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Original poster

To wonder why many people don't want to know their baby's gender during pregnancy

806 replies

pearlsandpetals · 08/07/2021 14:53

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all!
I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!

OP posts:
WrongWayApricot · 08/07/2021 17:47

@gingerandproud4always

What are you on about? I can literally think of no way in which you should see those later things as linked to finding out at the scan?

Every single person I know who has found out has refused to try to breastfeed because it's 'weird'. All the people who waited for the surprise have tried. 'Baby wearing' doesn't allow you to show off your vulgar pram. It's so much better for your social media following to know!

Found out sex before birth, ebf and still breastfeeding at 3yo, saved up extra to have a car seat that lies flat for a newborn, chose a frame and buggy based on that car seat, extended rear facing now, couldn't use a sling because of back problems but still tried, gave baby a dummy after 6 weeks (weaned off before 12mo) because it's linked to lower sids risk... Finding out the sex of the baby at a scan had zero influence on these decisions Confused
NoWordForFluffy · 08/07/2021 17:47

@AnneLovesGilbert

I didn’t care what sex my baby was. I didn’t think I’d bond any better knowing what genitals it had.

I don’t understand why people care so much.

Yep, this.

We didn't find out with either.

upsideoxide · 08/07/2021 17:48

I don't understand why you'd want to know

What sort of prep do you need to do? I don't get that?

I don't like it when people name their baby and refer to it as the name before they're even born. Not sure why actually. Just feels wrong

Nothing like a good old fashioned surprise

aSofaNearYou · 08/07/2021 17:49

@upsideoxide

I don't understand why you'd want to know

What sort of prep do you need to do? I don't get that?

I don't like it when people name their baby and refer to it as the name before they're even born. Not sure why actually. Just feels wrong

Nothing like a good old fashioned surprise

Yes but, why would you actively NOT want to know? You're finding out at some point, why not when the information first presents itself?

You seem to have answered that in your second sentence, and it's just tradition. I don't care about that tradition.

Youarestillintherunning · 08/07/2021 17:51

Because it literally doesn't make a difference. Knowing what they have between their legs won't tell you anything about who they will be as a person

onlyhereforthecake · 08/07/2021 17:52

I don't understand why you'd want to know

because we can? It's not "a baby" it's a little boy or a little girl. Why wouldn't I want to know?

I don't need to share the details to the world.

Parker231 · 08/07/2021 17:53

Never entered my head to find out - you can’t change what it is and it didn’t make any difference what sex it was.

onlyhereforthecake · 08/07/2021 17:54

@Youarestillintherunning

Because it literally doesn't make a difference. Knowing what they have between their legs won't tell you anything about who they will be as a person
you'll find out anyway, so why wait? I don't even understand the question.

Choosing one or the other is fine, but the puzzlement is weird.

Sometimeswinning · 08/07/2021 17:54

Whatever you do op dont post about a gender reveal party that you may have been planning!

BiBabbles · 08/07/2021 17:54

I never went in to the anomaly scan expecting to find out the sex - it's not always possible depending on the position the baby is in.

All babies look like potatoes regardless of sex. For me, the biggest surprise looks wise was hair colour on my potatoes. I thought that was more interesting than the sex, especially with 1 DC's hair drastically changed colour at about 4 months old.

Only my oldest had a name before being born, for me part of the fun was exploring all the potential names and trying them when they were here. I had so many lists.

No amount of preparing for either sex actually helped with the reality of having that sex. The differences in how others see them, what they face because of other's perception of their sex, nothing could have prepared me for that.

Etceteraaah · 08/07/2021 17:55

I didn't find out with my first child because I wanted the surprise when the baby was born. I didn't feel the need to be ready in the sense that knowing the sex of the baby brings- I bought neutral clothes, bought a travel system in a colour I liked, decorated the room in a neutral scheme. I didn't feel I wasn't ready. Being handed the baby and being told "Congratulations...it's a girl" was the most amazing and surreal situation.

I didn't want to find out with baby number 2 was but the sonographer accidentally told us the sex. I was initially really sad about being told at 20 weeks because I felt that special moment after birth was taken away from me. But when he was born, after 20 weeks of knowing he was a boy, we had a different special moment where I felt like I knew the little person in my arms already because we knew his name and that he was a boy. So it was amazing and surreal but in a different way. If I were to have a third child then I would opt not knowing until birth.

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 08/07/2021 17:55

I see the gender Police are out in force 🙄

DappledThings · 08/07/2021 17:55

Yes but, why would you actively NOT want to know? You're finding out at some point, why not when the information first presents itself?
Just because I had no need to know. Same as I didn't know what any of the babies' measurements were. I knew that they had been checked in scans and all was well in terms of head circumference, kidney function, genital formation and everything else.

But then I don't get the excitement at birth either. With DC2 when she came the midwife announced, "she's here", I said, "it's a girl?" and she apologised assuming that if I didn't know till then I must have wanted DH to give me a big announcement whereas I couldn't care less who told me. I wouldn't have been that put out if I'd accidentally been told in a scan but I had no impetus to ask.

Changechangychange · 08/07/2021 17:55

Every single person I know who has found out has refused to try to breastfeed because it's 'weird'. All the people who waited for the surprise have tried. 'Baby wearing' doesn't allow you to show off your vulgar pram. It's so much better for your social media following to know!

I think you just have a really odd group of friends, honestly.

Cookies47 · 08/07/2021 17:57

A lot of people are saying that you don't get any surprises like that in your life.. I agree, it is like nothing else to find out that surprise at the end!

I'd like to add - childbirth was not nice, it hurt and I was crying LOL Blush so it was really nice at the end to be handed my little girl and to have that lovely surprise to take my mind off my stitches!

warmfluffytowels · 08/07/2021 17:59

A friend of mine recently found out she was having a girl - she was very surprised to give birth to a boy Grin

I wouldn't find out because I wouldn't want it to be wrong.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 08/07/2021 17:59

I agree it’s one of the best surprises you’ll ever get in your life. But surely it’s a surprise whether you find out during a scan or on the labour ward.

We didn’t find out, because we liked the idea of finding out when baby arrived. I think I’d probably do the same again. I also know personally 2 people who it turned out the Sonographer was wrong. So I’m not sure I would have dared me too ‘prepared’ anyway Grin

We wouldn’t have been set on a name either way, so would still have referred to (him, as it turned out), as baby. We had a list of a few names for a boy and a girl, and we waited to see which one ‘suited’ best when he arrived.

Passingahat · 08/07/2021 17:59

I wouldn't find out. In general I've found that friends who have found out have ended up with incredibly gendered gifts and id prefer mate neutral gifts

Thewinterofdiscontent · 08/07/2021 17:59

Yes but, why would you actively NOT want to know? You're finding out at some point, why not when the information first presents itself?

Because it’s a bit meaningless? It barely matters in the first months anyway ( apart from the chance of getting wee in the eye if you have a boy) but not at all when they haven’t even taken a breath.

Jellyred · 08/07/2021 18:01

I agree @Rhystior finding out baby is born etc is exciting regardless.

I don’t feel smug because we didn’t find out, I don’t think it’s a class issue nor do I think there’s a BF correlation.

I loved my cousins gender reveal party it was fun.

I also enjoyed the nonsense surrounding my ?, all sorts of bumps high/low, whether a ring on a string over bump twisted, the sweepstake banter (uncle asking gran to ask me what colour wool to use for a cardigan cos he wanted to win), the anticipation was fun.

That’s not for everyone, some people would have been pissed at all that.

DH and I were shit scared throughout, scans are not enjoyable at all for us.

But the ? Did prolong the excitement and suspense for us, family and friends.

Each to their own.

nicknamehelp · 08/07/2021 18:02

I didn't find out with either of mine didn't affect my planning for their arrival or my bond with them. Was a lovely surprise and great telling people not only baby was here but what we had had.

8dpwoah · 08/07/2021 18:02

@gingerandproud4always

What are you on about? I can literally think of no way in which you should see those later things as linked to finding out at the scan?

Every single person I know who has found out has refused to try to breastfeed because it's 'weird'. All the people who waited for the surprise have tried. 'Baby wearing' doesn't allow you to show off your vulgar pram. It's so much better for your social media following to know!

What do you make of people like me who didn't find out with the first but have with the second, and fully intend to do everything the same as with the first (extended BF, extended rear facing, sling when it suited, cloth nappy when it suits) providing it suits the baby? 🤔 What a puzzle!
ARealTrip · 08/07/2021 18:02

I don’t get the “I wanted a surprise” as the surprise is always the same whether during pregnancy or birth, it’s still a surprise!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/07/2021 18:04

I really wanted a second child of the same gender
I just wanted them to be buddies
And I didn’t want to have any regret

Knowing that at the birth I wouldn’t have cared anyway and been delighted with what I got

Etceteraaah · 08/07/2021 18:04

@ARealTrip

I don’t get the “I wanted a surprise” as the surprise is always the same whether during pregnancy or birth, it’s still a surprise!
Well yes. Precisely. Some people want the surprise during pregnancy and some want the surprise at birth. It's not difficult to "get".
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