Thoughts on baby in nursery at 8 months?

[babyblues21]

Just that really. My baby will be in nursery from this age and I'm struggling with the idea. Any experiences, either positive or negative? Would a childminder be a better option at this age so my baby has more 1:1 care?

@July2mebabywouldJuly2me

Judgemental rubbish

You don't like my opinion, that doesn't make it rubbish or judgemental.

It might not be rubbish or judgemental but it's not constructive or helpful to me. So if you could be more helpful that would be great.

Mine went in to full time nursery from 12 months old (I had the full year of mat leave otherwise they would have had to go in a bit sooner), one of their friends went from 6 months due to Mums job. They all loved nursery and I honestly can’t say anything bad about their time there (except the cost !)🤣

Feel free to ask me any questions OP

Mine was in from 9 months - I paid a fortune for the smallest nursery so she was normally only in a group of 3-4 but still had all the benefits of a nursery - it is what it is

OP,

Let me give you another perspective. In Switzerland where I am, maternity leave lasts 4 months. Hence my two went full time from this age. I didn’t ‘need’ to return to work in the sense that we could live comfortably on one salary. However, I wanted to. I had/have a career I love, that partly defines who I am as a person. I was not giving that up when I became a mother, just like my DH didn’t (and wasn’t expected to) give up his on becoming a father.

I had zero guilt in my children going to nursery. I am by far a better mother and person for WOTH and that is what works best for our family. The kids have always loved nursery (the smallest is still there) and sometimes he asks to go at the weekend! They’ve had trips to the fire station and in the fire engine and they also went to the police dog centre, as well as the animal shelter and a dairy farm! I wished I’d had these opportunities at 3 years old!

The eldest is in reception and has just finished the first week of holiday camp. They’ve been to the zoo, had a magician and today are having juggling lessons! DS told me he is too excited to sleep.

I know not everywhere is the same, but I just wanted to give you a flavour of some of the things they can do and experience in childcare that you just wouldn’t be able to do at home.

Remember that whatever you do as a mother, you’ll be judged negatively by someone. Fathers won’t. It’s a horrible double standard and it keeps women down. Sadly, some of the most judgmental are other mothers and most often this comes from a place of insecurity about their own choices.

@July2mebabywouldJuly2me

5 days isn't too much if that's what works for the family

It doesn't work for the baby. It's too much too young.

Do you have any evidence to support this opinion? Or did you just want to make the OP feel bad?

@babyblues21 In my experience (and I stress that this is only my experience) the nursery I was at was clearly only in it for the money. Expensive £95 a day nursery in an affluent area. The staff were all very young and most had no qualifications. It was a business and it’s aim was to make as much money for as little effort as possible. The staff would just mill about talking to each other and they would just let the babies get on with it. I was the only person in the baby room who actually had children. I was very affectionate and did my best, I would cuddle the babies, rock them to sleep, sing them songs and read to them but I was the only one that did. They would all laugh at me and call me the ‘baby whisperer’ because I was the only one who could get them to settle. They had absolutely no clue! To fill their books to make it look like the babies were actually learning, the staff would make up observations that never actually happened. We had to put a certain amount of photos in their books weekly so when it was time to take a picture, they would set up a table, bring a baby over, take a few pictures and then send them back to the carpet. After a left and reported them to ofsted, a surprise inspection was done. They were rated inadequate and were caught out. I’ve attached an edited piece of the report to show you that what I am saying is completely true. Take note of the last line especially.

@babyblues21

My two were in full time nursery from the age of 6 months - I'm old, I had my kids when you only got 18 weeks paid. They were in different nurseries (DD1's nursery closed) but both the one DD1 started in and the one they both ended up in were great - small, very low staff turnover (both DDs had the same key worker until they left to start school) and a lovely homey atmosphere. My DDs are now 20 and 18 and are lovely people with good emotional attachment (they never preferred nursery staff over their parents!), independent and capable and definitely did have a head start at school. The big advantage of nursery is it isn't an issue when a staff member is off sick. During the brief period I used a childminder for DD1's after school care, we had several incidents where she was off sick and DD1 ended up with a cover childminder who wasn't very pleasant. It wasn't a good arrangement.

DD went with 8.5 months, I really struggled with PND and it was the best decision we made.

She only went short days, twice a week and we increased it to 4 full days when she was 11 months. I actually think she improved there, she was a lazy baby, refused to roll and sit up (no physical issues) and after a couple of sessions she moved around a lot more.

Childminder - I personally think it is a hit and miss. We looked at some but found that they preferred the babies to fit their naps into their schedule for like school run and meal times and one clearly expected us to follow the same timing she had. The nursery's baby room was a lot more laid back, they could nap when they wanted or when they did at home, if they missed a meal they would get it afterwards.

We also would have issues when a childminder's child would be ill and she wouldn't be able to take DD, no family around meant, no cover or emergency babysitting. In a nursery you don't have that issue.

I think the staff are the key. In big expensive nursery we went to see first, the staff were all very very young, 17/18, and I got the distinct vibe that they weren't overly interested in being there (and I had suspicions about high staff turnover). Not saying at all that young people can't be passionate and good at their job, there are some younger staff at DD's nursery who are fantastic, but I just didn't get a good feel at nursery 1. It had excellent inspection reports and was well resourced, it just didn't feel right for us.

The nursery we chose is not a chain and is family-run. The sisters who run it work on the nursery floor, have children (who attend some days), and the baby 'room' isn't a separate room, it's just separated with a stairgate from the main nursery and there were never more than 4/5 under 2s in at a time. I have picked up and deposited DD hundreds of times at different times of day and I've never seen anything that would give me cause for alarm. Whenever a baby is upset, they are being cuddled, they are always doing activities, and the staff genuinely care for and know the children who attend. It's a lovely, warm place, and DD thrives there. But that's entirely due to the staff who work there and the family ethos of the nursery. Trust your gut and go and look at different nurseries.

My kids went to a lovely small nursery with staff that had been there for years. They were 9 and 11 months. Personally being at home full time wouldn't work for me. A childminder could be just as good though... I know lots of people who have found good minders.

Part of parenting is providing financial security for your children (as much as possible). My child was older (18m) when starting nursery x2 days pw, due to Covid, but you do what you have to to keep them fed, watered and a roof.
They won’t remember you being away for swathes of time but as they get older they will appreciate the extra resources your working brings.

OP because of the personal tax allowance dropping a day isn’t always losing a full days pay. I work x4 days slightly condensed. Have you got accrued AL?

My toddler loves nursery. I often spy on the garden and love to see how the kids and nursery nurses interact with each other.

While many SAHM’s do just fine with lots of activities etc I found the intensity hard and needed more, I loved MAT leave but the last 6 months were tough and I’m not sure DC got the best of me that they do now. I think DC is also happy for a change of scenery 😳

Also, we arrange things so dad drops off and I collect as I didn’t want to 😳

Oh and the nursery sends updates throughout the day, they are instructed to call us if any issues and do. They were aware that I was overly anxious leaving DC long awaited IVF baby after losses).

2 of the NN have their children there.
A few staff have worked there over 15 years.

The observation and developments reports are the highlight of my week - seeing my child through another’s eyes means a lot to me as I’m biased.

Also for me personally it was easy being home when squidgy and whatnot but being gone full time with a toddler was a lot. I’ve never tried to do housework or anything with DC and play a lot but nursery is like a constant adventure to DC I think.

My parents both worked when we were tiny and I can honestly say it has not affected us one bit. In fact, the opposite. My mum in particular achieved an awful lot and I am so proud of her for this. We are also incredibly close.

Please don't let posters upset you. Remember to build yourself up - you are working to look after your child and that is something to be really proud of, especially as you have PND. Take care

For God’s sake, what do some of the more judgmental posters on here think happens in other countries? Average maternity leave across OECD countries is 18 weeks - as a poster says above, in Switzerland it’s 4 months. Maternity leave in the U.K. is unusually long (although it’s much more poorly paid than some other countries with shorter leave periods). Would you like to go and inform the population of Switzerland how appallingly adjusted their children will be? Try comparing their statistics on childhood outcomes with ours first though, you might be surprised.

Anyway, OP - it’s absolutely fine. I know loads of people who went back at work at 8/9 months - tons of people can’t afford to take 3 months of unpaid leave, having just lived through however many months on statutory maternity pay. It isn’t unusual at all! In fact, a 9 month old baby started at my son’s nursery yesterday and apparently all the other children adored her (it’s a mixed age setting) - apparently my son spent ages stroking her head and bringing her toys to make her smile 😂

Are you happy with the nursery you’ve chosen? I looked at a LOT of nurseries and childminders and even signed up to one then changed my mind and signed up to another. You can shop around. When I signed up to the one we’re now at I completely relaxed about going back to work, I knew it was the right place for him. I don’t know if this is helpful but the things I ended up basing my decision on were:

• positive Ofsted report;
• small number of children;
• low staff turnover (the newest member of staff at my son’s nursery joined in 2017);
• large outdoor space;
• separate sleep room (ie not just a baby room) so that babies can have their own nap routine.

Good luck - it’s much harder for you than them! In a year I promise you’ll be looking back wondering what you were worried about.

I’m sorry you’ve struggled so much with PND. remember - people who need to make unkind comments on Internet forums are unlikely to be happy well-adjusted people.

[quote PippaGrace]@babyblues21 In my experience (and I stress that this is only my experience) the nursery I was at was clearly only in it for the money. Expensive £95 a day nursery in an affluent area. The staff were all very young and most had no qualifications. It was a business and it’s aim was to make as much money for as little effort as possible. The staff would just mill about talking to each other and they would just let the babies get on with it. I was the only person in the baby room who actually had children. I was very affectionate and did my best, I would cuddle the babies, rock them to sleep, sing them songs and read to them but I was the only one that did. They would all laugh at me and call me the ‘baby whisperer’ because I was the only one who could get them to settle. They had absolutely no clue! To fill their books to make it look like the babies were actually learning, the staff would make up observations that never actually happened. We had to put a certain amount of photos in their books weekly so when it was time to take a picture, they would set up a table, bring a baby over, take a few pictures and then send them back to the carpet. After a left and reported them to ofsted, a surprise inspection was done. They were rated inadequate and were caught out. I’ve attached an edited piece of the report to show you that what I am saying is completely true. Take note of the last line especially.[/quote]

I will be sure to read any Ofted reports carefully - this place doesn't sound great at all!

[quote PippaGrace]@babyblues21[/quote]

Christ. Some babies wander and get upset? I do hope this place was closed down!

Here is the most recent Ofsted report for the place I am looking at sending her to ...

DS was in nursery from 3 months, I had to start my mat leave earlier than planned because of a tricky pregnancy so only had 3 months left with DS before having to return to work. He was in the nursery attached to my workplace and I found it really easy - he had no separation anxiety, was used to lots of different people from a very early age and has excellent social skills. I don't know if he would have had those anyway - there's no way to tell what is nature v nurture - but he's articulate, loving, independent and very close to me now he's an adult. I have no regrets.

@PippaGrace

And the place I've screenshotted the Ofsted report from below costs £40 a day compared to the £95 a day for the one you shared. Just goes to show cost means nothing ...

I’m sorry you’ve struggled so much with PND. remember - people who need to make unkind comments on Internet forums are unlikely to be happy well-adjusted people.

Thank you

@TulipsTwoLips

My parents both worked when we were tiny and I can honestly say it has not affected us one bit. In fact, the opposite. My mum in particular achieved an awful lot and I am so proud of her for this. We are also incredibly close.

Please don't let posters upset you. Remember to build yourself up - you are working to look after your child and that is something to be really proud of, especially as you have PND. Take care

Thank you so much x

My now 17 year old was in nursery from 6 months. He loved it. And we loved paying our mortgage and eating and heating our house.

He’s now incredibly balanced and was always a brilliant ‘joiner in’ - I could leave him at any club or activity as he grew up and he was just fine.

Find out if the nursery has a parent partnership contact. They can provide reassurance.

While ofsted reports are useful, I do prefer lived experiences.

Please don't be upset. Mine were in from around that age and are now thriving teenagers. Actually I think they settle better a little earlier. It's a personal choice but I'd always go for a nursery for babies over a childminder who might have a range of ages - nursery staff are trained for babies and will be good for scheduled nap times etc. It's stressful now but when you get to know the staff it won't be 'the nursery' it'll be 'oh there's Emma who my LO really likes' and so on. You get to know them. Also - while I'm here - let me just check for the million threads from Dads worrying about this. Oh wait... they don't exist. People work, some choose to, some have to. You are clearly a caring Mum who is thinking deeply about your children, they will be fine x