Changing names when marrying

[WellLarDeDar]

I had liked the idea of taking on DHs name if we ever married and thought I wouldn't bat an eyelid but now it's time (wedding imminent!), I've discovered I'm more attached to my maiden name than I thought, but also still do like the idea of taking DHs name. I think his surname is really nice but it feels really weird thinking I wont have my old name anymore. Naively, I never expected to be unsure over it, it's a very strange feeling.

Is/was anyone else in two minds about it? I'm curious to hear what other people think.

Also, do you think it would be weird for someone to change their maiden name to a middle name and take on their DH/DWs name as a surname?

(DH said that he would love for me to take his name but it's up to me entirely so there's no pressure from him at all. Neither of us want a double barreled surname)

@MissTrip82

🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏

I kept my maiden name as a middle name. It made the name changing a bit more awkward, I had a deed poll done just to make life easier (I’m a teacher and could just see the next DBS paperwork being a headache). I like it!

@MissTrip82 -

“My name is my dad’s, but my husband’s name is his own? We would never, ever say ‘I’m taking my father-in-law’s name’.”

Er no.

Your husband’s name is his father’s name. And probably his grandfather’s before him. Of course it is

This is the precise definition of the patriarchal name tradition. Obviously.

Where else did he get his name from - the cat?

The point being - a husband has HIS particular name because that was his father’s name. The wife has HER particular name because that was her father’s name.

But whose name is going to be given to their children? This is the point.

In most cases (regardless of what name the wife takes) the children get the name their father got from his father (etc etc stretching back through history). This is what actually matters.

In some Middle Eastern traditions, women are fighting for the right to take the name that their husband happens to have (because of his father). This is because they had no right to it through history (they have to keep their name they got from their own father by law), even though the children automatically inherit the patriarchal name. So the wives are effectively disenfranchised from their own children who the father has rights over if he divorces her because they have the patriarchal name and not hers.

To summarise - everyone’s name is THEIR name, male or female. You have to go by something, so of course anyone’s name is their name. That’s not what I’m talking about. If any person, male or female, gets their surname from the father (and not the mother), then the fact is, it’s a patriarchal name. Where a child gets their mother’s name, the patriarchal line is broken.