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Original poster

To wonder why many people don't want to know their baby's gender during pregnancy

806 replies

pearlsandpetals · 08/07/2021 14:53

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all!
I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 09/07/2021 17:49

[quote mafted]@aSofaNearYou
I'm not speaking for people though.
PP asked something like why are people assuming it's about buying pink or blue clothes and I gave reasons why I might think that. I took the OP to mean prepare as in buy baby paraphernalia. As I said in my previous post I don't think it's a stretch to assume so. [/quote]
I know you're not. I was just disagreeing with the sentiment you were describing, not you personally.

It is a stretch to assume so, yet many do.

ilovechocolate07 · 09/07/2021 17:49

I bonded just fine and hadn't found out. It was magical to find out as they were born.

huniepop · 09/07/2021 17:51

Who cares even if 'preparation' is about choosing blue for a boy?

I personally don't like blue so will get brown/cream. If a parent is excited and fancies getting a dress for their baby girl or blue for a boy- really, so what? The baby doesn't have an opinion yet.

Wanting to choose baby clothes after the scan does not mean enforcing gender stereotypes

simiisme · 09/07/2021 17:54

I just wanted a lovely surprise.
And, as somebody who had huge difficulty conceiving, I didn't mind whether I had a girl or a boy.
We chose two names and waited.
The same with the second pregnancy.

notsofussy · 09/07/2021 17:54

To me its like opening your Christmas presents before Christmas.

Clucket87 · 09/07/2021 17:57

We had said all along we weren’t going to find out.
From the moment we were pregnant our baby had a nickname and that was how discussed our child. Everybody knew the nickname and people asked after our child by that nickname as well. It was even on the invite to a family wedding.
We had the joy of picking names, not knowing what we were having and didn’t feel pressure to have made a decision before our baby arrived.
Myself and my husband both have red hair, so we knew our child would as well so we were always going to go for neutral clothing.
We had so many lovely comments about the surprise we were going to have.
I guess I just don’t see the need to know. It’s a 50/50 chance and I have the rest of my life to buy clothes of multiple colours.
I have a healthy, happy baby and that is all that matters.
OP I hope you have a lovely scan and that the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

BlahBlahPo · 09/07/2021 17:59

Far from excited, I felt very anxious and out of control in my first pregnancy and so finding out the sex gave me something that was certain (although they can get it wrong). We knew we were having a boy but didn't buy much at all, let alone anything blue, in advance as I'm quite superstitious. It just meant we could rule out girl names and feel more mentally prepared. It was still an amazing surprise when he was born.

mafted · 09/07/2021 18:04

@aSofaNearYou
I know you're not. I was just disagreeing with the sentiment you were describing, not you personally.
It's not a sentiment it's my own opinion.

It is a stretch to assume so, yet many do.
You say that yet (if I'm counting correctly) three posters have just said they want to buy baby items that aren't gender neutral.

csigeek · 09/07/2021 18:11

YANBU for asking!
It just didn’t matter to me. All babies needs are the same, all babies are a blessing. Neutral clothing was easy to find, nursery decorated in colourful animal theme etc. No problems there.
I watched a friend of a friend spend her entire pregnancy completely gutted she was having a boy and she’d wanted a girl, was horrible! Obviously she felt different when the baby arrived but it ruined her pregnancy knowing!

Mirw · 09/07/2021 18:11

And then you miscarry... And it doesn't matter anymore. It becomes an additional burden knowing what you have lost! Better not to know.

aSofaNearYou · 09/07/2021 18:14

You say that yet (if I'm counting correctly) three posters have just said they want to buy baby items that aren't gender neutral.

Yes, but it's as much of a stretch to assume all are thinking of this in the same way it would be a stretch to assume all parents who wait do it because they feel like they would be like opening their Christmas present early. Which just as many if not more have said.

StoneofDestiny · 09/07/2021 18:14

I wanted a surprise. Bought clothing and decorated in neutral colours - had no need to know in advance.

onlyhereforthecake · 09/07/2021 18:14

@Mirw

And then you miscarry... And it doesn't matter anymore. It becomes an additional burden knowing what you have lost! Better not to know.
for many of us who have lost at least one baby, it very much matter if you have lost a little girl or a little boy. And their name matters too.
mafted · 09/07/2021 18:15

Thanks to all those who have had losses.

CambsAlways · 09/07/2021 18:15

No I certainly didn’t want to know the sex of any of my three before born, as to us it makes no difference, all three were planned and didn’t bother us a bit we waited patiently enjoying all the stages until they were born, each to their own,

Moreguac · 09/07/2021 18:15

It’s a surprise whenever you find out, whether it’s antenatal or at the birth.
The other aspect I found helpful for children born after the first one was that I could tell the first one that their little brother or sisters were in my tummy

Housemum · 09/07/2021 18:16

I personally found out with number 3 but DH and I didn't tell anyone. I hadn't found out for first two (not offered with DD1 in our area, chose not to with DD2). I genuinely didn't mind whether we had a boy or girl, but from a practical perspective as we had a lot of leftover "girl" clothes I wanted to know whether it was worth keeping them or not.

Bertiebiscuit · 09/07/2021 18:17

I often wonder why people do want to know the sex of their baby before it arrives - given how negative many people are at the birth of girls - I don't know why medical people pander to this potentially dangerous fad

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 09/07/2021 18:18

I wanted to know with dc3 because we were due to move house towards the end of my pregnancy. I already had a boy and a girl, so wanted to know who was getting the big room, as they would eventually share with the baby, and who would have the box room to themselves. So a very practical reason! I’m past having dc now, but otherwise might be tempted to have a ‘surprise’.

PringlePonders · 09/07/2021 18:18

Never crossed my mind to ask.

Is asking to do with the new fad of gender reveal parties etc ?

Bonding with your baby takes far more than knowing what sex it is.

You'll learn.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 09/07/2021 18:19

@pearlsandpetals

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all! I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!
I agree with you op. With my first as soon as we found out we were suddenly having a son rather than a baby. I've never understood not finding out but then I'm a planner at heart and really don't like a surprise (that I know is coming).
JosephineDeBeauharnais · 09/07/2021 18:22

@CrouchEndTiger12

Sex...not gender.

There are very few true surprises in life. Finding out baby's sex at birth is one of them.

It’s really not. It’s going to be a boy or a girl. There’s absolutely no element of surprise. It would be surprising if a Labrador popped out.
QueenoftheFarts · 09/07/2021 18:24

I wanted a daughter and I expected to have a daughter.

I had a son. I am glad it was a surprise.

The wave of emotions and love I felt for him was so overwhelming and intense that I am glad it happened like that. Rather than being disappointed at a scan, reconciling myself to the idea of sons... I might have always felt it was an acceptance rather than the beautiful thing it was.

I never had a daughter. I had two amazing sons and before them just hadn't realised what a wonderful thing it is to be the mother of boys...

I would encourage my younger friends to hold out for the bug reveal when the baby arrives.

Mesoavocado · 09/07/2021 18:24

Really didn't want to know as didn't care the sex of the baby. More important that was healthy

RaeRae84 · 09/07/2021 18:25

32 weeks pregnant and I'm really glad it's not a surprise. I can't even explain why as I know you can be organised either way and think of names for both.
So many people said I should keep it as a surprise but I also find people say a lot of things when you're pregnant 🙄 I'm happy with my choice!