Page 27 | To wonder why many people don't want to know their baby's gender during pregnancy

pearlsandpetals · 2021-07-08T13:53:07+00:00

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all! I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!

mafted · 09/07/2021 18:26

@aSofaNearYou
Yes, but it's as much of a stretch to assume all are thinking of this in the same way it would be a stretch to assume all parents who wait do it because they feel like they would be like opening their Christmas present early. Which just as many if not more have said.

Once again.
I wasn't speaking for all people.
I was speaking for myself. I was answering with my opinion. It is not a stretch for me make that assumption, given the evidence some people do factor in buying baby goods in their decision to find out the sex and the language in the OP.

Blossomtoes · 09/07/2021 18:29

@AnneLovesGilbert

I didn’t care what sex my baby was. I didn’t think I’d bond any better knowing what genitals it had.

I don’t understand why people care so much.

Exactly this. The human race managed perfectly well for centuries not knowing which sex a baby was before it was born. The “It’s a boy/girl!” moment is lovely.

WineInTheBlood · 09/07/2021 18:35

I found out with my first because my husband was struggling with it all a bit. We planned it and everything, and he was all on board but then panic set in and finding out definitely helped him get his head around it - picture her I guess maybe? I don't know, but it worked for us. Personally I wouldn't have found out otherwise. Now he's over it and loves being a dad, I've said I don't want to find out with the one we're currently trying for. I really want the surprise.

Harls1969 · 09/07/2021 18:40

I didn't find out with either of mine (youngest is 19 though so it's been a while). If I'd had more I still wouldn't have found out. For me, part of the excitement of being pregnant was not knowing. Finding out the sex as my baby was handed to me was one of the highlights of my life and I'll admit to always being slightly disappointed when people find out at their scan. Each to their own though

onlyhereforthecake · 09/07/2021 18:42

The “It’s a boy/girl!” moment is lovely.

yes... and ALL parents get that moment. Some sooner, others later.

There's no wrong or right decision here, what is very strange is the posters who are so negative towards someone having different preferences.

onlyhereforthecake · 09/07/2021 18:42

I'll admit to always being slightly disappointed when people find out at their scan.

when it's not your own baby, why on earth could you possibly be disappointed?

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 09/07/2021 18:44

You can wonder all you like, so theoretically YANBU, but YWBU to judge or think less of people that don't want to know.

I didn't; it keeps the excitement up for what will otherwise be a day of hard work and probably, pain.

I am feeling pretty about your assertion that it will help you bond better with your baby, though. I had no problems... I didn't pigeonhole them into a pre-formed notion of boyhood or girlhood, amongst other things.

Leontine · 09/07/2021 18:45

I’d prefer not to know as I think it adds another layer of mystery and excitement.

A midwife I know said that the vast majority of people do find out now, so much so that she doesn’t even bother checking after birth.

aSofaNearYou · 09/07/2021 18:47

Once again.
I wasn't speaking for all people.
I was speaking for myself. I was answering with my opinion. It is not a stretch for me make that assumption, given the evidence some people do factor in buying baby goods in their decision to find out the sex and the language in the OP.

Omg, how many times do we need to go around in circles? I was disagreeing with the general sentiment, not you specifically. You don't need to keep defending yourself.

But yes, making assumptions based on SOME people doing something is a stretch. That's pretty much what that means.

LexCake · 09/07/2021 18:53

@BoattoBolivia

I had many reasons that I didn't want to know my babys' sex: I didn't want to 'bond' too early having seen friends lose babies before birth; I thought that naming them before I met them was weird- both times we had a list of names and chose the one that felt right when we actually met the baby; I had no desire to prep for the baby based on sex- all my baby items were totally neutral and it stopped people buying us 'boy' stuff or 'girl' stuff; I didn't want to have time to conjure up a fantasy baby that might not tie up with the actual child; it gives you something to announce once the baby is born.

Exactly this!

Blossomtoes · 09/07/2021 18:54

There's no wrong or right decision here, what is very strange is the posters who are so negative towards someone having different preferences

It’s the very essence of AIBU.

lostandlonely20 · 09/07/2021 18:56

@Mirw - I felt exactly the opposite of what you said when I miscarried. It felt very important to me and my DH

LouH1981 · 09/07/2021 19:00

I really just enjoyed the surprise. Also one of my fondest memories of both births was my husband telling me what we had.
I’ll admit I was tempted the 2nd time around because I had so many boys clothes that I really wanted to know just so I could be organised but I was so excited not to know.
I did have a sneaking suspicion on both occasions and I was wrong for both! 🤣

janj2301 · 09/07/2021 19:01

Mine are 36 and 40, scans weren't done then but first one had heart condition so I had scans done for the second to check she was OK. I asked the sex, they said no guarantees but we can't see a willy.. .

Monkeymilkshake · 09/07/2021 19:06

We didnt find out. When baby was born we asked the midwife not to tell us the sex, we looked ourself and said “hi [baby’s name]”. It really didnt matter to us. Regardless of the sex, we were bringing a new person into this world and that’s all that mattered. We also just bought some neutral clothes (i’m not a fan of all princess pink or robot blue anyway).

Harls1969 · 09/07/2021 19:07

@onlyhereforthecake

I'll admit to always being slightly disappointed when people find out at their scan.

when it's not your own baby, why on earth could you possibly be disappointed?

Sorry, I didn't realise I needed permission to be disappointed!

RolloTomassi · 09/07/2021 19:08

I didn't have any preference, and it's so fun to guess the surprise. My husband got the spotlight moment to tell everyone what we'd had, which was nice for him. Each to their own but I was just never tempted.

CCN2012 · 09/07/2021 19:09

I not only wanted a surprise, but (definitely my personal opinion and viewpoint) I feel if you were meant to know, your belly would be see through.

I had c sections on both mine, planned so knew when they would be born. I needed an element of surprise. The sections were for medical reasons.

mariominder · 09/07/2021 19:13

Because of age I had amniocentesis for both my pregnancies, both sons. If it hadn’t been for that we might well have not wanted to know, not sure, this was a while ago. Reaction the first time was to think, that’s lovely, but I can’t imagine having only the one if it’s a boy (weird, why would just one girl be any different?]. Reaction the second time was indeed to settle on a name, having used up too many for the first - but it was clear almost as soon as the second was born that the chosen name was not right for him and we changed it. Hormones, eh.

RottieMum80 · 09/07/2021 19:13

I feel the same about parents that want to find out the sex - talk about spoiler alert! It’s one of the loveliest surprises, all the anticipation, everyone wondering and guessing and waiting to find out. It’s wonderful and both pregnancies I didn’t want to know.

NotDoris · 09/07/2021 19:15

We had friends who knew the sex and named the baby before it was born. We got a phone call to say “little ‘johnnie’s arrived” not the same level of excitement as “it’s a girl/boy!”
Also, would you open Christmas or birthday presents before the big day? Or wait and enjoy the surprise?
Thirdly, scans are not completely accurate.

RedStef1983 · 09/07/2021 19:17

I chose not to find out what I was having because there are so few genuinely lovely surprises these days! I wanted to be able to introduce my child as ‘my son/daughter called xxx’ when people met them for the first time. If people already know the gender/name, wheres the anticipation?! In addition, I didn’t want to be inundated with pink/blue gifts/outfits, which is what Ive seen regularly happen to my friends who announced what they were having. As a result, my daughter had a wonder cup newborns wardrobe full of every colour under the rainbow (plus lots of whites d grey 🤦🏼‍♀️) and was gifted a wide variety of toys.

Hardbackwriter · 09/07/2021 19:19

@RottieMum80

I feel the same about parents that want to find out the sex - talk about spoiler alert! It’s one of the loveliest surprises, all the anticipation, everyone wondering and guessing and waiting to find out. It’s wonderful and both pregnancies I didn’t want to know.

I absolutely loathed people guessing based on nonsense (and often insulting!) old wives' tales, and thought the best reason to find out was that it shuts that down! It would have driven me so mad if that had gone on for another 20 weeks and to me it made it feel like the sex was much more important than it actually is.

justlliloleme · 09/07/2021 19:23

Someone told me not to find out because you ‘push’ better when giving birth because you’re so excited to find out 😂😂
My DH nanna who was 90 when I was pregnant said she needed to know ‘otherwise how do you plan?’ I had to point out that she had 8 kids & didn’t know the sex of any of them & managed to prepare perfectly well. 😂

I didn’t want to know so I didn’t find out with any of mine. They’re now 23 & 12 & we managed to plan & I had no issues with bonding. I had to have a 4D scan with my youngest & the doctor turned the screen away so I wouldn’t see.

I guess I’m just traditional & I can’t bear the gender reveal & baby shower crap. I guess it’s all just personal choice.

aSofaNearYou · 09/07/2021 19:25

@RedStef1983

I chose not to find out what I was having because there are so few genuinely lovely surprises these days! I wanted to be able to introduce my child as ‘my son/daughter called xxx’ when people met them for the first time. If people already know the gender/name, wheres the anticipation?! In addition, I didn’t want to be inundated with pink/blue gifts/outfits, which is what Ive seen regularly happen to my friends who announced what they were having. As a result, my daughter had a wonder cup newborns wardrobe full of every colour under the rainbow (plus lots of whites d grey 🤦🏼‍♀️) and was gifted a wide variety of toys.

Having a name picked out doesn't mean telling everybody about it, we only mentioned what we were thinking of to our parents. People were excited that we had a baby, not to find out what sex it was. That, to me, sounds like the ultimate example of being overly preoccupied with sex.