To wonder why many people don't want to know their baby's gender during pregnancy

[pearlsandpetals]

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all!
I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!

@onlyhereforthecake

It's not that the sex gender matters in itself, but.. the baby already has one, the baby is a person.

What's wrong with picturing your baby as the actual person they are, not as a "gender neutral" being until they are born?

It's weird that some people can't express their preferences without immediately attacking others who make other choices.

If anyone pretended you are a bad mother because you want/didn't want to find out on this thread, I missed it.

What’s a sex gender?

@Smallbutnottinykitten it doesn't. Me knowing their sex has no impact on their health or happiness. My biggest concern is that they are healthy and everything is okay. Knowing the sex is something complete separate.

@lostandlonely20 I wish you all the best.

@DontWiltMySpinachPlease
meant to wish you all the best too.

Sorry if I've been living under a rock but are we not supposed to say Gender now and have to say sex? Is this to stop the baby from being labelled a boy or girl? Genuinely unaware of why everyone seems hot to correct the original poster, as I didn't know this was a thing now.

Gender is a social construct, sex is the biological sex of the baby.

IMO when people find out and then have the child is doesn't seem as exciting.

I can reassure you that knowing the gender of your baby takes NOTHING out of the excitement of their arrival!

You didn't have the means of finding out when I had mine. And when people started being able to, I was bewildered that the main reason they were giving was 'so I can go shopping'.

We only bought the basics beforehand. I wanted the baby to be safely here before we did loads of clothes shopping and nursery decorating. I'm not superstitious, but I knew that if the worst happened, I couldn't bear to be surrounded by 'stuff' that we'd bought in anticipation, or have a beautifully decorated but empty nursery.

Also the surprise element..as many have said, it's one of the few exciting surprises we can have in life. And that moment when the midwife/doctor said "you have a beautiful baby girl!" was wonderful each time.

@WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia

“Surprises” drive me crazy. I don’t know why I had to know the sex but I just did. I wanted to pick their name and wanted to be able to speak to them when they were growing inside me and address them by their name. It seemed more personal to use their name. However if I I have a 2nd child I won’t be telling my family the sex before birth because once I’d told them they went nuts buying clothes and toys. They might reign it in a bit if they only get to buy boring white clothes.

They'll rein it in second time round anyway IME. I was a bit offended on DS2's behalf at how few cards and flowers we got compared to when DS1 was born.

@I8toys

I always wonder why people want to know. You go through labour not knowing - excited to find out after pain and agony. If you already know it takes the excitement out of it. One of my overriding memories is pulling the umblical aside and a little willie being there.

Yeah having a new baby and giving birth is proper boring if you already know if it's a girl or a boy. It's not like there's anything else about them that is interesting or exciting 🙄😂

You need something to ponder on and feel excited about in labour, frankly.

Also - when I've known friends are having a boy and they've joyfully rung me up to say It's a boy! I've tended to think, Meh. Well we knew that.

It's a bit like saying Why don't you have a good look at all your Christmas presents 5 months before people wrap them all up and hide them for you?

I had a late loss (2nd trimester) after my second. If I’d had a room decorated in a gendered colour and stuff bought in blue I’d have been even more gutted than I was.

What's wrong with picturing your baby as the actual person they are, not as a "gender neutral" being until they are born?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with finding out at all, but I don’t see how it does help you picture them as the person they are really. You don’t know what they look like, whether they’ll have blue eyes or brown, whether they’ll be outgoing or shy, whether they’ll be great at chess or scared of spiders or anything, really.

WrongWayApricot

😂
couldn't agree more!

@Emimummy

Sorry if I've been living under a rock but are we not supposed to say Gender now and have to say sex? Is this to stop the baby from being labelled a boy or girl? Genuinely unaware of why everyone seems hot to correct the original poster, as I didn't know this was a thing now.

Sex is the medical/physical category and gender is a social construct.

We used to always say “sex” to mean sex, then society collectively went a a bit twee and prudish and started euphemistically saying “gender” when they meant sex (a borrowed concept from the social sciences).

Now that gender identity and ideology has exploded as an issue, the two ideas have become separated back out again.

I think people don't find out because there are very little surprises left in life.

Sorry posted too soon

If I’d had to go into a nursery decorated in colours and had a room full of clothes in blue for boy.

What could possibly be surprising about a 50/50 chance of male or female?

I found out the sex of all my kids before birth and made no secret of it when asked

@Emimummy

Sorry if I've been living under a rock but are we not supposed to say Gender now and have to say sex? Is this to stop the baby from being labelled a boy or girl? Genuinely unaware of why everyone seems hot to correct the original poster, as I didn't know this was a thing now.

Gender is a social construct and sex is a biological reality. Many of us here believe the concept of gender only exists to suppress women.

I found out with both of mine because its a surprise no matter when you find out so I chose to get the surprise at 20 weeks rather than 40. I don't really like surprises so don't want to prolong the not knowing. Also there can be enough surprises at the end like a surprise c section or a surprise health problem so having that bit of extra knowledge helps me!

I didn’t care which sex, and I loved that it seriously limited certain relatives’ ability to buy loads of very gendered stuff before baby arrived.

I did have a very strong feeling I was carrying a girl though, and was surprised to meet a boy. He’s a delight.

Are we really suggesting that, you know, HAVING A BABY isn't exciting on its own? That women need some inducement to get through labour because the actual birthing of your child isn't exciting enough to motivate you? What a bizarre argument

It's just a personal choice, no one is better than the other. For some people it's more special at the birth; for others it wouldn't be. Some people just like to know and what's wrong with that?

I wanted to find out with all three of mine. I couldn't with my first back in 1995 as the hospital policy where she was to be born was not to tell at the scan.

With DD2 and DD3 we were living in a different area and therefore under a different hospital. They were happy to try and tell us, although made clear that there was a margin for error.

It's personal choice. I never viewed it as a surprise at all in the way some people do. My thinking was that you know you will have one or the other, so why would I be surprised?

Just my opinion anyway.

@pearlsandpetals

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all! I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!

It mattered to me what they were. I didn’t find out the sex of my twins or single though until the birth. I wanted the surprise. Just felt clinical, practical and unemotional to find out the sex. Having a baby was about the whole natural experience for me and having the overwhelming surprise was part of that. I find it really hard to understand why anyone would want to know before!

For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival
You won't find out the gender of a baby from a scan. Gender is a social construct which you will start building as soon as you swathe everything in pink or blue and choose either dinosaur or unicorn babygros.

The scan will tell you the sex of your baby. The sex doesn't have to make any difference to your preparation for their arrival and initial few years of life. Colours are just colours; dinosaurs and unicorns are just animals. Their sex doesn't really make a practical difference until they get to the stage where boys need a little more room in their pants and girls need sanitary products and bras.

I knew as soon as I could, obviously so did DH, no one else did, and we still had a neutral nursery because I thought it was prettier for my baby.

No way could have I had been arsed to decorate around a new born.

It doesn't mean I would attack or abuse anyone who chose a pink or blue or orange nursery