AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

@Hotcuppatea

This post is screaming Daily Mail story to me and your neighbours and their family will recognise themselves straight away it it's published. If I were you, I'd have the thread pulled OP. It has the potential to ruin your relationship with them to the point of no salvation.

Definitely this.

BUT, only on MN would anything so batshit come up.

It sounds like you have moved into some commune/cult.

I would be beyond horrified to move into a cul de sac filled with all one family....

So you are at the mercy of this commune if you go against them😳.

A whole school being dictated to, in their private homes and lives, by one pupils allergy sounds wholly unbelievable.
I certainly have never heard the like.

They need to raise the fence, their rules sound very tough on your poor dog.

What a nightmare OP.
You must feel persecuted with such unbelievable bad luck.
My sympathy

Ridiculous love your life OP

It must be a very restrictive life for the little girl, can't go out to normal places, no trips to the seaside or countryside, no visits to zoo's or theme parks or indeed parks of any sort. No holidays involving flights or stopping at service stations or using any sort of public transport. No going to the cinema or seeing the panto at Christmas etc.
Her only safe space is her house and her garden. Then the people next door get the animal that causes her to be hospitalised. If I were the parents I would be incredibly anxious too.
It doesn't make their list of rules right , but I can understand why they might feel they needed to make one and why you felt you should go along with it.
If I were you, I would contact the local hospital and try to speak to a specialist nurse or Consultant, to see what level of risk your dog actually poses outdoors without any direct contact, what is it that poses the most risk, the dander, saliva or hair ? If the dog posed a massive risk outdoors I would honestly consider moving, if it didn't I would consider regular grooming and bathing to reduce the risk further, although mine needed a bath at least 3 times a week due to rolling in stinky fox poo, maybe your's is a more pleasant hound

Ask them to pay your relocation costs. Stamp duty, moving fees, estate agent fees, survey, solicitors, relocation search company. See how much they want to stay put.

Frankly something has to give.

Oh my god this is madness. You’re clearly a saint (and I mean that - I’m not being sarcastic).
I too would be gutted to be in your situation, I would hate to fall out with neighbours & feeling unwelcome in your own home must be terrible.

I am a dog lover so wouldn’t be willing or able to abide by these rules.

I wonder if they’ve gone down the immunotherapy route for their daughter?

I just don’t understand how she copes with life when dogs are everywhere!

I’m surprised the parents didn’t make the estate agents aware? Or mention it somehow prior to you purchasing. I wonder if there is some kind of legal route to be taken. You’re within your rights to have quiet and free enjoyment of your property you own.

I do fully respect that you don’t want this girl to come to any harm. What a dreadful position you’re in. -as a dog owner I don’t envy you.

I know 2 people who are very allergic to cats/dogs, one got an asthma attack sitting on the carpet in our living room, we didn’t have a cat but previous owner did. The other one is so allergic to dogs, I needed to vacuum clean carpets, furniture and even the walls when she visited.

Both, as most people suffering from severe allergies, carry their medicines with them at all times and don’t try to impose on people at all, if a space was too risky for them they would just suggest meeting somewhere else.

Your neighbour is taking the piss, she should be getting her son in for the few minutes your dog is in the garden if her child is as allergic as they say.

Next time she shouts at you, forget about being kind and accommodating, just tell her she has no fucking right whatsoever to rule how you use your own house and leave it there, she can move if she doesn’t like it, it is not as if you have the dog barging on her kid on her own garden.

People like them make life of all of us living with severe allergies far more difficult.

.I got called to the heads office after dd took on 2 teachers, the TA and the school secretary who were trying to tell her she had to eat the orange and drink the milk for snack time (dd is anaphylaxis to acidic fruits like oranges etc and at the time they were testing for dairy so she was banned from that). She refused, full blown argued with them that she as allergic and couldn't eat them and then sulked when they asked her she was lying and didn't like them. School were massively impressed at her confidence and I was dying of embarrassment.

@Terminallysleepdeprived why were you embarrassed rather than furious with the school for not making sure that all relevant staff were aware of your daughter’s allergies? I don’t understand how it got to the point where staff were trying to force these foods upon her. Surely you gave them very clear instructions in advance?

They'll have to move and have no neighbours if that's the case. Feel sorry for the child but yanbu. Their issue not yours.

As a parent with a child with extreme allergies I think you need to take a step back and put yourself in their position. They are probably terrified 24hours a day and have to live with the fear. I think they are probably being over cautious but until you've been in that position you don't know how you would react. Living with severe allergies is awful. Please try and talk to them. Find out what you can do. It's an awful thing to live with.

How did they see your dog in the garden over the fence? Sorry if I've missed that, I did read through.

I don't know if I believe some of the stuff they've told you. Nobody in his class is allowed a dog. Is his teacher allowed a dog. Your dog cant go in your own garden. They sound a bit batty.

@Mamanyt

Tell her that you have, thus far, bent over backwards to accomodate their child at the expense of your dog, but that going forward, you expect there to be set, reasonable times of day that your dog can enjoy the garden. Give her those times, if you want to. "The dog will be out from this time to this time." Maybe two hours, twice a day? Dunno. GIve that one some thought.

At the risk of sounding truely horrible, but just being realistic, at some point this allergy is probably going to kill this child, if it is a severe as they claim. She's going to come face-to-face with dogs in her life.

You are trying. But don't ruin your own lives over this. Here in the US, there are "no pets" communities. Perhaps there are there, and they would be far happier and safer in one.

Yes, actually.

Your neighbours are a joke! And I do believe you as I have downstairs neighbours who moved in and tried to dictate what I do with my bins, car, feet. It’s insane.

@HaveringWavering

.I got called to the heads office after dd took on 2 teachers, the TA and the school secretary who were trying to tell her she had to eat the orange and drink the milk for snack time (dd is anaphylaxis to acidic fruits like oranges etc and at the time they were testing for dairy so she was banned from that). She refused, full blown argued with them that she as allergic and couldn't eat them and then sulked when they asked her she was lying and didn't like them. School were massively impressed at her confidence and I was dying of embarrassment.

@Terminallysleepdeprived why were you embarrassed rather than furious with the school for not making sure that all relevant staff were aware of your daughter’s allergies? I don’t understand how it got to the point where staff were trying to force these foods upon her. Surely you gave them very clear instructions in advance?

That is terrifying.

Gypsy rose blanchet mother convinced the whole world she was allergic to everything and couldn’t do anything.

It’s a good and true series on Netflix

Just saying

Absolutely ridiculous. If she had a nut allergy would they ban you from eating nuts in your garden? Are they going to forbid every dog on earth from every going near her?

I have a dog and can't imagine following a strict list, when it's my house/drive/garden. I certainly wouldn't be locking my dog up indoors all of the time. If her allergy is truly that bad then they need to move somewhere else. Use your drive and let your dog use your garden. Ignore her when she screams at you I the garden. If she does harass you, then keep a diary.

I know you like the house, but it’s a toxic environment for everyone.

If I were you I would be looking to move, and ask the neighbours if they want to buy the house off you and also pay your costs of moving.

I’m sure if they could in any way afford it, they would gladly pay to help you move away - your household is literally poison to them.

They could even perhaps crowdfund?

Or the proposal might make them think about the other suggestion made - that they could swap house with a relative on the cul-de-sac.

Well, you are within your 'rights' to get a dog, and not to comply with their rules, but I can't quite get my head around the fact that you went ahead and bought a dog, knowing that it could actually kill their vulnerable child. Sounds like their child already has a very restricted life, and it just got more restricted when you bought the dog. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be in this very difficult situation. Honestly, in your situation I'd rehome the dog, or move. I know it isn't reasonable of your neighbours to expect this, but I wouldn't want to be responsible for the death of a child when I could have prevented it.

I'd tell them you'll move if they buy the house and add a 25K cash bonus, but that you'll no longer follow the "rules."

It's up to them to keep the child safe without imposing on the rest of the world. They rolled the dice; you didn't.

But if their family members own houses in the cul-de-sac why do they not live in the middle so dog-free neighbours on both sides?!

@Henryhoover12 you don’t need to inform them of what your doing or why

You owe them nothing and this batshittery has gone on way too long already

Let your dog out
Park on your own drive ffs
Break every single rule

Because they have no right to tell you how to live

We have neighbours like this, but yours are taking this to an art form.

Think about it, what recourse do they have? Take you to court? For parking on your drive? For enjoying your own garden? Letting your dog out in its own garden?

Honestly, there’s not a court in the land, no the world, that would agree with them.

“Follow our rules, or else”
… Or else what??

@flossletsfloss

As a parent with a child with extreme allergies I think you need to take a step back and put yourself in their position. They are probably terrified 24hours a day and have to live with the fear. I think they are probably being over cautious but until you've been in that position you don't know how you would react. Living with severe allergies is awful. Please try and talk to them. Find out what you can do. It's an awful thing to live with.

But what have they done?

Does the child wear a respirator? Do desensitization therapy? Stay indoors so OP can enjoy her garden sometimes?? Or are others supposed to make all the sacrifices?

Well it’s clear the child is still alive - so the op having her dog in her garden and having her car in her drive way hasn’t actually resulted in death.

@MumofSpud

But if their family members own houses in the cul-de-sac why do they not live in the middle so dog-free neighbours on both sides?!

Excellent question!