinated?

strawberrydonuts · 09/07/2021 08:20

Surely you should both be isolating before going into hospital

stayathomer · 09/07/2021 08:21

I can't think of anything to say that isn't WTAF, why on earth are you putting up with this shit, if he's like this now, what the hell kind of a father is he going to be?
I don't agree with this. Parenthood is a shock to people. In years to come whether he goes or not he'll be saying 'I can't believe I did that.' We had all these plans before we had our first, sometimes people just don't realise it is the hugest thing. We had plans to go visiting basically around the day the baby was due and people were saying 'whoah, maybe hold off'. We went camping a few weeks before, I told dh to go off with his mates for one last hurrah and then went into labour as he was planning it. I told my manager I'd be back early from maternity, his manager convinced him to take longer off after the baby. I think he's just a bit deluded that's all, as we all can be, and thinks he can cram this one in

NCBlossom · 09/07/2021 08:23

YANBU honestly a baby trumps the bloody match! And your support now is paramount. He can watch it with you at home.

I think he’s being selfish.

My friend watched the England match last week and now five of them have Covid - caught from a positive case that evening - all double vaccinated.

NCBlossom · 09/07/2021 08:26

I'm not sure about the attendance. For a football fan, it is quite literally the biggest game in their lifetime. People here will dismiss it as something unimportant, but think of something that's important to you and then think of it being a one off, never to be repeated event.

Mmm… let me think… the biggest event in my lifetime, not to be repeated event…
…the birth of my child?!

SlightlyJaded · 09/07/2021 08:29

Covid aside - does he even understand that Tuesday is the latest the baby will be born? That anything can happen in the interim?

It's not unreasonable to want to watch the football - it's a historic moment even if you aren't a football fan - but he doesn't have to be 45 minutes away and he doesn't have to drink.

Tell his mate to come round. One beer so he can drive if necessary.

Candyflossss · 09/07/2021 08:38

I love football but my c section with my daughter was booked for a tuesday. guess who's waters broke at 38 + 6 and arrived the early hours of the Monday. if my partner had travelled to watch the football and got drunk he would have missed the birth of our first child.

I'm not saying this is likely but I didnt think my daughter would come early yet she did. I think him going and just having a few (and him actually meaning it!) is the sensible compromise.

Peachee · 09/07/2021 08:45

YANBU I would be fuming..
A) about the nerves and needing support on Sunday and Monday..
B) if he becomes a close contact of someone with COVID he will be expected to isolate and won’t be able to be with you during your c section..

Tal45 · 09/07/2021 08:45

Wow I wouldn't want him going anywhere that he might be tempted to drink, you never know when you might suddenly go into labour. He sounds pretty immature to me, not really the sort of person I'd want to be having a baby with.