AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

Just caught your update after I posted. If you’ve purchased your house you’ve every right to live in it as you choose! And good point from a PP that if you already had the dog what would the expectation be to do with it?

This has got to be craziest thread I have ever read.
I would be letting the dog in the garden whenever I wanted.
Are there big fences separating your gardens?

You've got to just do you. Enough is enough. Big girl knickers on and live the life you want.

@Henryhoover12 another option is to ask them to provide advice / guidance on what to do in this situation from the allergy nurse / consultant...

@lolacola77 I don’t know anyone like this personally but did see a documentary on it.
There are children who cannot leave their house at all due to the severity of allergies.

I guess the child must not be able to do a lot of things people be on this thread are taking for granted. Going to the shop for example.

Maybe they have to sit in their own corner at school and never touch anyone or play in the playground.

They simply have to be bullshitting you (from anxiety probably). There is no way a school would ban dogs no way.

And for them to expect you to do anything is unreasonable. It’s for them to manage their child’s allergies.

No member of staff at the school has a dog? No external visitors have a dog and come to the school? The postman, the Amazon person, the electrician who does the PAT tests.

It has to be nonsense.

So the parents have several relatives living nearby who don't have dogs? Why don't they take their child to play in their gardens?

If the childs allergy is so severe they can't expect the world around them to adapt for her. There's reasons why medications exist for this type of problem. If she has a reaction she should have emergency medication available for her parents to give to her. But her reaction to be so severe that even being outside with a dog in the next garden is dangerous? She shouldn't be going outside very often then because anyone could walk by with a dog, whether people surrounding you have them or not, dog walkers will go by at some point. And the kids in her class might not have dogs but I doubt they all avoid contact with dogs at all times, their relatives will have dogs and neighbours.
This child is in danger, her parents need to keep her safe and indoors if it's so severe. Your dog being out will mean his fur is in the air even when the child goes back out even if your dog goes back in.
Stop worrying. Their child isn't your responsibility and if the allergy is as bad as they say then that child shouldn't be allowed in the garden for prolonged periods of time without a face mask.

No I do not want to kill a child but I also want to live my life how I want and if that means owning the dog I’ve always wanted to own then that’s fair enough. Especially considering the VERY long list of things that we have to follow to please them.

I’m shocked by her recent outburst because she’s has always been so apologetic about the inconvenience they have caused

Several people including me have suggested 6ft solid fencing.
What is in place now?

Is your fence a solid 6 foot high panel fence with concrete footings and posts?

Or a 4 foot chicken wire fence?

OP what fence do you have at the moment?

The extended family need to club together to buy your house from you, then rent it out with a stipulation that the tenant can't own pets. Since they own the rest of the street, I can't understand why they haven't (Well, obviously money, but between at last four families, it might well be possible)

I think they are being nuts about this. Do not engage, and don’t let them bully you out of your home. Imagine trying to sell your house and having to tell potential buyers not to have a dog? Even though your own house will smell of dog due to the poor thing barely getting outside.

I have taught lots of severely allergic kids in the past (epipens, special care plans etc) but never had one with a life-threatening allergy to fur or dander!

That aside, surley a combo of a six to eight foot tall solid panel fence AND some tall conifers would provide more than enough barrier to catch any possible dog- related material entering their property? That would be the only solution other than somebody leaving home forever, I think?

As a mother of a child with anaphylaxis I'm telling you they are batshit crazy!

Having a child with a serious allergy can be stressful but they can't dictate what you do. As long as the dog can't get into their garden just let it out when you want to.

They need help with their anxiety.

OP, you've had two people with this exact allergy (and badly so) reply that the no dog in garden is batshit. I would tell them you've taken advice and unfortunately you will be using your garden as you want. While you appreciate they are anxious and that it must be difficult, it is on them to adjust, rather than you.

@saraclara

The extended family need to club together to buy your house from you, then rent it out with a stipulation that the tenant can't own pets. Since they own the rest of the street, I can't understand why they haven't (Well, obviously money, but between at last four families, it might well be possible)

Yes, definitely agree with this.

If my child was really that allergic, it wouldn't cross my mind that I should dictate how other people can live their lives. I'd do everything in my power to protect them and that would be either to move to the middle of nowhere or do as saraclara says.

If their child allergy was genuinely as life threatening as they claim, they'd not be allowing their child to attend school.
Do all their family members on the cul de sac work from home, never go shopping, never socialise? Do they all never get parcels delivered? Do they all opt out of every element of daily life for fear that contact with air shared with a dog would kill their relative? I doubt it.

I don't doubt their child has an allergy, but it sounds like the parents have lost all sense of risk and perspective. They could do with accessing specialist support for parents of children with allergies to get a grip on reality again

I call bullshit. There is no way no one in the class has dogs surely?!

Especially considering the VERY long list of things that we have to follow to please them

Can you elaborate @Henryhoover12, what else have they asked you to do/not to do?

What rubbish! There is no way their kid has a severe allergy to dogs to the point of anaphylaxis. They have no right to tell you what you can and cannot do in your garden. I have two dogs and I got them as soon as I'd bought a house with a garden. That was the v reason I bought a house with a garden, so that my dogs could use it!

I had a quick google and came across this. I think I would be asking for medical proof of this 'severe' allergy. And I don't mean itchy eyes I mean anaphylaxis where an epipen would be necessary.

"There have been rare, idiopathic, or one-time instances, of anaphylactic shock occurring in humans after physical contact with a dog. However, most allergists do not list anaphylactic shock as a possible allergy symptom of coming into contact with dogs. "

you weighed up a kid’s allergy and thought “Meh, who cares! Me me me! It’s my right!”

I know your saying it to make some sort of point that the OP is some sort of monster but yes it is her right. Other people can make reasonable adjustments but they cannot expect to have to live their lives in a certain way based on the needs of a neighbours child.

The OP is not unreasonable to want to have a pet dog and live her life in any way she chooses, she is not breaking any laws and should not be expected to adapt her life to accommodate the neighbours child.

@burritofan

But also why is our dog restricted to 5 minutes a day in the garden. When we have family bbqs and he’s trapped inside it’s not fair. Wah-wah it’s not fair. Because human beings are more important than animals? Because your dog not going to a barbecue isn’t the same as a child’s potentially fatal allergy?

Honestly, you chose to get the dog despite knowing the circumstances. It’s not like you had a dog already and moved in; you weighed up a kid’s allergy and thought “Meh, who cares! Me me me! It’s my right!”

Oh get real. What happens if they already had a dog when they moved in? We did. And there is zero chance I would restrict my dog in the garden. My back door is open 15 hours a day at the moment for my dog to go in and out as he pleases.

There is a fence all the way around 6ft I think. There is then hedges all the way around (on our side and there’s) that which adds thickness. It’s not really the fence that is an issue they have mentioned it being airborne.

For those who keep saying to sell our house and move have you recently moved yourself? Do you understand the stress of moving through the pandemic and for purchasing a house in the current market. Also no we wouldn’t let the family buy us out. We brought the house because we fell in love with it and renovated it so it’s our dream home. If someone knocked on your door and demanded you sell would you? Are you not attached to your house?