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Original poster

To wonder why many people don't want to know their baby's gender during pregnancy

806 replies

pearlsandpetals · 08/07/2021 14:53

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all!
I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!

OP posts:
WhatAShilohPitt · 08/07/2021 22:43

Because I wouldn’t do anything differently if I found it it was one or the other. No pink / blue stuff. No choosing space ships v princess wallpaper. No bonding differently.

TattyDevine · 08/07/2021 22:47

@faithfulbird20

1Some things are better left unknown. Joy and miracle of pregnancy just amazes me.

2 Surprise.

3 Technology can be wrong. Have known someone who was expecting a girl and it was actually a boy and vice versa.

If 2 is surprise, then surely 3 is even more of a surprise? 😀
PopcornAndWine · 08/07/2021 22:50

@WhatAShilohPitt

Because I wouldn’t do anything differently if I found it it was one or the other. No pink / blue stuff. No choosing space ships v princess wallpaper. No bonding differently.
I found out and didn't do any of that either!
Sparklybanana · 08/07/2021 22:56

We had a surprise for the first 2. I enjoyed the whole trying to guess and bonded fine with my two mysteries. The 3rd we found out for purely practical reasons of wanting to get rid of unnecessary baby clothes. I was disappointed. I'm not sure I would have been if it was a surprise because they're a sweetie. Ironically, it was very obvious from every scan what the sex was so shouldn't have bothered to pay to find out!

PrincessNutella · 08/07/2021 23:00

I was one of those people who chose not to know. But somehow I was very sure it was a girl. I mean, I'm a girl. I just could not imagine how I could not create a girl. But then, I gave birth to a boy. And I thought, Oh how original he is! He decided to be a boy! I was completely smitten, and I still am, even though he's a big grown-up man.

Physio32 · 08/07/2021 23:00

It's sex not gender

Allegra82 · 08/07/2021 23:03

I didn’t find out with my first 2 until birth. It was lovely looking at my baby to find out it’s sex. Plus I feel it made the birth announcement more exciting! I definitely enjoyed the suspense and the wondering.
I found out with number 3, and it has been a bit of an anti climax. If I had my way again (I don’t, we are done) I’d keep it a surprise.

saraclara · 08/07/2021 23:05

@Physio32

It's sex not gender
Really? 536 posts on this thread and no-one's mentioned that.

(MN really needs to give us an eye roll emoticon)

BiBabbles · 08/07/2021 23:07

Those of you who didn’t know - did you close your eyes during the scans?

In all the scans I've had - pregnancy and otherwise in that area - the screen was set up so I couldn't see it without them turning the screen towards me -- and even then I had to wrench my neck over. I always figured that was to let them do their job with some peace so didn't bother trying. When they did show, it was mainly on the facial features and wider general body shape.

When asked if I wanted to know, I said only if it was very clear though I understood it was unlikely to be 100%. With my first, it wasn't at all on the first scan due to legs being crossed and where he was (he looked like he was chilling on a lounger, hands behind head, feet up - such relief after I thought I was having a late miscarriage and that ended up the most accurate representation of him I could get). It was very clear on the second scan. My other kids had varying degrees between, as a pp said, the girls tend to be less obvious than boys.

I know now some places don't tell at all, so I imagine they're set up to avoid the screens being viewed too.

Arena5 · 08/07/2021 23:09

Because the element of surprise helped me get through labour

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 08/07/2021 23:10

The excitement of not knowing gets you through labour! I’m the opposite, I really can’t imagine why you would find out!!

pigsDOfly · 08/07/2021 23:33

Personally, I would never have wanted to know the sex of my babies before they were born.

It's such a lovely thing to have gone through all the effort of the labour and to have that surprise.

And as for giving the mother a stronger bond with the baby if she knows its sex before hand? What utter nonsense.

Pl242 · 08/07/2021 23:33

I chose not to find out with the first and to find out with the second.

I enjoyed both the not knowing and the knowing.

Helpful?!

hazandduck · 08/07/2021 23:37

I’m always a bit disappointed when someone finds out their baby’s sex before, it’s just not as exciting than waiting for the news when the baby is born! I find it takes a lot of the excitement out of it when someone knows the sex, the name, and announces it all, before the baby is even born, it’s weird to me. I don’t get what the rush is.

We didn’t find out with either and that moment when you first meet them and think “oh yes of course! It’s you!” It’s just magic. One of the few moments in life that’s just pure gleeful surprise and as long as they are healthy it doesn’t actually matter, whether it’s a boy or a girl, you’re blown away by them! Well I was, any way :)

I prefer neutral baby clothes any way so didn’t want to stock up a wardrobe of pink or blue.

Kona84 · 08/07/2021 23:50

I want the surprise on the day, I want my partner to tell me the sex though I’m not sure if he’ll be able to or if the Midwife’s say it.
I also don’t want to receive lots of pink or blue items.
We have gone gender neutral for clothes.

RainbowMum11 · 08/07/2021 23:51

I don't understand why knowing the sex helps you plan better really, babies certainly don't care what colour they wear/their changing mat is/pram colour or anything at all - it is so completely irrelevant .

Noterook · 08/07/2021 23:54

@Allegra82

I didn’t find out with my first 2 until birth. It was lovely looking at my baby to find out it’s sex. Plus I feel it made the birth announcement more exciting! I definitely enjoyed the suspense and the wondering. I found out with number 3, and it has been a bit of an anti climax. If I had my way again (I don’t, we are done) I’d keep it a surprise.
Have you given birth to the third yet? Do you mean the birth was an anti climax if so?
Houseofvelour · 09/07/2021 00:01

No matter what I'm doing in life, I feel like I need to have all the information or I feel quite stressed so I personally felt like I HAD to know and I'm really glad I did.
Surprises aren't my thing.

LouLou198 · 09/07/2021 00:06

Because there aren't that many good surprises in life!
I never felt that need to prepare, newborns look so lovely in neutral clothes, they don't need their own room til they are 6 months old. My dh telling me we had a girl is one of my fondest memories.

Winwins · 09/07/2021 04:00

It’s such an unimportant piece of information, It really doesn’t matter whether you find out or not, just personal preference.

Twizbe · 09/07/2021 05:46

@Kona84

I want the surprise on the day, I want my partner to tell me the sex though I’m not sure if he’ll be able to or if the Midwife’s say it. I also don’t want to receive lots of pink or blue items. We have gone gender neutral for clothes.
Put it in your birth plan that you want him to do it. I had it written in massive letters as it was really important to me that DH was the one to tell me
Maggiesfarm · 09/07/2021 05:55

Twizbe: ... it was really important to me that DH was the one to tell me

Did you not see your baby come out? I saw the sex of mine at the same time as husband.

I didn't know beforehand with my first, did with second. It made no difference really. It was exciting, a new person.

Grellbunt · 09/07/2021 05:58

@Maggiesfarm

Twizbe: ... it was really important to me that DH was the one to tell me

Did you not see your baby come out? I saw the sex of mine at the same time as husband.

I didn't know beforehand with my first, did with second. It made no difference really. It was exciting, a new person.

Are you a contortionist?!
RainbowMumzy · 09/07/2021 06:57

@Physio32

It's sex not gender
🙄🙄🙄
Palavah · 09/07/2021 07:08

@MikeWozniaksGloriousTache

For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival How? Apart from buying a lot of awful stereotyped clothing?

I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter
I hope you haven’t expressed this opinion to anyone in your real life? I’m currently pregnant and not found out the sex, and I can build the same band you can by referring to them in anyway shape or form. I don’t think you’re meaning to come across as offensive by inferring that someone couldn’t possibly bond with a child they’re growing inside their own body because they don’t know if they’ve got a penis or a vagina, but you are. And incredibly sanctimonious and naive.

Bit harsh.

I don't want to find out either, and I'm uncomfortable with the aggressive gendering that can happen before a child is even born, but OP hasn't suggested it's not possible to bond with a child whose sex you don't know.