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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

999 replies

Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 14:45

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

OP posts:
MilesOrOscar · 08/07/2021 16:30

I should add that I suffer with an allergy to the point of anaphylaxis (food related)

MilesOrOscar · 08/07/2021 16:30

@Henryhoover12

There is a fence all the way around 6ft I think. There is then hedges all the way around (on our side and there’s) that which adds thickness. It’s not really the fence that is an issue they have mentioned it being airborne.

For those who keep saying to sell our house and move have you recently moved yourself? Do you understand the stress of moving through the pandemic and for purchasing a house in the current market. Also no we wouldn’t let the family buy us out. We brought the house because we fell in love with it and renovated it so it’s our dream home. If someone knocked on your door and demanded you sell would you? Are you not attached to your house?

Don't move!!

They can move.

minipie · 08/07/2021 16:31

Can they not swap houses with one of their other neighbours, so that they live in a house with only dog free, extended family neighbours?

I have to say the combination of “extreme dog allergy” and “cul de sac where all but one house are in the same family” is… unusual.

Nocutenamesleft · 08/07/2021 16:32

My friend has a child with such a severe allergy it really affects the quality of the child’s life

As in they don’t go places outside really. As every time they do their daughter is blue lighted to hospital. Swollen up and unable to breathe. I’ve seen allergies that have a devastating effect on A household. I have seen this first hand. If this was my child and almost every time they went outside they feared for their life. Then I can understand where they come from. It isn’t something that they can control. A child shouldn’t have to be locked away because of an allergy. But some kids like my friends child is.

I’m not sure what the answer would be. I feel for you both. I really do. But I’ve seen first hand what it’s like when a child suffers so much that they can’t do much. My friends daughters allergic to something that isn’t as common as a dog. But common in daily life.

EveryoneIsThere · 08/07/2021 16:32

Wowzers! That's an unbelievable situation.

Is this in the UK? It doesn't sound like it tbh

lastcall · 08/07/2021 16:32

Your neighbours are being very unreasonable.

I would let your dog use your garden whenever you want to let him do so.

LST · 08/07/2021 16:32

@Henryhoover12

There is a fence all the way around 6ft I think. There is then hedges all the way around (on our side and there’s) that which adds thickness. It’s not really the fence that is an issue they have mentioned it being airborne.

For those who keep saying to sell our house and move have you recently moved yourself? Do you understand the stress of moving through the pandemic and for purchasing a house in the current market. Also no we wouldn’t let the family buy us out. We brought the house because we fell in love with it and renovated it so it’s our dream home. If someone knocked on your door and demanded you sell would you? Are you not attached to your house?

Bullshit OP. They cannot dictate. How ridiculous. Say it was a cat allergy. How do they stop them doing what they want and actually entering their garden? Never heard such nonsense in my life.
eliohelio · 08/07/2021 16:33

@burritofan

But also why is our dog restricted to 5 minutes a day in the garden. When we have family bbqs and he’s trapped inside it’s not fair. Wah-wah it’s not fair. Because human beings are more important than animals? Because your dog not going to a barbecue isn’t the same as a child’s potentially fatal allergy?

Honestly, you chose to get the dog despite knowing the circumstances. It’s not like you had a dog already and moved in; you weighed up a kid’s allergy and thought “Meh, who cares! Me me me! It’s my right!”

Oh do piss off! Animals are equally as important as humans but in a different way, you sound minging for saying that.

Why do the neighbours get to dictate something that’s not at all fair to OP and her family?! If they were THAT concerned about a “potentially fatal” allergy they’d be housing the kid somewhere away from neighbour’s gardens and homeschooling her.

No one has the right to tell anyone how they get to live in their own bloody home.

eliohelio · 08/07/2021 16:35

I think anyone saying to need to move is a muppet. Why should you?

No one in their right mind who has genuinely gone through the process of purchasing a home, in a pandemic no less, would be recommending this to you OP so ignore them!

anon12345678901 · 08/07/2021 16:35

@burritofan

But also why is our dog restricted to 5 minutes a day in the garden. When we have family bbqs and he’s trapped inside it’s not fair. Wah-wah it’s not fair. Because human beings are more important than animals? Because your dog not going to a barbecue isn’t the same as a child’s potentially fatal allergy?

Honestly, you chose to get the dog despite knowing the circumstances. It’s not like you had a dog already and moved in; you weighed up a kid’s allergy and thought “Meh, who cares! Me me me! It’s my right!”

You are right, it is the OP right to get a dog.
OldTinHat · 08/07/2021 16:35

That's batshit! Adult DS1 has a severe nut allergy (EpiPen), I don't tell neighbours not to eat nuts when he visits. I have an allergy to cats which has seen me hospitalised but my neighbours have their cats wandering in and out of my garden and shitting everywhere

parkerpop · 08/07/2021 16:36

@Nocutenamesleft that sounds horrendous for your friend and her DC.

Can I ask what the school do? Do they ask all the children in the class not to have the thing their allergic to in their own homes?

I have a lot of sympathy for this family and i can't imagine how I'd handle this of it was me and dd in that position. Must be so stressful but it is hard to fathom what the school does to manage it?

Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 16:36

I’ve never said that a child and dogs life are equal- I wholly understand that they are not. Hence why for a year we have let their child use the garden all day and not let our dog out at all. Part of me was hoping the child would bore of her garden or not go out in the freezing cold/rain.

I truly sympathise with my neighbours and that’s why we’ve been so understanding. We had a great relationship with them were they opened up to us about this (and the level of detail they went into really didn’t seem like they were making it up) they have definitely mentioned to us the school arrangement but I really can’t recall I’m trying my hardest. But where do you draw the line?

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 08/07/2021 16:36

They're being ridiculous. So by that token they'd never be able to let their child go to a park or outdoor area in case there was a dog?? Rubbish. Ignore them and let your dog enjoy the garden.

BoxHedge · 08/07/2021 16:36

Can’t believe the selfishness on this thread.

It’s one thing if you don’t believe the severity of the allergy, but for those that do believe it could kill the child and still think “keep the dog anyway, it’s not your problem”… words fail me.

Staffy1 · 08/07/2021 16:37

Seems a bit unreasonable of them to not have checked with you and any other neighbours if you were ever likely to have a dog before moving in, and who is to say none of you would move house anyway. They should at least be meeting you half way and keeping their daughter in the house for a few hours so you dog can go outside for a bit.

Watchingyou2sleezes · 08/07/2021 16:37

They are full of shit.

Louise1051 · 08/07/2021 16:39

I’m with you here OP - sick of neighbours trying to dictate how you should behave in your own home. Now I’m not condoning antisocial behaviour like music blaring into the small hours of the morning but if their kids that bad they need to find a detached property with a lot of land and stop expecting everyone to bend over backwards for their convenience. Xx

GreenCrayon · 08/07/2021 16:39

@BoxHedge

Can’t believe the selfishness on this thread.

It’s one thing if you don’t believe the severity of the allergy, but for those that do believe it could kill the child and still think “keep the dog anyway, it’s not your problem”… words fail me.

So the OP gives up her dog and can never have another pet dog ever because they had the misfortune to buy a house next a child with a dog allergy.

I'm sure you would be just as willing to give up something important to you on the request of a stranger. Hmm

tillytoodles1 · 08/07/2021 16:39

If the child goes to school, then surely they must come into contact with other kids who have dogs?

SixesAndEights · 08/07/2021 16:39

@eliohelio

I think anyone saying to need to move is a muppet. Why should you?

No one in their right mind who has genuinely gone through the process of purchasing a home, in a pandemic no less, would be recommending this to you OP so ignore them!

She shouldn't have to move at all! But given that she now has poor relations with not just one neighbour but all of them because they all come from the same family, it may well be all that will solve this in the end if the neighbours aren't open to any sort of compromise whatsoever.
TwoYearsSince · 08/07/2021 16:40

how awful.

I like the idea of them house-swapping with another family member.

I think surely the child needs better treatment than she is getting?

winewolfhowls · 08/07/2021 16:40

Whaaat, so there is already a big fence and hedges? You have been more than reasonable, its time to enjoy your lovely house, i feel quite sad at the thought of your poor doggo kept inside

SleepingStandingUp · 08/07/2021 16:40

If you believe them, then offer to give them a shout before you let the dog out so they can get her inside. 5 minute warning and shout again when he's in.

TwoYearsSince · 08/07/2021 16:40

.... also are there not gated communities that are pet-free?
or maybe the poor kid has other allergies too.

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